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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

290 replies

Emilysr194 · 24/01/2020 09:22

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

OP posts:
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Summery1 · 25/01/2020 23:26

I hope you're feeling better OP.
The unanimous MN feedback is YANBU & you're better off without him. But it's still not nice, in the moment, to be the 'dumpee'. But it is a great outcome, he just preempted you. Don't let him suck you back in.

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Jux · 26/01/2020 00:19

Look for the Freedom Programme. It will help you be more assertive and maintain your boundaries.

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FilledSoda · 26/01/2020 00:30

Just make sure he actually goes , immediately.
He was expecting you would beg him to stay .

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Honeyroar · 26/01/2020 01:53

I really hope that he’s left the house and you’re strong enough to not let him back, realise you deserve much better treatment, and are able to keep that strength when he tries to come back apologetic (because he won’t mean it and it won’t last!)

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timeisnotaline · 26/01/2020 03:13

Winning that he broke up with you, but did he give his keys back and take his stuff? That would be properly winning.

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Dozer · 26/01/2020 08:11

Make sure he physically leaves immediately, and change the locks.

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Isthisit22 · 26/01/2020 08:32

Bet he hasn't moved out.
Just another manouvre to make you feel bad and beg him to stay.
Make him leave and change the locks.

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AnyFucker · 26/01/2020 10:50

Op, where are you

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FizzyGreenWater · 26/01/2020 10:55

You're supposed to panic, apologise, crawl and beg and cancel your holiday.

Needless to say, don't.

It's hard I know, but every single one of the responses here have him pegged correctly.

Give him the shock of his life and tell him to leave you alone WHEN - and it will absolutely be when - he makes contact in a fury because you haven't been calling and begging him to reconsider.

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crosspelican · 26/01/2020 19:34

Well got home and asked to speak. He broke up with me.

You're supposed to panic, apologise, crawl and beg and cancel your holiday.

Stay strong, Emily! He is a dickhead and he is expecting you to beg, but you recognised everything he said from the manipulator's playbook, so you KNOW he is an abuser and you KNOW to keep him the hell out of your life from now on.

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Dozer · 27/01/2020 07:25

OP hasn’t been back.

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CalleighDoodle · 27/01/2020 08:24

She knows what he is doing now. Next time she might have the strength to leave.

Dont let him ruin your holiday

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CherryCheezcake · 27/01/2020 08:51

Sadly I worry that she has shown him this thread (she mentioned showing him a screenshot about types of abusers), and either he's convinced her that we're all man-hating bitches who want to stop her having a boyfriend; or he's broken her phone.

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fishonabicycle · 27/01/2020 12:32

Fuxake! You've only been seeing this dick for a few months - ditch him.

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fishonabicycle · 27/01/2020 12:38

Sorry - just seen he's saved you that bother. Get him out, change the locks and enjoy your holiday as a free woman! Don't take him back.

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