Just for laughs, what's the most ridiculous comment your ex has thrown at you during divorce?

[Cherrypop99]

Having watched "Marriage Story" last night, I had to chuckle as it seems that during a divorce, two people (who were once in love) seemingly always end up ripping each other to shreds!

I received a foul letter from my ex via my lawyer yesterday with wording that read : "As you are aware your client has a well-documented history of abuse, physical assault and harassment. As a result of her behaviour, your client has been advised by the police to cease all contact with me." No idea where this came from, but I cried with laughter!!

Oh.... the games we all play hey?!!! Anyone else got any funny divorce stories to tell?

Light hearted thread

feistymamma21 perhaps you are waiting for the 'decree Absolut'.

You ignore the advice of your doctor and refuse to take your medication to control your mood (I’ve not so much as had a cough in 10 years, never mind a depressive episode, whereas he’s bipolar).

You drink to excess (he’s an alcoholic).

You wouldn’t be hurt about my affair if you hadn’t dug around trying to get dirt on me, it’s your own doing (there are no words for that one).

Ex said in mediation that he should get more of the equity from the house as I could meet someone new who had 50k in bank. Erm ok, is this someone you know or......

Just this week, stbxh said he was going to pursue a defamation case against me if I told anyone he had left me and our children for another woman. He even spoke to the police about it, who I assume laughed him off the phone. Just for clarity, he has left me for another woman.

ExH suggested that when we split up, I moved out of our flat and in with my mum in the next town, sharing a room with our two children (4&8) and gave him the flat to live in. He wasn’t joking.

He also said it didn’t matter that he made no effort with our children as by the time they were 16 they would hate me anyway and realise why he stayed away.

Apparently i once put a jacket potato in to cook & didn't put one in for him .....

This is less lighthearted but my ExH told the DCs that he didn't have any money for a Kindle because 'he has to give it all to mummy'. I don't give a shit what he throws at me, but to involve the kids is unforgivable.

You'd better look out for those court papers then @wineisafruit!

Mine insisted that the only reason he cheated was "to prove to himself that he's not gay" lol

Break up of LTR rather than divorce, but a couple of classics from him:
‘You have taken the best years of my life.’ He was 35 at the time

‘It’s like shagging a dead fish.’ On our sexual life - I regret to this day never asking him when he’d last shagged a dead fish

Not a divorce but an ex when breaking up called me a gold digger which was hilarious as I had a prestigious professional job and he was unemployed and living with his parents. I had to send him cash to be able to get the train to see me ! If I was a gold digger I was a totally useless one😁

My ex suggested to the judge that I should get less money because I always bought "buy one get one free" or reduced price stuff in the supermarket. The judge pointed out that this was hardly significant especially as he had just bought himself a £100,000 Ferrari!
Plonker!

He told me no one else would ever touch me with a barge pole, I was ugly, fat, useless in bed and no one else would ever want me..... strangely enough I’ve not long left my boyfriend of 3 years, who thinks I’m beautiful, has no issue with not only touching me but it’s (shock horror) proud to hug and kiss me on public and claim me as his.

Also had the “but you are and always will be my WIFE, anyone you see now is just screwing a married woman” erm no I’m divorced but hey ho.

To set the scene...

Self employed exh.. Cancels all insurances, doesn't pay his tax bill, doesn't pay his national insurance... Falls. Breaks shoulder, can't work... No income whatsoever

Me... Working full time 50-60 hours per week (12 hour nights + overtime), juggling bills in order to keep a roof over our heads. Rarely home, as working so many hours...

He sued me for divorce on the grounds of adultery... His proof... I was never at home

Fucking cockwomble

My ex husband was having an affair and was desperate to keep OW out of anything adultery related so he tried to divorce me for my "unreasonable behaviour" and cited we hadn't had sex for more than 6 years. I had to tell his solicitor that we had a two year old son, who he hadn't mentioned. I divorced him for adultery instead while OW threatened to "see me in court" for making false allegations. They were living together 😂

Not said to me but to OW about me when she caught him cheating on her (karma’s a bitch ) “I dont need you I can win my wife back it will just take 2 dates”
Course you can matey... jog on!

All of these are gold. Don’t have anything to rival them but did have my ex-P ring me over 100 times through the night not long after I moved out and play the same bit of the chorus of “Goodbye My Lover” into my answer phone over and over again. Woke up to scores of voicemails and literally hundreds of voicemails. He then phoned me the next day to say he hadn’t meant it and “you’re not as great as you think you are anyway!” Alright mate, don’t tell me, tell James Blunt

*hundreds of missed calls

Mine declared that I had “been radicalised online via MN” - because due to this RS forum I now had the language to call out his EA and “the script” to predict what he would do and say next - which totally unnerved him....

This is from today. “ Things were good until we separated, then you just wanted a free ride. You didn't even use you free time constructively...”

He slept with my best friend who was living with us a week before our daughters birthday then they both came to my mums for her birthday party that my mum paid for everything and put them up. Before that he got drunk every night with her until 2 am while I stayed home with the baby cleaning the house.

I broke up with him 4 months later he convinced me to co habitat (stupidly) for a year. I continued cleaning cooking raising the kid and applying for work and working freelance whenever I could every penny went back into the house pot.

He also said one of the reasons he slept with her was because I was always on mumsnet.

During yet another fight, my ex said, "I want a divorce!" I just couldn't take anymore abuse so said, "Okay." Weeks later, after he had moved out, I asked him what he had expected me to say. He said (and I quote), "I expected you to fall down on your knees and beg me to stay." He was serious! I still have good laughs about that one!

There's a lot of us radicalised Mumsnetters...I had that one too!

Also, I should move out of our house with the three DC into a one bed flat and he should stay in the house 'because they'd still be here sometimes'

This has made me laugh and also vow never to date again.

My exh and I agreed a 70/30 split. He earns three times more than me and the separation was his fault. He charged me fees for selling our home and paying off our mortgage. He didn’t ever sell it and I found out his new gf was going to move in and they had got together a week after I moved out. So I said he owed me that money back. And he responded “I’ve been more than generous”

I replied “f* you”