Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Mr Dimples just cancelled our first date on Friday. I texted back saying oh okay, we will have to do it another time. I was expecting him to not say anything to the text and for him to just turn into a penpal. But he came back straight away and said he is free on Saturday and would I like to meet then. First date is now Saturday instead - I'm causiously optimistic about him

@Jane1978xx definitely take your things. I did from the first time I stayed over.

Oh wow - I sent Miss Snooty a short message last night just saying it was nice to meet her, but didn’t think we were right for each other so good luck. And she has just replied saying she wants someone to make an effort, and sent me a link to some designer trainers!

So I’ve just sent her a gory pic of my last ankle operation saying it’s not down to lack of effort

@thecatwiththehat amazing come
Back 😂

Cat - that is so funny, I can't believe people act like that, Miss Snooty indeed! :-)

I'd have been tempted to send her a link to a short course on 'politeness' saying she could probably do with it, in response to the link to trainers.

Wow some of you seem to move so fast in this thread. Or perhaps I love very slowly. I'd take pjs over to sleep in but I wouldn't leave things there if it was early days. I like to wash my own things and wouldn't want to lose a pair of nice pjs! Mr B has stayed here 3x now but I wouldn't expect him to leave things behind.

And How do you manage hours of phone calls a day? I have a full time job, 2 kids, a house to maintain, sports activities and my friends. I wouldn't be able to fit in hours of calls as well!!

Good for you thecat, she has no manners or empathy and is incredibly entitled.

Can I ask a question about hair removal ? .
Date 5 will be an over night stay at his and I seriously need to do some tidying up in the garden area.
Absolutely no time to book a wax so does a cream like Veet do the job......ahem....everywhere?
I don't particularly want to shave as it always causes a rash.
Sorry for the tmi question lads on this thread but we share here so ....

😂 I’ve been seeing Mr GN for a year and the only thing he keeps here is his aftershave, but that’s basically for me so I can sprinkle some on my pillow if I’m sad. Pathetic I know!

I guess that some people are more open to whirlwind romances than others. We’re all different, and they don’t necessarily end in tears. But as a mum of three adult DDs I know I would worry about them rushing in.

TheCatWithTheHat Wow! I'm glad you replied with a good come-back.

Clovertoast I'd like to know the answer to that as well. It's been a while since I've needed any tidying up!

Notcoolmum good points, well said! I have no time to keep up with normal messaging with friends and family. Never mind potential dates.
I've never left anything at anyone's house and wouldn't consider it for months. But then I'm not after a 'living together' type of relationship

@banghead40 does he mean open day return or open any day? I would def let him know he's expected to go home that evening. 6 hours on a second date is plenty of time. That's like meeting at 8 and finishing at 2am. No need to rush into anything.

I think my earlier point was if things are right they will work out even if you take it more slowly. I don't understand the rush. We are all working mums (and dads) with busy lives. No need to plonk an iron in the centre of our lives so early on. Something must be being pushed out for that space? And if things don't work out that level of intensity leaves a big void.

I am looking for a full on partner. But I also have hard won independence following a controlling marriage and a life of my own that I value and cherish. And I would want my partner to have a life of their own too.

Very good reply @TheCatWithTheHat love it!

@Gitface I think you should do what feels right for you. I know he's asked for 2 weeks but having been through similar myself I know hard that is.

If you think you can give him another week then do, but if not then you need to say so. You need to look after number one, that's what he's doing, so you need to do the same.

Fact is he may simply be feeling guilty about moving on and just needs to get his head around it, that could go either way but he needs to know the risk he's taking in losing you. He may also think he's being kinder asking for space than either backing off quietly or ending it like I did, none of them are the kinder option imo, all are hard.

I suppose what I was asking before was, does he know what he's potentially giving up is not just his decision?

@Notcoolmum - I agree completely, I am not sure on the type of return, I think I need to manage his expectations that he will be going home.... There is lots of time if things are right, I don't want to do too much too soon.

At least that way if it is going great then it can be changed, but best to plan for him going.

@clover no idea about hair removal, normally use a razor if i even bother!

@Clovertoast do you have an electric razor ?

@Notcoolmum I don’t phone at all unless it’s on the day of meeting up to discuss plans we don’t chat on the phone and never have 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I’m going to take my most loungewear like pjs so I can drive home in them too 😂

No I don't have an electric one. Is that the way forward?

It’s pretty good yes and no rash etc

Noted thank you.

Agree with @Notcoolmum I value my independence, maybe a bit too much as that was a factor in my decision making this week. But now I know MissH does as well, so we're on the same page.
After 9 months I have nothing at MissH's and the only thing she has here is cotton wool and make up remover. Oh and we bought each other a toothbrush.
But we only live 15 mins apart so even if we've stayed at the others house and are spending the next day together it's easy to pop home and get ready while the other does the same.

Pjs/loungewear sounds like he perfect choice jane

I have taken pjs but never worn them. My ex lived in a bedsit with a shared bathroom so I used to wear his T-shirt for loo trips.

For the drive home I usually have jeans and a jumper.

I have some shampoo and conditioner at Mr Ad's and that is it! He has a toothbrush at mine. We just take a bag of thing with us when we stay over at each other's places.