Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron @Ruralbliss. I Mean should we be making more of an effort in some
Way. I think I just always try and find a negative 🤦‍♀️.

@Onesmallstep67 I know it’s not popular on this thread but I joined Match and met some nice men, one of whom I have been dating now for 9 months. I think a lot depends on where you live as some apps are better than others. I was giving up on Match as it was a bit slow in my area when I met Mr R.

Hello peeps - just checking in on shiny new fred! All's good with MrM and living the dream!

so I invited Mr Builder over for midweek dinner and he said he wants to slow thing down. it been about 10/11 weeks and we usually just meet weekends, money has been short so staying in mostly, playing games and stuff which doesng actually bother me.

he has said in the past he didnt want to rush, want to get to know his next partner as he rushed in to his last relationship.

was already feeling a bit down for other reasons and feeling a bit gutted. I was thinking it was about time to maybe add a wee night midweek? I'm not used to dating. what is the norm? I've asked if we can chat, was going to ask if he does like me or if he wants to see other people. we had already agreed not chtting to others, would it be weird to bring it up again? I just want to check I'm clear on what he means by taking it slow. wht is considered taking it slow but also moving forward iyknim?😩

@shitwithsugaron He's a good influence in your life which makes you the best you possible. In contrast to he who shall not be named who really drained you, made you question the most basic things and rights in a relationship and when that wasn't enough blamed stuff on you and his MH but never him, said he loved you (words mean little) you and so the pattern continued. That may sound a bit harsh but I felt he was breaking you down and I was genuinely worried about you.

Hi everyone another lurker here just checking in! I've learnt so much from reading this thread after the end of a 17 year relationship. I didn't have the first clue about OLD. I haven't had many dates but I think that's because I'm maintaining good boundaries and following all the sound advice (after a couple of false starts). I have a potential date on Saturday (not investing until it happens) but we've been regularly messaging for a couple of weeks until our childcare has aligned for a first date this weekend. So fingers crossed...

Checking in on the new thread, following on from trying to avoid that weird "must be coupled for Christmas" (god what was it called) phenomenon I'm now waiting until after half term to get back on the apps. I have a penpal who is edging towards a rl life fwb arrangement, but he's just so nice and normal I'm a little bit scared to mess up by meeting again 'just for the sex' (we've met enough to know there's huge chemistry but circumstances conspired initially and then I got a bit scared but he's good to have at the end of the phone!)

Quick update from me! I've sent Mr G a voicemail ending things. Due to the time difference I wouldn't be able to speak with him til very late. Ugh

@shitwithsugaron I know. I know he’s not the perfect man but he makes me
Happy and he’s kind and I know exactly where I stand. I am also trying to work on it. I know how he feels about me and he’s been clear on that several times but then I wonder why he takes 2 hours to reply to a message 🤦‍♀️ . I hope things continue to go well for you

Update. The fwb arrangement I proposed to mr...W? Began last night and was good. I've been very direct about what I want and he seemed fine with it. Staying off the apps. What i want just for a couple of months Is a bit of peace

Thanks, @shitwithsugaron. It feels horrible to spring it on him, but it's better than dragging it out, I would be lying and I can't do that. Although I am ending it for good reasons, we still had a nice time and it's a bit sad in that sense. I don't plan on dating again any time soon, though. No apps for me.

PP you've done right thing and that's ace. And you did it fast. X

Thank you.

He's responded and it's gone as well as can be expected. Onwards.

@onesmallstep67

Elite worked for me, tinder was just for fun. Off on holiday soon, a good test to see if we really should start the process of bringing our lives together. I just want to be sure

I've just joined a new app called helium no swiping just tap and talk which is a bit different!

Well I sent him the break up text and all I got back was. Cool, bye, take care. Apparently I meant that little to him. Lessons learnt from that. I'm officially on the single bench

@PerfectPretender, @Dancer well done on pulling the trigger fast, hope you are both ok. Plenty room on the singles bench! Think we should have better snacks than the smitten bench though!

@Dancerinthemoonlight what an awful person he was

@crazycatlady20. Does he mean see you less or just step back in some other way. I’m unsure from what he’s said what he means and you might say that a few weeks in but 3 months is a decent amount of time to be settled into a routine. I would ask what he means by slow down if it’s seeing him every few weeks that doesn’t seem very often at that stage. I’ve been seeing mr g similar and we see each other overnight twice a week or if we can only make one we’ll meet up for a few hours

And if he wants to get to know you surely he needs to see you more

I'm getting very cosy on the single and enjoying it bench. I do have better snacks than over on the smitten bench and also cocktails rather than gin. And some virgin cocktails for the lightweights among us. Come and join me for a bit @perfectpretender @dancerinthemoonlight it's not so bad over here. I'm getting a bit too cosy, 4 months and counting but doesn't mean anyone else has to stay that long. I'm currently wondering if I'll ever go back on the apps. Said I'd have a rest from tinder til feb but no chance I'm ready yet.