My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

[Emilysr194]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

[Ffsnosexallowed]

Tell him to leave. You've been together less than 6 months and you recognise the signs - ltb

[Thinkingabout1t]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person
Stop right there.
You do not need this in your life. He will make your life hell.

[TwentyViginti]

Oh god. You're already living with him? That needs changing ASAP.

[GCAcademic]

You've only been with him since August? This is only going to get worse and worse. Get rid fast, and next time don't be so quick to move in with someone you barely know.

[Inherdefence]

You need him out of your house and out of your life ASAP.

[Whocutdownthecherrytree]

Break. Up. With. Him

That’s what you do.

[Mandarinfish]

OP, you say you haven’t had much luck with men, it could be that this isn’t ‘luck’ but that you need to have firmer boundaries in place. Please dump this guy and spend some time thinking about yourself before you enter another relationship.

What was your parents’ relationship like?

[Whocutdownthecherrytree]

I also recommend you find a good therapist. If this isn’t the first controlling/abusive partner you’ve had, there is probably an underlying reason for it that you need to address so you don’t make the same mistake again - best of luck. Enjoy your holiday

[lubeybooby]

I once had a bf like this. I made excuses for him and married him. Ignored red flags. he's now my ex husband and my biggest mistake in life. You don't want to spend a second of your time with anyone who does anything but support you and make you feel good at least 99.5% of the time (tiny amounts of rare grumpiness is unavoidable but anything more than that imho is unhealthy)

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

A dissenting voice here.
No, not really.
Please quit him now before it's too late.

[Justaboy]

Wouldnt necessarily say "controlling" more like very insecure:(

[PGtipsplease]

I’ve been where you are. I let a man move in with me after three months. I’d had shit ex’s too.

Honestly It never gets better. If anything worse because you start giving in and find yourself isolated and not knowing if your doing right from wrong.

That was many moons ago now and I feel sad for the younger me who lived like that for five years. It took ages to fully get rid of him, had to call the police eventually.

I’m now married with three kids and going abroad in a girls holiday in the summer.

When I told DH what I was doing he just said ‘Ohhh can’t be bad!’ We don’t begrudge each other time out.

That’s how two people should be with each other.

[Frenchw1fe]

Throw him out. Block him. Have a great holiday.
Oh and get someone to check your home regularly whilst you're away, at different times of day. And check your phone for stalking devices.

[zafferana]

OP please do exactly what @AttilaTheMeerkat says in her post. You are vulnerable because of your previous abusive relationship. You need counselling to undo that damage and learn to recognise an abuser when you meet him, not when he's already moved in with you and is exerting control. It's not that you don't have 'luck' with men, you have low self-esteem and lack good judgement and that's not the same thing. Please get this man out of your life and then use the Freedom Programme to help you make better choices of partner in the future. No good will ever come of being in a relationship with someone who is controlling and jealous

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

it has moved very quickly and he is living with me

Christ, didn't take him long to get his feet under the table, did it?

I suspect one of the reasons why he's ANGRY about you going on holiday, is that your 2 best friends will talk some sense into you.

Seriously, dump him and get him out of your home NOW before you go one holiday.

Please do The Freedom Programme and seek some counselling to help you establish better boundaries.

You're only 25, you do not have to settle for this possessive, controlling twat. And as everyone else has said, it will just get worse from here until you are isolated, questioning your own sanity and miserable.

I'm not saying this for dramatic effect. I've been there. And it took me years to work out how to get out and put myself back together again. Please don't be me. Don't waste time on this horrible man. You deserve better than that.

Enjoy your holiday and tell your best friends everything about this guy. They won't judge. They'll just help you get away (and stay away) from him.

[kalinkafoxtrot45]

Dump the arsehole, have a lovely holiday, do the Freedom Programme before you date anyone else. On no account ever allow a man to dictate what you do with your life, where you go or who you are. That way lies only misery and you deserve better. And screw what his stupid family say, remember they made him that way, so of course they agree with him.

[viques]

He is going to squeeze the joy out of your life until you are desperately lonely, friendless, anxious, unable to make decisions on your own or to trust your own judgement.

But don't worry, you will still have a boyfriend who loves you, cares about you and always , always ALWAYS has your best interests at heart even though you can't see it and you don't understand the pain it causes him when you try to do the things he doesn't like, or you don't answer your phone, tell him where you are, tell him who you had lunch with, spoke to, sat next to at work..............

[tweedler]

Ugh. Utterly ridiculous. Ltb.

[OurChristmasMiracle]

Honestly leave him. He’s already trying to control you. Eventually that control and possessiveness will move from emotional abuse (when that stops working) to physical abuse because he will feel out of control.

Leave now. Do the freedom programme.

[Boireannachlaidir]

Wow. He sounds horrendous. I know you've previously been in a physically abusive relationship so this one may seem better but it's not.

Is he even paying his way having moved in so quickly? What was the rush?

Please listen to what has been said, jealousy & possessiveness are not good character traits. You deserve better.

[HollowTalk]

Of course his family agree with him; they are just like him.

Whose flat/house is it? Whose name is on the contracts?

[Skittlesandbeer]

Wait till you see what he has in store to try and ruin your trip (and everyone else’s) while you’re away. He will sabotage it at every turn. Every text, call or even if you have a few hours not in contact. He wants to punish you, make you pay.

Now imagine a partner who high fives you when you announce the trip, buys you a special suitcase to show your support and tells you to not worry about him but just enjoy your time away with dear friends. He contacts the hotel/restaurant he knows you’re going to and pays for a bottle of champagne to make your reunion extra special. He organises a romantic dinner to welcome you home, and asks you when the next visit is, excited for you and how well it went.

That kind of boyfriend is not a fantasy. I’ve had several. Find one for yourself, and discover real joy.

[messolini9]

Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous?
If you need to ask, he's already done a number on you.

And what do I do?
Dump him, & have an amazing holiday with the friends who love you, without needing to possess & control you.

[Justaboy]

That kind of boyfriend is not a fantasy. I’ve had several. Find one for yourself, and discover real joy.

Seeings that good men here are a rareity skittles whey did you get through so many?

Just askin;!.

[MabelCloth]

his personality just switches within seconds of something not going his way

JustABoy the above is a good indication of the difference between ‘insecure’ and ‘controlling’