How to get my partner to allow me a girls night out?

[smokedbacon]

Hi I've been with my partner for ten years we have three children under 5 and I'm mid 20s I've never ever been on a girls night out and I really want too.
He said no if I go he has to come or I can't go and I'll be breaking up our family and relationship for the sake of a night out.
I've never ever been out without him only to like the school runs shops or my mums or grandmas. What do I do?
He said if I go out I'll be cheating on him or I can't handle my drink or I'm using a girls night out as an excuse to meet men but I'm not.
I probably would only have two drinks as I don't really like it as much as I used too and plus having the children the next day would be difficult hungover.
I've never gave him a reason not to trust me he keeps telling me I don't love him and I'm a slag if I go but I haven't ever been out with my friends before and I really want to go but I guess it's not worth losing my relationship and family life over a night out is it?
Has anyone experienced this before??? I don't even know why I asked I know I shouldn't have to ask him but I did and it was vetoed straight away now it's gone to shite

Hold your nerve and let him pack his bags and leave. This isn't a relationship – you are his prisoner.

He sounds mentally unwell OP and you are essentially in prison. You need to let him pack his bags and go.

Let him leave, and build a life for you and your DC on your terms instead of his.

In these situations, I always think that if you can't manage to leave for yourself, then do it for your kids. Your children are growing up in a toxic and dysfunctional household. They may already be picking up behaviours based on what they see the male role model in their life doing, and learning how they should treat others and be treated. If you can't pluck up the courage to leave for yourself, then please do it for your children who rely on you to provide a decent home life filled with respect.

this is the saddest Thread to read OP... I'm so sad for you locked down with your desperately controlling partner who will suffocate the life out of you .. you are recognising the signs now because you are on here asking the right questions...

is this normal ? the simple answer is NO... this is not normal behaviour OP...

please read this link.. 20 signs of controlling behavious..

number 1 is : Isolating you from friends and family.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

Let him pack his bags and let him leave. Then start living a life because right now you just have existance. He is abusing you and this will not get better.

Sadly I doubt he will leave. He may even let you go out, but while you are out he will constantly phone you, or follow you, or will throw every accusation under the sun at you when you get home, to the point where you won't bother going out again as it's not worth the stress.

It won't get better. End this relationship befire it gets worse.

Can you tell this was me a few years ago.

He says he's like this because of me but I haven't done anything wrong. I met him at 16 and been with him ever since we've never done anything as a couple really we've never been away together or had any great nights out I try and tell him what we could do together but he's not interested he just wants to be at home and me here too.
Maybe because I've missed all my teen years of going out it's trying to come out now I don't know.
But since day one I've just been with him at home I've never ever gone on a night out or day out with friends.
I have got one friend who lives next to me which he hates but he doesn't mind me going into the town centre with her whilst kids are at school, but I'm not allowed to go gym with her which I did want to start doing so maybe he is quite controlling I don't really know.
I've never tried to actually go out without him before this is the first time I've bought it up and started making plans to go

Eh the key is in your title.."allow"!! You dont need his permission..what an emotionally blackmailing,controlling piece of shite you have lumbered yourself with. Go on your long deserved long overdue night out..after you have packed his bags and shown him the door

That is madness. I have three children with my husband, and not only do I go on nights out (off for a curry tonight), I go away for the weekend without him or them.

You know this isn't normal. Don't back down.

Does he have nights out with with his friends? Then you can also have the same amount per week. How you worded your title says alot about how controlled you are. No adult needs permission to have a night out.

Unfortunately if you do decide to go he'll make it difficult and will do off when it's time leaving you with the kids. You'll have to book a babysitter and then he'll probably come with you anyway.

Personally I think leaving his controlling arse is more beneficial to you. It might take a while for you to wrap your head round but you will.

Don't let him get you pregnant again.

Do you know this isn't normal? Has the responses shocked you?

@DartmoorChef I'm so sorry to hear that and he does that already if I go to my Grandmas because it's an area I used to live in I have old friends around there so when I go he constantly calls and texts to make sure I'm still in the house with her and not lying because he doesn't trust me. I usually FaceTime him or something to prove I'm there but I stopped going I haven't been to her house since September she comes over here now sometimes instead.

It's not a girls night because you're not a girl. You're an adult and you don't need permission from anyone else to go out.

I'm really hoping this is a wind up but in case it isn't, let him pack his bags. So what? He doesn't seem worth keeping

Are you fucking serious ?????

Why is he so insecure ?

Not a chance in hell I would ever EVER tolerate such abusive, controlling, jealous behaviour.

Dont let him get away with this x

Maybe because I've missed all my teen years of going out it's trying to come out

You have grown up with him and now you’re an adult. You can live this life or you can choose not to. Would you choose this life for your children?

Call his bluff; I'd pack his bag for him too.

He’s like this because of you? Eh? No he’s a nasty controlling bully who tries to prevent you challenging him by blaming his totally unacceptable behaviour on you. It’s not your fault.
You need to get out.
My DH doesn’t allow me to so things. I choose what I do. I might ask if it’s ok but that’s just a courtesy really and to check it doesn’t clash with his plans.

I'm not allowed to go gym with her which I did want to start doing so maybe he is quite controlling I don't really know.

There is no "maybe" or "quite" about it – and I suspect you know that already OP, which is why you've posted today. Tell him that you're not backing down, you're going out, and he needs to stop controlling your life.

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone individually yet I'm just reading and taking it all in. I did think he might be controlling but he says it's me who makes him like this so I just assumes it's me and it's normal I don't really have many friends so haven't got anything to compare it too.
He is at work now and has blocked me from messaging him now because I said I am going.
I do love him but I feel like I've missed out on so much of my life. I've never been to a concert, I've never been abroad, I've never had a night out, I've never stayed away from him overnight without the children etc nothing really.
It just upsets me because I'm 27 this year and haven't done anything except be a mum which I love but I just want a little bit more than just being a mum

I would not be with my husband if he didn’t allow me to have time to be me. I’m off out Friday night with two friends. He will look often our 3 kids. He’s fine with it- sometimes he encourages it as I get stressed in my job.

This is absolutely 100% not a safe or healthy relationship for you and your children. He has kept you prisoner for 10 years, since your teens. Start planning your escape, slow and steady and baby steps. Lots of advice here.

You wouldn't be losing your relationship over a night out, you'd be losing it over his complete lack of respect for you. Do you really want to live like that? Do you want your children to grow up thinking thats ok? I bet he goes out with his friends, is he a slag too?

It's not normal in a relationship, with kids you might have to check if the other parent is free to have them, or organise a babysitter but you shouldn't need permission.

OP this is not ok. I met DH at 18 so not much older than you and we've recently had our first child. He is bang out of order, even if he's worried about managing the kids on his own your family live near by. This is done purely to control you. Listen to PPs and strongly consider leaving this man. In comparison I regularly nip out when DH is with the baby and in June me and my sister are going on a "girls trip" 500 miles away.

You are in a virtual prison, please break out of it and live your life for yourself and your children. He has no right to do this to you.