My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

[Emilysr194]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

[KatharinaRosalie]

So he is jealous, possessive, trying to alienate you from friends, has 'moods' and gets angry every time something doesn't go his way. He is also moving the relationship forward at breakneck speed - but despite that you've only been together for months, you can already see his ugly side.


This is not a healthy relationship and it will only get worse. Just because he's not physically abusive (yet), does not mean it's good.

[CodenameVillanelle]

You dump him, that's what you do

[ChuckleBuckles]

You have only been together since August, it should be the honeymoon stage and you both being your best selves, this is who he is this early on and it will only get worse. You probably compared him to your abusive ex and thought he was an improvement on that, but he is not it is just a different kind of abuse. Get him out of your home before the holiday, end things now before you get in too deep and enjoy your break away with your friends.

[Itsallgonewoowoo]

Get him out of your home, break up with him, block him and enjoy your holiday.

[HappyHarlot]

Kick him out and seek counselling for yourself.

[Ellie56]

Four pages and the verdict is unanimous.

You need to dump him OP and do the Freedom Programme.

[LittleDragonGirl]

Tbf If you hadn't invited him and had no holidays left then I could understand the jealousy. But hes been invited and has declined so he is being very unreasonable and I personally wouldn't stand for it.

If he has form for being controlling and jealous outside of not being able to have a holiday with you then I would definitely walk away.
If hes bitter and disappointed cus he wont get a holiday with you this year and is a saint the rest of the time I would be more understanding.

[Clymene]

Oh Emily, you've gone from one controlling abusive relationship to another. You have had some good advice here. And you've got friends - use them to help you kick this nasty bloke into touch.

You deserve so much better

[hellsbellsmelons]

Unfortunately you've gone from one abusive relationship right into another.
Due to your previous relationship your boundaries are all over the place.
Did you get support from a DV organisation after the end of your previous relationship?
If not then please contact Womens Aid.
Ask about their Freedom Programme and do it asap.
In the mean-time, dump this controlling abusive asshole!
Take back control of your life.
Don't settle!
Know your worth and don't let anyone overstep your boundaries.
You can do this!

[LittleDragonGirl]

Just read the entire thread.

Op you definitely need to leave him. I speak from experience that some time finding yourself and setting boundaries will do a world of good and you WILL find someone who treats you with respect and as a equal. But you need to set your boundaries and take nothing less otherwise people will take what they can eg treat you like crap cus they know they can. Please dont put up with it. You deserve so much better!

[messolini9]

I am 25. we've been together since august but it has moved very quickly and he is living with me. i suppose i have very little self esteem and he seemed ideal in the beginning. all the ugly extras came out later on, even his family seem to justify his actions which makes me feel like i'm just overthinking/reacting.

Ah, not just a jealous abusive twat - a cocklodging jealous abusive twat.
Who cannot afford to join you on a holiday ... surprise me, does he pay half the rent & bills?

Fuck him, fuck his manipulative family, do this - freedomprogramme.co.uk/
& read THIS - www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

You've had some great advice on this thread OP.
If you engage fully with it, & the resources PP are recommending, I guarantee you can get the insight you need about where your self-esteem issues come from, how they have led to you being 'unlucky with men', & how to develop the strength & tactics to understand this dynamic & avoid it in future.

Please talk to your best friends about it as well.
Abuse thrives in secrecy. Don't allow this to be a secret.
You are going to need your friends' help when you dump Mr Possessive - he is likely to turn even nastier.

You also need a plan about how to manage getting him out of your house, with your friends as your protectors. I mean it - even if it's "only" verbal abuse, you don't want that unpleasantness without back-up.

[messolini9]

Wouldnt necessarily say "controlling" more like very insecure

Really, @Justaboy?
Are you not getting the chills from his personality just switches within seconds of something not going his way. ?

Why would you minimise that?
Do you not understand how frightening & demoralising that would be to live with?

[MikeUniformMike]

Dump him. As pp, it won't get any better, it will get worse.
Enjoy your holiday as a single person.

[Lovemusic33]

Read your OP, there’s a pretty easy solution to this, if your friend had written the OP what would you say to her?

Why stay with someone that doesn’t treat you well?

[KaptenKrusty]

Wow there are so many similar posts to this lately - how are men like this holding on to girlfriends - just dump him go on your holiday and meet a decent guy instead who trusts you and doesn't behave like a possessive dick! Don't bloody waste your 20s!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

I read the first 9 words in this post and thought "Oh dear this is not going to end well".
Use this holiday @Emilysr194 to put a lot of distance between you and your boyfriend, enough distance to say "It's over" kind of distance.

You can do so much better than this.

I'll go back and read the other 80-something posts that have been written since the opening one.

[Cheeseandwin5]

I am sorry you are in this situation but I am afraid only you can break the cycle.
There is no excuse for his behaviour and it will only get worse as time goes on.
You need to try and see your self worth.
Whilst you may feel you need to have a man in your life, you don't want toxic ones that will only make you miserable.

[Thelnebriati]

Please make this year for you; read these resources and take The Freedom Program.

Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That?
tinyurl.com/LundyWhy

The Freedom Programme
freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php

Advice for women in an abusive relationship;
www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm

Red flags of abusive relationships;
newdirectionsshelter.org/red-flags-of-abusive-relationships/

[Justaboy]

Are you not getting the chills from his personality just switches within seconds of something not going his way.?

Why would you minimise that?
Do you not understand how frightening & demoralising that would be to live with?

Yes and no attempt to demorialise anyone de minius etc perhaps should have filled that out to say in my experences of people insecurities are the root cause of that sort of behaviour

[BeagleLover]

I may have missed something here, but could he just be upset he’s missing out. You say when you invited him he couldn’t come because he couldn’t afford it, not that he didn’t want too.

Could you not have financially helped him so he could have come?

[Justaboy]

Alsio seen that in women as well as men..

[tenlittlecygnets]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me

Bin him. He has no right to tell you who you can and can't speak to.

it has moved very quickly and he is living with me. i suppose i have very little self esteem

He moved into your house?

And your self-esteem will just get worse being with this arse. Ask him to leave. Make sure you have a couple of friends with you if necessary. Disengage from his family too - they sound toxic.

You might find The Freedom Programme helpful so you can raise your boundaries for future relationships.

[crosspelican]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me.

Break up with him. You didn't even need to type the rest.

You are doing a great job recognising that he is a twat and that you are only with him because of your low self-esteem - that in itself tells me that your self-esteem is ticking UP. You are aware of what is wrong here. The next step is to tell him to move out this weekend.

It'll be like stepping out of a stuffy, hot room into cool fresh air.

[yellowallpaper]

This will get worse. If you marry and have a baby you will be tied to him for life. Get out now. His behaviour is a massive red flag.

[crosspelican]

Could you not have financially helped him so he could have come?

Did you not read the first sentence?