Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hi
I haven't managed to catch up with everything yet..work gets in the way
so, I have seen Mr Boat 3 times, we chatted for ages before meeting - schedules never aligned - I messaged him today saying that I was suspending my profile online as I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable about being messaged and irons asking if I was free, or wanting to arrange dates, whilst simultaneously planning the weekend - I am going to his and staying over, not sure re dtd ( I would like to, but never sure if too soon..?) but it's easier to stay to get to where we are going on Sunday. I said it was for info only in case he wondered where my profile had gone.
He told me he had stopped communicating with other irons after he met me and was going to talk to me about it at the weekend as he would like us to be exclusive...
Yep, it seems fast; we are both very much on the same page and looking at this as something very new but that could have potential
I have never felt this way with anyone before, an instant connection and sense of relaxation in their company - my guard is still up in a healthy way, by boundaries are firmly in place, and I am fully aware it is very, very early days...who ever mentioned it is a state of 'the hope of love', I think that sums it up really well.

Mr Muddles immaturity is showing today - keeps making jokes about bum sex . I actually have enjoyed it in the past but I never tell anyone that, if I feel I trust the person I might bring it up later down the line. I don’t know him well enough so no way is he getting to know that yet!

I called him out on it - are you trying to ask if I want to do it? He says no just joking. I said but you have mentioned it a few times now, which makes me think you are. He said ‘well maybe on my birthday!’ (Which was in January) so I said is this a tradition or something... he said ‘she always said no!’ Which I imagine is his ex wife and he’s thinking that he now has a new lease of life for his penis and hoping I’m a dirty old bint who will fullfill this. It’s things like this I am wary of as much as we do get on

and also surnames....when do you ask for those?

She rang back to apologise, we were in middle of a long chat but her battery has just died.
Not sure where it's getting us, but the comments about what I said breaking people's hearts when they've had it said to them are hard to read so I'll keep talking.

@bangheadhere40 I asked MrM his surname within the first week of messaging

I'm just a little sceptical to ask for his surname or number...but I kind of want to vet who I am meeting.....mmmmm tricky!

I don’t think I have ever asked for a surname but then I’m a super sleuth 😂

bang I'd always swapped numbers before meeting and was often asked my surname before meeting as well.

@bangheadhere40
re numbers, I have usually had them offered to me, apart from once when we stayed on the app until we met (didn't get on, so never swapped numbers!) with some, we have migrated onto messaging away from the app quite quickly, a couple have offered their number on the day of meeting.
Surnames - I have had 3 met tell me their surnames before we met ( I am assuming they thought I would search for them to check SM) and a couple after date 1, if we were going to meet again.

Again both are perfectly normal things to ask when OLD so dont feel nervous about doing so, it won't be the first time he's been asked.

Mr Ad's surname came up on his WhatsApp!

An old iron told me a trick that if you are the one to add to whatsapp their surname automatically comes up, if the other way round yours does and there's doesn't. If he messages later to arrange I may say can I take your number just incase of any issues. If you add someone to your phone contacts do they automatically come up in whatsapp? or do you have to add again.

@bangheadhere40 I don’t usually get asked for my surname before meeting for the first time. Most irons have swapped numbers before we’ve met, often as it’s just easier to chat via WhatsApp, but a few haven’t and I wouldn’t think it strange to not do that until after we’ve met.

@cat would you normally ask for their number though? or do girls ask for yours too?

It depends really - if we’re chatting away lots on the app then often they’ll give their number and suggest using WhatsApp. I don’t usually ask though - I figure if they’re comfortable doing it they’ll offer when they are ready. Everyone is different though so just do what you’re comfortable with - as long as you can message them via the app there’s no need to give them it until after you’ve met.

Thanks everyone, no hard and fast rules then! I guess if we meet tomorrow then I will sort it then!

My date with Mr Far Too Young has been cancelled. This would've been his first date after his divorce and he's chickened out.
I'm disappointed but it probably wasn't going to go anywhere anyway because of the age difference.

Yesterday I had 4 new matches on Tinder and they all turned out to be sex pests. And all were in their 50s. So I try and find men my age but I never seem to find a decent one.

@echo that's a shame and disappointing, sorry to hear that.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I'm 38, always tend to go for men in mid to late 40's, it's more because I had kids young and now they are teenagers men of that age seem to be at the same life stage, which is more important than age to me.

bangheadhere40 I'm 52.
The men I've met around my age seem to have stagnated! They don't do anything with their lives other than work, watch TV and drink beer with their mates at the weekend.

That's the opposite of me. I'm very active and always have lots going on.
Also I have a teenage daughter, which means I can't just go away for holidays or weekends away. Most men my age don't have that responsibility.

My favourite ever reason for an iron and I not continuing to chat was he said he loved women in denim. I said I didn't own any denim and he said ' okay, thanks for letting me know but it's kind of important so I won't be messaging again '

Heads up my Pof account got hacked (again) I’ve not been on it for months and sent out 100 messages asking for porn

You can also put phone numbers into fb or linked in and search for people

when I logged in to POF the other day after a break all my messages had disappeared!

onesmall thats a funny reason but seriously you don’t have 1 pair of jeans?