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Original poster

Just for laughs, what's the most ridiculous comment your ex has thrown at you during divorce?

224 replies

Cherrypop99 · 11/02/2020 16:14

Having watched "Marriage Story" last night, I had to chuckle as it seems that during a divorce, two people (who were once in love) seemingly always end up ripping each other to shreds!

I received a foul letter from my ex via my lawyer yesterday with wording that read : "As you are aware your client has a well-documented history of abuse, physical assault and harassment. As a result of her behaviour, your client has been advised by the police to cease all contact with me." No idea where this came from, but I cried with laughter!!

Oh.... the games we all play hey?!!! Anyone else got any funny divorce stories to tell?

Light hearted thread

OP posts:
wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 12/02/2020 15:15

He accused me of leaving him for another man (I didn't). And accused me in a drunken text of 'perjery' [sic] because I hadn't disclosed that to my solicitor.

teachandsleep · 12/02/2020 15:26

"I had an epileptic fit out of the blue, I was out for 15 minutes", "Dr said it was the stress you put me through", "Dr said it was ok I could keep my driving license as he felt sorry for me"

Whatisthisfuckery · 12/02/2020 15:36

My ex insisted that I should make provision for his new partner to continue living in the house both me and XH own in the case of his death, and that I shouldn’t have access to my share until she dies.

That was greeted by much mirth from me, and quite a lot of shouting, insults and threats from him.

Whynosnowyet · 12/02/2020 16:11

When I left my first dh due to his lack of involvement with the dc /smashing up our home when drunk /financial abuse to name a few - he blamed the fact we weren't close being due to me not involving him in my periods and allowing him to change my tampon

W
T
A
F??
Envy
Most def not envy...

AmelieTaylor · 12/02/2020 16:12

@realunicorn. I expect your mum is right!

@Ratonastick. FMD that’s 🙄😳😳🙄. What a weird one. Like 15 years later your house would look like a museum of all his crap & that’s once you get past the weirdness if going to the shop & just never coming back

My friends ex put on the divorce papers that one reason he wanted out was that she would t sit and watch repeats of The Bill with him

I’d love a job reading all of the divorce reasons!

There are SO many batshit people out there (and by people we all know I mean mostly men!).

I’d laugh if it wasn’t so bloody tragic!

Ladyratterley · 12/02/2020 16:49

Whynosnowyet what the actual living fuck?!

ivykaty44 · 12/02/2020 16:55

You should feel sorry for me, I’ve had an affair & lost everything...

Er no

When he put in the financial paper work - himself, he asked a few questions, as your allowed to about the other persons finances

He asked

How much did our 1st house cost
How much did our 2 nd house cost
How much did our car cost

The solicitor wAs like 🙄 was he present during the marriage...

Whynosnowyet · 12/02/2020 16:56

I remember telling my friend at the time. Thought she was gonna puke.

longtimelurkerhelen · 12/02/2020 17:18

@Whynosnowyet Jesus fucking christ!!! Why would he want to do that???????? I don't even want to involve myself in my own period. ShockShockShock

They walk among us.

Aposterhasnoname · 12/02/2020 17:39

he blamed the fact we weren't close being due to me not involving him in my periods and allowing him to change my tampon

We have a winner.

Snooper22 · 12/02/2020 17:47

My partner and his exw argued over a chainsaw!!! The solicitors letter cost more than the fecking chainsaw 🤣🤣🤣

dellacucina · 12/02/2020 17:50

Due to my ex's emotional abuse, I moved out of our large beautiful house in zone 2 to a flat in a quite shabby building in zone 4, with a full time job and sole responsibility for my 3 year old.

I asked my ex to pick her up from nursery Friday and then drop her off on Monday when he saw her every other weekend. (He wanted me to deliver her to him)

His response? "You can't have your cake and eat it!"

dellacucina · 12/02/2020 17:53

Oh, he also suggested I am mentally unstable and that I just need some time to sort myself out. He suggested that his elderly parents could come live in the beautiful house and take care of our daughter (since obviously it's out of the question that he would) while I get my head on straight.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 12/02/2020 18:15

YY to the Nectar points! I got absolutely vitriolic abuse from ex because I'd cancelled his nectar card on the joint account (not even knowing he had a card) and it had been declined when he tried to redeem points. This led a an exchange of texts...

