Wolfiefan is right. You cannot fix this at all. The relationship is over anyway now because he is abusive towards you.
What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
Did you see this behaviour at home?.
You met him when you were a teen yourself and he targeted you accordingly because you had no life experience to draw on. Do not further normalise this behaviour from him to your children; they cannot continue to learn such crap lessons about relationships. I presume you also having 3 children was mainly his idea too; such men like to keep their target trapped.
I presume as well this man can and does indeed come and go as he pleases. its one rule for him and quite another for you.
This is NOT about you having a night out. This is about him wanting to keep you in a gilded cage of his own paranoid making.
You are in a controlling relationship and such behaviour from him is not about love but instead about power and control. He wants absolute over you and your kids. He is also paranoid (he really does think you are going to cheat on an evening out) and a piss poor example of a father figure to his children because he treats you as their mother abusively.
Do read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft; that individual is in those pages. Do not embark on any form of joint counselling with him, this is never recommended where there is abuse within the relationship.
All you can do ultimately is leave him. How can you be helped here into doing this?.