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Hi guys just after some casual advice
I've been in two mentally and physically abusive relationships over the past 10 years, and now I'm currently in a new one and all seems to be good. He is twice my age but that doesn't matter as he is sweet loving caring and behaves in the same manner as me
However for two days now he has made the comment of "I wouldn't want you to get bigger than you already are" (I'm a size 12 and have been for years only been smaller in my teens)
Is this a dig at my size? I'm unsure of how I'm supposed to feel about this comment
Any advice would be great x

Listen to the wise women on MN and get away from this loser. You don't realise when you are in your twenties, but you have so much to give and the world is at your feet. Don't waste these years on him!

you are in danger of letting your prime years be taken over by somebody who has had his.

OMG yes!!!! he's had his youth, now he wants to take over yours.

OP I'd guess your friends and family don't like him very much?

Do you genuinely think that he is a decent, good person?

Do you see that he is controlling and manipulative or do you believe him when he (presumably) tells you he does these things because he loves you / wants the best for you etc?

Love isn't based on your dress size. Especially when we are talking about him saying he wouldn't want you if you were a 14 versus a 12.

Think about it. He values you as a person based on what... 7-10 pounds of weight? Is that really all you're worth?

He wanted you to take him on a girls holiday, pay for him and felt sick at the thought you're going?

What the heck are you doing op, can you not see the warning signs. This man is controlling, he's trying to isolate you and control you, from where you go, to who you see, to how you look.

You need to get out. Don't move down there. Honestly. Your future self with thank you. You're in another abusive relationship.

Well done on working out he is a dangerous creep before getting more involved than you are. You don’t owe him anything. Leave him now.

OP, you are with another abusive man and in a years time you will be at his beck and call, walking on eggshells to keep him happy and isolated from everyone who loves you and cares about you. At best. Run, fast, and do the Freedom programme. Men like this need to die out in isolation from normal human beings. Also, do you KNOW he left his wife? Perhaps she finally saw the light and now he is targeting you as his next best option. Either way, this man does NOT love or care for you. Go and enjoy your life.

He wanted you to take him on a girls holiday, pay for him and felt sick at the thought you're going?

Exactly. Could you have a bigger red flag than that, OP?
Seriously, do you think there's any part of that quoted sentence that is normal behaviour?

I'd suggest you run a million miles away from this man.

Oh no, OP, you deserve so much better than this.

Please at least consider slowing the relationship down even if you can't face walking away completely yet (not that I want to discourage you from that idea ...). Above all, DON'T leave your current home and friends, job, etc. to go move in with him. Don't move in with him or let him move in with you. Keep spending time with your other friends and find other people who have healthy relationships and observe the dynamic. That's what you'd want to do in a healthy relationship anyway, your partner should want you to have a rich and fulfilling life that isn't entirely centred around him.

Dump and run, please.

OP he's going to control everything you do.
Then he'll say "I left my wife and kids for you and you won't even do this little thing for me?" Every. Single. Time.

End it before it's too hard to get away.

Run away. (Did he actually tell you his ex was a size 16? I'd bet my house that my husband wouldn't have a clue what size clothes I wear)

This man is training you to put his feelings first
Better not gain weight he won't like it
Can't go away with friends he won't like it/will be physically sick
Can't leave him he gave everything up for me.

Firstly he gave up his marriage for himself and his ego
Secondly physically sick really what did that look like let me guess a bunch of words
And as for his shallow comment on your appearance(future weight) wow really is that what you want in a man a shallow guilt tripper?
Do yourself a favour and let this man and his ego go let him deal with giving up his marriage for himself by himself. I'd say his wife and kids are disgusted by his actions and you should be too.

Get rid before this turns into another 10 years of hell. You've spotted the red flags now it's time to let him go

Given that his kids are probably mid teens or adults it speaks volumes that they want nothing to do with him.

he has no rights to say that to you. I will not stay with a man who says that to me.

he left his wife and family for me
Yes and I'm sure that he'll never let you forget it.

Sounds like your instinct to post is spot on, and the example of the holiday is very telling. A loving partner encourages you to spend time with your friends and have fun!

Have you had the trip away with your friend? If not, I suggest you arrange it, you don't need permission to do so and it would send an important message to yourself (and him) that you make decisions for yourself. Look forward to having fun with your friend, observe his reaction and compare how you feel not seeing him for 2 weeks/ spending time with your friend vs. how you feel with him.

Sounds like you are hesitant to share your real feelings with him and this sounds wise given the circumstances. However the solution isn't to stop sharing who you are to fit into the relationship but rather to find people who are interested in, and care about your real feelings and thoughts (rather than what size clothing you wear).

Just popped on to say I wish his wife and children all the luck, love and happiness in the world! I bet they're over the moon that he's finally fucked off the slimey weasel!

The comments about him "treating" you...he sees you as a prostitute of sorts. The size thing (strange that you know is wifes dress size! Why is that) he's warning you if you step out of line and become less attractive to him he'll cheat (although I'd be surprised if he isn't already, he probably has one lined up for when you're away).

Best thing you can do is end it and see how quickly he crawls back to his wife to grovel (in my experience ex tried to come back to me, the delight I took in laughing in his face was indescribable). He's also never stopped trying to sleep with me til this day, even whilst with the ow!

Ask him what he meant. Simple

Don't make this your 3rd abusive relationship!
He's an immature, controlling idiot. He chose to leave his wife and children... Or so he says. His wife is probably rubbing her hand with glee that he's gone.
He wants to control what you eat, where you are to live, when you see and spend time with your friends. A caring, kind person wouldn't behave that way.
Dump him, he's no good for you. At 26 you should be enjoying life. You've spent 10yrs in crap relationships. Don't waste your time in another one.
Dump him!

He's a nasty, controlling bastard. Get out now.

Please don't move in. He's showing v controlling behaviour, it'll be so much worse if you live together, you won't be able to do a thing. This man is clipping your wings.

How old are his kids, are they your age?

red flag

You have been in avusive relationships since you were 16 years old and now are in a relationship with a man twice your age who has a huge amount of baggage and who is undermining you via your weight. He made the decision to leave his wife and family - that has nothing to do with you.

You should finish the relationship and spend some time single and working on what you want from a relationship.