How soon/long after starting dating someone would you expect to feel important to them?

[CherryRedDocs]

As the title says.

This is someone I met in real life. I don't date generally and he says that he doesn't either.

We see each other most weekends and once mid week most weeks for some sort of context.

Communicating, even

FraglesRock thank you. That makes sense. I keep worrying that my autism will put him off but that's my reality and I can't pretend it isn't. I can manage it very well on a daily basis but only if i know what I'm dealing with. It's the huge uncertainty here that is causing me the issues.

Thanks.

saraclara

i have wondered that myself. He certainly ticks a lot of the boxes and is definitely 'eccentric'. But I dont think he would even have considered it of himself and explains it all away with other (equally valid) reasons. I am going to speak with him. I wouldn't just end it or anything like that but unless he comes up with something that does reassure me, I am going to end it.

Cherry can you tap into the FACT, FEELING and REALITY that you have lots of long term friends who love, value and respect you.

There is no official certainty / shelf life / expiry date in these relationships - they are sustained by mutual kindness and respect day to day - can this RS not work on the same basis?

This is such a shame OP. It sounds like you need someone who is going to tell you he loves you, will never leave you, wants to marry you etc from the get go...none of these things guarantee a future anyway.

Gutterton the problem is that I dont have a lot of long term friends who feel like that. I have few but I also struggle with friendships and how I stand in those and tend to walk away from them as well after a few years. But I do see what you're saying.

Friendsofmine

I havent said that's what I want anywhere. I know there are no guarantees for the future and I wouldnt believe anyone who made such declarations anyway - I never have done and it would be more likely to put me off someone but I do need to know, unequivocally, where I stand currently.

But i do think about the longer term and think that i would find it difficult to constantly not know where i stand because of a lack of communication.

How are you doing Cherry?

@Gutterton

Thanks for asking. Ok, I think.

We had a really long, proper conversation the other day. I think it's ok.

I know that the overthinking will come again (I can already feel it starting) but I know that's it's just me now and that everything is fine and I've got things I can use to try and talk myself down from it.

Thats great that you were able to be open and have a dialogue with him.

Are you still together?

I hope so.

If so - do you feel reassured?

Yes, we are still together. We went out on Friday night, I stayed over and we were up talking until the early hours.

We are still together, yes. And I do feel reassured - definitely.

But I made a bit of a faux pas on friday night when we were out - I think I misunderstood a question he asked because he seemed a bit put out at my answer. He made a joke about it but I think he was offended. Although I only realised last night that I'd misunderstood it and now I'm feeling anxious about rectifying it and that's what my overthinking is about. I do need to tell him about my aspergers because that's was caused the misunderstanding. But I felt there was enough to deal with without throwing that in too.

Oh and he'd be right to be offended if I did misunderstand so I do need to rectify it.

Do you feel confident now to get on the phone ASAP to clarify? Otherwise you will spin yourself into another spiral......

I'm going to see him for a bit later. So it'll all be ok.

But I am going to have to find a way of managing long term.

Really pleased to read your last few updates @CherryRedDocs! x

told you so, OP

But I am going to have to find a way of managing long term.

You are managing now - just keep being open and honest and keep talking. Try to remember how you FEEL when you are reassured and remember that. Be positive. Good luck.

How are you getting on Cherry?

I'd love an update on this 🙈