Him: You're so fucking deceitful, taking all of my points, worth over £20
Me: Eh? I didn't know you even had a card you used on my account?
Him: YOU KNOW I DID AND YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY BEEN SPENDING ALL THE POINTS I'VE EARNT FOR THE LAST FEW YEARS SO YOU'RE A THIEF AND A LIAR.
Me: Just checked the statement. The balance is £23. I added £22 last month with a special offer. So only £1 has the potential to have been added by you.
Him: Just forget it. Spend the money on the kids.
Me: No, I don't want you to be out of pocket because of my 'deceit'. I am so very sorry to have upset you.
Him: I said just forget it.
Me: No, truly. I would hate for you to feel I have benefited from you by deception.

He didn't reply. I took ENORMOUS pleasure in giving him two shiny 50p coins the next time he came to collect the DC Grin

Thedeadwood · 12/02/2020 18:21

My ex husband was an abusive alcoholic. During the divorce, he had behaved in such an aggressive manner to me that my solicitor wrote to him to warn him that we would be involving the police if he didn’t stop threatening me.

He emailed me and my solicitor to say “I’m not threatening you, but if you don’t agree to my terms immediately, I will make you regret the day you were born. I’ll make your lives hell. I’ll hunt your families down. I’ll kill your dogs. You’ll never be able sleep again and you’ll wish I killed you in your sleep etc etc”.

That was pretty special.

Tomhardyshadabath · 12/02/2020 18:36

"You always listen to Radio 4 in the morning and current affairs are really depressing - you brought the Arab Spring into our house." This is why he was forced to fuck another woman behind my back for a year Hmm. Poor lamb!

SeaEagleFeather · 12/02/2020 18:45

@Thedeadwood what happened? did you get the police involved?!

Meneenamenana · 12/02/2020 18:57

My exh also insisted we wait two years because he didn’t want me to list examples of unreasonable behaviour. Not because he thought I would like, but because he knew how bad the truth looked!
My friends exhusband divorces her for unreasonable behaviour and on the first try, he listed the fact that she always burnt pizza as one of the reasons. I think he had to redo it because it was so clearly ridiculous.

LanternLighter · 12/02/2020 20:59

“I just don’t know who you are anymore after the way you reacted” (to me finding out he had been having an affair)
I’d smashed a plate on the floor and stormed out.

devasted · 12/02/2020 21:16

Mine didnt tick the box to contest the divorce (he didnt want to pay for it!!) But then sent a letter with the form to list all the reasons why he didnt agree with my reasons for the grounds for divorce...I swear if I hadn't have filed we would still be legally married now five years on as he is such a tight fisted bastard that he wouldn't have paid for it.

I honestly used to have a laugh when he sent letters to my solicitor as they didnt make much sense and were mostly rants....just a few months back he accidentally paid me over the cms amount by just under 10 and they were on the phone to me saying he wanted it back and would pay me less for the following month!!!

This is a man whom since we split has spent bugger all on his children no birthday or xmas presents and gives the bare minimum cms amount and was trying to claw back a measly few pounds. Oh I laughed and laughed that day and whenever I think of that convo with the poor cms lady who seemed a bit sheepish having to ask and tell me I have a chuckle at it.

teachandsleep · 12/02/2020 23:14

My friends ex put on the divorce papers that one reason he wanted out was that she would t sit and watch repeats of The Bill with him

On my divorce papers I actually have that I refused to watch Dr who with him!!!!!!!!!!

Honeybee85 · 12/02/2020 23:21

Ex bf: your face is ugly without make up and your tits are small!

Me: are you really going to make it so damn easy for me to insult you back?
The only thing that’s small here, very tiny, is your dick. Oh and despite my ugly face and small tits, I’m still the best looking one you’ll ever have. Goodbye!

(Then blocked him)

1300cakes · 13/02/2020 03:18

Not a divorce just a break up and very light hearted compared to most of these.

"And worst - You wouldn't even let me visit Pompeii Angry"... Quite random when we had never been near or even discussed the place before!

Fullforcegale · 13/02/2020 03:45

@dellacucina I remember your posts from when you and your husband were still together so his behaviour doesn’t surprise me!

sashh · 13/02/2020 04:26

Just to add to what Whynosnowyet said. I had a lot of, "My client has informed me to include the following..."

Which as my solicitor said means, "I don't agree with this but the person paying the bill wants it in the letter"

I could have used several grounds for divorce so I asked the solicitor which would be quickest. So I went for adultary.

He denied it via his solicitor.

My solicitor asked if I had any evidence they could present, "Er he's living with her and she's pregnant with his child".

Of course as she was mentioned in the papers she got a letter too, apparently that didn't go well.