My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

[Emilysr194]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

[katewhinesalot]

He's probably like he is because of his family. So they will think it's ok won't they. They are used to him. You aren't and shouldn't be.

[Clymene]

You have bought him a holiday for his birthday and you have known him less than 6 months?!

I'm glad you're still reading this thread Emily. Have you had any thoughts about the many other posts suggesting that this is an abusive relationship and you should end it?

When is your holiday planned for?

[HouseworkAvoider10]

Get him out of your home.
He sounds v abusive.
Seriously.
He sounds dangerous.

[emmylousings]

Many people on here - myself included - will have experienced this, and we can all tell you with absolute certainty, that this will get worse and become much more miserable and harder to get out of. Please do yourself a favour and end it now.

[Thinkingabout1t]

Emily, if you split up with nasty controlling bf before you go, you can have a wonderful time of fun and freedom with your friend.

If you’re stll with bf, you’ll have the shadow over you the whole time - and he may even be smart enough to send ypu loving Messages to try to keep you on the leash. As soon as you’re home, he’ll be back to his old controlling ways.

[Crabonastick]

Let me guess- he doesn’t pay any rent either

[bingoitsadingo]

Please could someone explain why the shower is so bad for jewellery? I understand for very soft stones or for things like pearls, but for very durable stones like sapphire and diamond - what is it that does the damage?

[bingoitsadingo]

wrong thread sorry!

[Butterflyflower1234]

Emily this man is horrendous!! Honestly he's exactly like my ex. He has utterly gaslit you. He's living with you and now you feel responsible for him. I bet you're scared to ask him to leave your home as you're not sure how he will react. Trust me things will never improve!!

[Antihop]

Why are you with him? Why are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery?

[ptumbi]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. - do you think that's because he's 'Sweet'? He's 'insecure'?
I bet he likes knowing where you are at ALL TIMES so he can imagine you there in his mind? He's so 'Loving', right? I bet he wants to come along on all your social events too, as he 'loves being with you' ALL THE TIME?

FGS - chuck him out. He is controlling and will eventually beat you into a shadow of yourself.

Go on Holiday, leave him behind. IF he leaves you - Win/Win.

If he doesn't, Leave him.

And never allow again a person you've known for less than 6 moths live with you!

[Hepsibar]

He should be delighted you are going on holiday, what a selfish pig trying to spoil it for you.

I would suggest his fears of losing control will grow over the years and if you ever become financially dependent or have children, then it will be really difficult to extract yourself ...

Please leave him as soon as poss.

[Dozer]

Is it your property or rental agreement?

If so, ask him to leave now and change the locks, before you go away.

Him moving in was a bad plan, and he’s shown himself to be emotionally abusive.

Apart from the high risk of your holiday being marred by having to deal with him from afar, there is also a risk that he could damage your / the rented property. You wouldn’t be insured for that and would be financially liable.

[Emilysr194]

@messolini9 he does pay half the rent. the reason he moved in so quickly is my own doing, he was being kicked out of his own place (not for anything bad, they just needed the place back) and he didn't have anywhere to go.

[SandyY2K]

There comes a time ppl need to take responsibility for staying in poor relationships..this is the time.

Analysing his possesiveness and jealousy will not help you. The signs are there... hid his family are justifying his behaviour, so you can see where he gets it from.

He moved in so quickly...doesn't sound like you suggested it.

It's time to stop making excuses and get some healthy boundaries.... while he actually allows you to be yourself.

[Ellie56]

"He didn't have anywhere else to go."

How convenient OP.

[AnyFucker]

That was a foolish thing to do, Emily.

[Dozer]

Whose name is on the rental agreement? If yours alone do the terms allow you to sub-let?

If your name and no sub letting your at high personal risk here, financially and of losing your rented home.

[tweedler]

You are young and you really don't need this type of behaviour in your life.

I had this with my first boyfriend. It quickly escalated (within a year) to me getting so much hassle for even spending time on the phone to myself family, brushing my teeth and showering as soon as I got home, Incase I had had a quick drink after work with my colleagues and forget about seeing my friends! He was so possessive.

When I eventually left, (I took a big holiday to Africa, alone) and then met a wonderfully kind man. He showed me the sort of relationship that we should all have, supportive, kind and drama free.

We have been married almost 20 years.

My ex has been divorced twice, the last I heard.

Please get him out, enjoy your holiday and find someone who will treasure you.

[Chocolatedaim]

You will love New Zealand, one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited.

What do your friends and family think of your boyfriend?

Best case scenario, he is depressed and insecure and with some support could turn a corner. At worst (and to be honest probably more likely) he is an abusive bully that will just get worse.

I suspect, as you have come online to ask a group of strangers our opinion, you want to get rid of him. Are there people close to you that you can trust? If so, you really need to talk to them. You need a strong network around you.

All the best

[pinkyredrose]

OP why does he live with you? Where was he living when you met, was it his idea or yours to live together?

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

Oh stop it, OP! Just stop wasting your time wit( these losers! Go man free for a few months and get some counselling, in order to work out why you’re so desperate to have a man, at any cost to your own safety and mental health.

[eddielizzard]

You're out of one abusive relationship, straight into the next. Moving fast should always be a red flag, because abusers can't keep up the facade for that long. He's a controlling arsehole and it won't get better, because however he was in the beginning is a lie, and this is the real him. Get out / kick him out. There is no happy ending to your relationship with him. The happy ending is you managing to end it.

[crosspelican]

You're in a strong position here.

There are honestly zero repercussions to telling him that actually, you don't want to go out with him any more, and you need him to move out this weekend.

He brings nothing to your life, only anxiety and soon, I'm willing to bet - fear. I'm not even going to ask if you ever find yourself appeasing him - how many times a DAY to you find yourself appeasing him?

[WhatWouldTheDoctorDo]

Kick him out, reclaim your flat and your happiness and enjoy your holiday. This is not what relationships are supposed to be like! I had a big trip organised before I met my now DH. He was delighted for me not angry. That's a normal reaction.