My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

[Emilysr194]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

[fishonabicycle]

Sorry - just seen he's saved you that bother. Get him out, change the locks and enjoy your holiday as a free woman! Don't take him back.

[fishonabicycle]

Fuxake! You've only been seeing this dick for a few months - ditch him.

[CherryCheezcake]

Sadly I worry that she has shown him this thread (she mentioned showing him a screenshot about types of abusers), and either he's convinced her that we're all man-hating bitches who want to stop her having a boyfriend; or he's broken her phone.

[CalleighDoodle]

She knows what he is doing now. Next time she might have the strength to leave.

Dont let him ruin your holiday

[Dozer]

OP hasn’t been back.

[crosspelican]

Well got home and asked to speak. He broke up with me.

You're supposed to panic, apologise, crawl and beg and cancel your holiday.

Stay strong, Emily! He is a dickhead and he is expecting you to beg, but you recognised everything he said from the manipulator's playbook, so you KNOW he is an abuser and you KNOW to keep him the hell out of your life from now on.

[FizzyGreenWater]

You're supposed to panic, apologise, crawl and beg and cancel your holiday.

Needless to say, don't.

It's hard I know, but every single one of the responses here have him pegged correctly.

Give him the shock of his life and tell him to leave you alone WHEN - and it will absolutely be when - he makes contact in a fury because you haven't been calling and begging him to reconsider.

[AnyFucker]

Op, where are you

[Isthisit22]

Bet he hasn't moved out.
Just another manouvre to make you feel bad and beg him to stay.
Make him leave and change the locks.

[Dozer]

Make sure he physically leaves immediately, and change the locks.

[timeisnotaline]

Winning that he broke up with you, but did he give his keys back and take his stuff? That would be properly winning.

[Honeyroar]

I really hope that he’s left the house and you’re strong enough to not let him back, realise you deserve much better treatment, and are able to keep that strength when he tries to come back apologetic (because he won’t mean it and it won’t last!)

[FilledSoda]

Just make sure he actually goes , immediately.
He was expecting you would beg him to stay .

[Jux]

Look for the Freedom Programme. It will help you be more assertive and maintain your boundaries.

[Summery1]

I hope you're feeling better OP.
The unanimous MN feedback is YANBU & you're better off without him. But it's still not nice, in the moment, to be the 'dumpee'. But it is a great outcome, he just preempted you. Don't let him suck you back in.

[JWrecks]

Wow oops, I somehow missed that there were loads more posts! Sorry, ignore the above!

OP please don't believe those things he said. If anyone actually told him to break up (doubtful), it would have been for your benefit not his! You did absolutely nothing wrong.

I'm sorry he's done that to you, and I know it can't feel good right now, but you've dodged a bullet here. Or, as a wise woman once said, The trash has taken itself out!

Be careful about him now, and don't let him back into your life. He will likely try. Read up on abuser/controller tactics, and keep them fresh in your mind if you must deal with him. Make sure he gets all of his things, immediately, and don't be alone with him. Have a friend present if he comes to collect things. Have the locks changed as soon as he goes. Block him on all media now.

Then go to lovely NZ with your lovely friends and have a lovely time!

[JWrecks]

I came to this forum looking for advice, to make sure that I am not the one acting unreasonably here, in order to know what to do when i have to face him later.

You are getting what you came for. Seems it wasn't what you expected, but I assure you it's what you need.

Loads of us have been through awful, abusive relationships, and experience and hindsight have given us the knowledge we wish we'd had then. We're trying to help you now.

Advice: Leave him! He's a controlling, possessive, and jealous user. He is raising several red flags, ones we've all seen before, even from the limited info you've given us. It will not get better; it will get worse. You cannot reason with him or make him see the error of his ways. You will only hurt yourself. Don't waste any more time or stress on him.

And honestly, you're not married, you're not dependent on him, you don't have children together, and you've only known him a short while. It's not worth the risk!!

Boot him from your flat and move on.

AYBU?: No. He has no right to be angry about this. You made it clear from the outset that it was happening. There is nothing dodgy on your end. He is trying to coerce (control! possess!) you into not going using unreasonable childish behaviour. All of his reactions to this - something he should be happy for you about - are red flags of an abuser.

What to do when you face him: Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he must go immediately. Do not let him stay until he finds a place. Do not let him talk you into feeling guilty, about anything. Be prepared for him to try; have a friend with you or talk in a public place.

We will be here to help if it goes badly.

Please, PLEASE remember that MANY of us here are survivors of abuse, of all sorts, and we've seen such behaviour before and know what we're on about.

Please remember that we genuinely care. Nobody wants to be right about this; nobody wants that for you! We're not here to disrupt your life, nor to say I told you so. We want you to have what we wish we'd had. We want to help you protect yourself!

[EmmaOvary]

Have a holiday from him. A permanent one.

[BumbleBeee69]

Please be very careful OP.. this is now the danger zone.. You haven't reacted to his actions in the way he wanted.. you haven't begged and pleased with him to stay.. she he will react to your lack of reaction being doing something more aggressive... to gain control of you back.. please be careful.. change your locks.. block him .. have no contact with any of his family ... they support his abuse behaviours ..

[Neolara]

I would call being dumped a great result. Go and have a lovely holiday.

[IndieTara]

Get his keys back then change the locks

[MabelCloth]

How are you today OP?

I hope he has gone.

I know rejection feels hard even when it is someone you would have rejected. Try not to wallow in rejection. Keep your view firmly fixed in the fabulous (and it does sound fabulous!) holiday in NZ with friends who love and respect you.

God, there is so much to see and it is so beautiful. Lovely beaches, Bay of Islands, Rotorua thermal springs and geysers, Auckland and Wellington such cool cities....

You saved for this, go, enjoy, don’t look back!

[user3575796673]

Has he actually moved out?

[Nofoolfornoone]

I echo the posts to block him and change the locks.
After I broke up with my exbf he wanted me to help him move, I told him no he needed to ask family and move himself out by time I got back from my parents. I had an amazing week alone then He then moved himself back in a week later as he was asked to leave by the landlord and he “wasn’t going to make himself homeless”. I had to live with him for a further 3 weeks before I paid his £500 deposit for a flat. He lived with me only for a month but paid nothing towards bills or food. I had dated him only 6 months so rushed into it too much. I contributed to get abusive phone calls and messaged of him crying and swearing at me and I believed him that it was my fault and so I didn’t block him . It took almost a year after for me to finally have enough.
Please don’t be like me!

[penisbeakers]

Why are you with this wanker? Get rid of him.