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Hi guys just after some casual advice
I've been in two mentally and physically abusive relationships over the past 10 years, and now I'm currently in a new one and all seems to be good. He is twice my age but that doesn't matter as he is sweet loving caring and behaves in the same manner as me
However for two days now he has made the comment of "I wouldn't want you to get bigger than you already are" (I'm a size 12 and have been for years only been smaller in my teens)
Is this a dig at my size? I'm unsure of how I'm supposed to feel about this comment
Any advice would be great x

this man left his family for me
He has nothing except me In his life
he has given up so much for me
is planning the rest of our lives together

HUGE red flags op.

He left his wife and children for a younger woman = a man who is likely to do the same to you. He didn't give anything up for you, he gave it up for his dick. I guess his wife doesn't understand him, right?

Already planning your life together = abusive men rush in, in order to get you to "fall" quickly, so you are less likely to leave.

But leave you must, this isn't good for you.

He started to feel sick because you wanted a weekend away?

Wow, he really is a control freak, hey! He is worried that you will see him for who he really is. Dump him. Watch how quickly he attempts to stop the divorce.

So many red flags already

He played the victim by 'feeling sick' to distract you from the weekend away. This is manipulation. As was the comment.

We are all telling you to leave but if you won't just yet I'd cool it off at the very least. Let's see his true colours when you back off, you live your full life with friends and weekends away.

Please please please don't repeat the same cycle in this relationship.

he felt sick so you didnt go.

OP I suspect that because this is nothing like your previous relationship you think its ok. He is still abusive. Please look up the freedom programme and work on your boundaries without a relationship

That holiday conversation is terrifying. Seriously.
There was a twenty year age gap between my parents and they were very happily married. So I'm not factoring that into anything. And I very rarely join in the LTB pile ons.
But purely based on the weight conversation and the holiday one,.I'd say get out now. Really. There is a world of pain ahead if you remain with him.

Did you go on the holiday away?

Nasty old git felt an ikle bit sickie because you wanted some time with your friends. Run as fast as you can. You can have a great life but not with this abusive shagger.

Wow yeah, he sounds like such a great catch. So he’s 52 and left his wife and children for a woman half his age who he now puts down? I’m sure he’s really special, definitely has room to tell you how to look .

Do you have self esteem issues OP? I have no idea why a 26 year old would be interested in a married man in his fifties.

Your last update is terrifying

He is not "sweet, loving and caring" at all. It seems that you have been sucked into believing it because he behaves as if he is,

His kids not talking to him is a major red flag. (As he's 51 I'm assuming teens) You can't stop a teen seeing their Dad (assuming no court order) if they are both willing to meet up or contact each other online. I have a child who doesn't speak to their Dad and I know that their Dad is doing the same behaviours that he did with our child in his relationship.

Do not think about taking him on your holiday. Your female friends are very important for your wellbeing and he should be encouraging. Keeping a partner away from their friends and family is a classic abuser's tactic. He wants to be the centre of your universe so you're trapped. Whatever happens don't have a child with him.

Agree with Pallasathena's sentiments. It's worth saying that you should be commended for getting out of two abusive relationships. you're a survivor OP and be honest with yourself- you posted this because you know his behaviour isn't right.

You can do this OP. You deserve more.

Op I also fell into a relationship with an older man post abusive one..
Years of abuse. We had dc. Took me years to repair the damage he caused to my relationships with them. He told people I had mh issues when it was caused by years of court matters with him.

Our joint dc are nc with him now. If parental alienation had been a crime then he would be in jail still..
He deliberately got me pregnant against my knowledge... I resigned to being stuck with him.

But I did Ltb eventually..
Do it today op and don't look back.

Oh OP I’m jumping on simply to add more noise to the Crowd telling you to go

Please don’t stay with him
This is such an unhealthy dynamic and bodes really badly for you

It is absolutely certain you will end up tied to the controlling man who makes you miserable, stops you seeing friends and trashes your self esteem.

Please please know you can find a much more fulfilling and equal relationship
Please don’t settle for this

Spend some time getting to know yourself and working on how to make good choices.

The freedom programme is an excellent place to start

Why are you with this man?

He is a contoling, manipulative, cheating scum.

You would do well to have more self respect.

But you are not going to end it are you?

He’s awful, please dump him and concentrate on yourself. The freedom programme is a good idea, give it a google.

He has nothing except me In his life and I feel guilty bout walking away as he has given up so much for me

He hasn't given anything up for you - he's given it up for him as he's found someone younger and more vulnerable to control.

He is gaslighting you by making out he did all this for you - he absolutely didn't and you owe him nothing.

You wouldn't have posted on here if you thought everything was fine, so trust your instincts and run, fast. Cut off all contact as you know he will just try to manipulate you to do what he wants again. Naturally he'll want to save face by keeping you by his side, especially given all the upset he's caused his family.

And for heaven's sake, do the freedom programme before you even think about dating again.

He hasn't given anything up for you - he's given it up for him as he's found someone younger and more vulnerable to control

He is gaslighting you by making out he did all this for you - he absolutely didn't and you owe him nothing

Exactly. Leaving his family wasn't something he did for you. It was a selfish act that he did for himself. He wanted a newer, slimmer model.

He's not a nice man, his kids want nothing to do with him. How does he speak about his wife? That could be telling.

I'd run for the hills if I were you, you've managed to bag yourself a mid-life crisis, definitely not a decent catch; throw him back.

OP please don't move to be with this walking mid life crisis cliche. So many red flags.

He'll destroy your self esteem and isolate you. Hes already starting - don't let him finish the job.

Ask him what would happen if you went up to a size 14.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk

He really is pulling out all the stops to manipulate you. Don't let him guilt you into keeping him company. Especially not when he tries to isolate you from friends and family while warning you that you need to look a certain way to be worthy of his attention.

You deserve so.much.more

Op. If this man went to work and was hit on by his new, 24 year old, size 8 secretary, he’d dump you in a heartbeat. He’s easily flattered and makes decisions with his dick. He does nothing for you...only him.

OP, your relationship will be abusive. But maybe you need to go through it a third time to hit home.

Yup as others have said this man might as well come with a flagpole wedged up his arse he is giving out that many red flags.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE look at doing the freedom programme. Do not move in with him, do not leave your life. This is another abusive relationship, you just don't have the tools to see it.

His comment is actually your get out of jail free card. It has woken you up to things are not as rosy as they seem.

You might be looking for a white knight, someone to repair you from previous experiences, but he is not a rescuer, he is an abuser. He wants to control who you go out with, where you go, he wants to go with you, and then he is starting to gently kick at your self esteem through your appearance before he eventually goes all out to destroy what confidence and autonomy you have.

The red flag is not a flag, it is a king sized red duvet cover of a flag. 26, you are in the prime of your life. He is middle aged, has lots of baggage, not even Clooneyesque, and he is going to get worse, in temperament and looks.

You need to not be in a relationship for a while. It's a big world out there. Expand your limits, do something that is not about relationships and settling down. Be free, be young. Time rushes past so fast, you are in danger of letting your prime years be taken over by somebody who has had his.