Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to make of this comment?

206 replies

sc93 · 28/01/2020 05:36

Hi guys just after some casual advice
I've been in two mentally and physically abusive relationships over the past 10 years, and now I'm currently in a new one and all seems to be good. He is twice my age but that doesn't matter as he is sweet loving caring and behaves in the same manner as me
However for two days now he has made the comment of "I wouldn't want you to get bigger than you already are" (I'm a size 12 and have been for years only been smaller in my teens)
Is this a dig at my size? I'm unsure of how I'm supposed to feel about this comment
Any advice would be great x

OP posts:
LividLaughLovely · 01/02/2020 06:36

Oh come on.

Stop being so naive. You’re a grown up.

Take responsibility. Leave him.

wibdib · 01/02/2020 14:41

What would he say/do if you turned around and said hang on a moment, we are in a pretty new relationship. We are still getting to know each other. It’s really important to keep up my friends and spend quality time with them without you. You should spend time with your dc and friends too. This is supposed to be a partnership. An equal partnership. You are not my boss and you do not get to dictate who I can see or how I spend my time.

And then sit back and see what he says - particularly if you point out that he’s put on weight or is looking a bit grey or similar to make a point back to him that he’s not perfect either.

Hopefully his reactions will be enough to convince you that he doesn’t want you as you, he wants you but exactly as he wants you to be - obedient, compliant, there to service him and his needs at the expense of your own. And that will be enough to escape while you can.

I’m not biased against relationships with big age gaps - I’ve seen them work with a gap of 25 years for a marriage of over 30 years. However people would be saying the same to you if he was a year younger - the way he treats you rings a lot of warning bells and flies a lot of red flags!

Bananalanacake · 01/02/2020 15:55

What would happen if you put your foot down and said,,, I don't want to move in with you and I am going out every Friday night with my friends, I will see you in the week.
His reaction will tell you lots.

BringBackLangCleg · 01/02/2020 16:10

If you weren't put off by the fact he's the sort of bloke who leaves his wife and kids for a women half his age in her twenties, then it seems unlikely that you will be put off by a couple of comments about your weight, however concerning they obviously are.

There isn't really much more he could do at this stage (not living together, not sharing finances yet, no children together etc) to show you what sort of person he is.

My strong advice is to leave him and don't consider contacting him until you have completed the Freedom Program (at which point you hopefully won't want to).

Craftycorvid · 01/02/2020 17:24

OP, some advice regardless of whether or not you think the sun shines out of his arse right now. Remain financially independent. Do NOT marry him. Do NOT move in with him. Be extremely wary of his behaviour and the fact that you will, sooner or later, find yourself still young and curious, most likely with ambition, and you will be partnered up with someone with no interest in anything but their own comforts. Where you are both at now, the age gap probably feels of no significance. When you are 45 and he is 70, trust me, it will be significant.

Easilyflattered · 01/02/2020 19:02

Most people grow wiser with age and experience.

And that's why this bloke is seeking out a much younger woman, because most women his own age would feel more confident calling him out on his nonsense.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.