Embarrassed by FWB

[DancingWithAStranger]

NC for this as don't want linking to my other threads.

I've had a FWB set up with a man over the last 2 years. Fairly infrequent/irregular at times but it suited us both.

Both very much on the same page, strictly for fun, we chat about everyday life etc but no emotional attachment. I do like him, I'm not in love with him.

Recently we've started to expand our repertoire, talking about fantasies etc. Decided to go with one of his fantasies recently.

It was quite in-depth, specific and needed a bit of preparation on my behalf. But I was interested and keen to go ahead.

So preparation done; on the day he decided he's not feeling it blah blah blah maybe another time .

I was so embarrassed, I was meeting him for no strings sex and he turned me down when I got there

I know it's over, my self esteem has taken a bit of a hit. But am I being unfair? I know he has the right to change his mind but I was actually there when he decided no .

I was petty turned heel and walked as fast as my legs could carry me and didn't respond to his following message that "he feels really bad..." oh god the shame of his pity .

Not sure what I want maybe just to get it off my chest really, can't talk IRL about this as my friends don't know I have/had this set up as I feel a bit judged.

Would love to block him and never cast eyes on him again, but we cross paths regularly and I need to style this out, somehow.

I can not agree with most of the comments on here.
She is angry at him because he didn't want to have sex after agree to it previously.
This is the kind of thing abusers say claiming they have a right to do what they did. Its incredible sad that given the chance Mns would do the same.
All those saying its his fault, why? Do you know what the actual reason, does the OP? No because she hasnt given him a change to explain. If he has never done this before, isnt there a posibility that something else has happened to make him say no?
But who cares about the truth and any reasons he may have- he is a man and its his fault!

This is the kind of thing abusers say claiming they have a right to do what they did

I was actually going to say that my abusive ex used to do things like this to humiliate me and it was completely abusive on his behalf, not the other way around. I would turn up to his dressed up to the nines expecting sex (as he’d usually requested) and he’d turn me down. He didn’t do it because he felt off piste, he did it to be a controlling and abusive bastard.

I don’t think the OP did anything wrong at all. She turned up expecting to fulfil his sexual fantasy and he turned her down. Why didn’t he send a text beforehand to let her know he wasn’t feeling it? That would’ve been far less cruel than letting her get ready and prepared for it and actually turning up only to be turned away at the door. What a twat.

Don’t contact him again OP, you deserve better.

@nowayorhighway
A couple of points- when does a person have to say that don't want to have sex? Are you saying once promised there can be no climbdown if the partner has turned up? They have to give at least an hours notice otherwise they need to do it , however they feel?
Also and equally important, there is a reason why the OP doesnt know why he didn't want to have sex or give her more notice and that's because she didn't listen to his explanation. All those saying he has acted badly seem to be missing out on this point. It could be absolutely anything and as the OP has never complained about him doing this before, it seems to me more likely that he had recently got some bad news or had an health issue. Like I said I dont know what is true, but you cant condemn someone, you are not willing to listen to.

Have you thought of this possibility -
He has told you of his fantasy , and you were ok with going along with it.
You've turned up with the first part.
But (this is where it changes)
His actual fantasy is he gets his current Feb to dress up, perform at home, being evidence ex for him then to reject Feb but have film to add to his wank collection.
Move on and see yourself as dodging a bullet . Your better off without him.

Fwb

Perhaps he had a wank when he saw part 1 so wasn’t horny enough for part 2