Embarrassed by FWB

[DancingWithAStranger]

NC for this as don't want linking to my other threads.

I've had a FWB set up with a man over the last 2 years. Fairly infrequent/irregular at times but it suited us both.

Both very much on the same page, strictly for fun, we chat about everyday life etc but no emotional attachment. I do like him, I'm not in love with him.

Recently we've started to expand our repertoire, talking about fantasies etc. Decided to go with one of his fantasies recently.

It was quite in-depth, specific and needed a bit of preparation on my behalf. But I was interested and keen to go ahead.

So preparation done; on the day he decided he's not feeling it blah blah blah maybe another time .

I was so embarrassed, I was meeting him for no strings sex and he turned me down when I got there

I know it's over, my self esteem has taken a bit of a hit. But am I being unfair? I know he has the right to change his mind but I was actually there when he decided no .

I was petty turned heel and walked as fast as my legs could carry me and didn't respond to his following message that "he feels really bad..." oh god the shame of his pity .

Not sure what I want maybe just to get it off my chest really, can't talk IRL about this as my friends don't know I have/had this set up as I feel a bit judged.

Would love to block him and never cast eyes on him again, but we cross paths regularly and I need to style this out, somehow.

Seriously OP don’t share if you don’t want to. It’s completely irrelevant.

Ok. My imagination has gone into overdrive.

My guess? It's a reach.

He has a fantasy about being with a pregnant woman. OP rocks up with a cushion under her top, FWB is like 'FFS, I meant a real pregnant woman, not someone dressed up as one'.

That's all I've got lol

He gave me instructions to wear certain lingerie. I was to masturbate with them on and film it before arriving at his place. We would have sex whilst wearing the underwear he would film that, I then left the underwear and both films behind with him.

For context this may not be huge for some but I hate wet knickers, I also have a big issue with my bits how they smell etc
I'm going to disappear for a while now

Yep, she went to a lot of trouble to indulge his fantasy and he bottled it at the last minute. Sometimes fantasies are best left as that.
I suspect when she turned up the reality struck and he just thought 'Oh shit' and couldn't go through with it.

Oh well, now we know it's simple. He'd already whacked a few out and had nothing left lol.

Doesn't sound too bad, a bit uncomfortable. Not sure I'd like the filming but if you trust him...

I'd be more embarrassed for him to be honest. Exhausted himself masturbating the sad bastard.

I'd suspect a porn addict.

Ah OP I thought it would be something like that. I still think he was seeing how far you would go for him and that was a kick for him.

And yes, be very careful who the hell you send videos to.

It's not a bad as an adult baby OP 😆. I can't see why seeing you turn up like that would have suddenly made him go cold, unless he siddenly realised he didn't want to act out his fantasy. Have you both done any filming before?

I think I'd message and ask what that was all about. Then maybe find another FWB if you don't want to move past it.

How old is he? Men in their thirties/early forties who have never been married tend to be porn addicts and can't get their rocks off with the real thing.

@DancingWithAStranger You filmed yourself masturbating and left the footage with him?

PLEASE tell me you did NOT do this!

Did you send the first video to him? I hope your face wasn't in it

Had you at least clothes on over your underwear?

You poor love.

He knew you had already masturbated and treated you like that. What a bastard.

Yes, nobody should have sex if they don't want to, but he could have explained and let you down easier.

So basically his fantasy is actually fucking a porn star.

As I said - he's a porn addict.

He's gross, you did nothing wrong.

And you were absolutely right to have turned on your heels. He got what he wanted with round 1.

I really don't think a FWB is enough of a relationship of trust or respect or love to be sharing videos of such an intimate nature. Porn addict is probably showing all his mates down the local boozer.

You were used. I'd get rid of the wanker.

You live an learn OP. You've nothing, absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. He's just a sad wanker. Protect yourself in future though.

I think he worked out a way to get you to send him a intimate video of yourself so he has wank bank material with zero effort required from him. I'd echo the PP who expressed concern over you being identifiable.

An* intimate...urgh I double vowelled.

I think that he was simply embarrassed when confronted with his fantasy in real life. Some things that look great on paper are rubbish in reality.

Other than that, it may have been that he liked/respected that you have your own boundaries and by accommodating his fantasy he may be wrongly assuming that you are less valuable than before the boundary was trespassed.

Neither is your fault, I just hope he doesn’t have the first video.

It hurt your self-esteem which is OK and understandable. I'd be the same and embarrassed to see him again. Neither of you have done anything wrong though, so you'll just have to be civil when you see him and personally I'd continue the no contact.

Thread should be called ‘embarrassed because I trusted a guy who turned out to be an exploitative sexual pervert’.

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, OP. He abused your trust. if you think there is any chance he might distribute this video please look into your legal rights.