My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

[Emilysr194]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

[HelenUrth]

"even his family seem to justify his actions which makes me feel like i'm just overthinking/reacting"

Of course they justify it. They brought him up to think behaving as he does is ok.

You're not overreacting. You've been brought up with blurred boundaries and find it difficult to enforce respect of your needs (I identify with this!).

He has absolutely no right in the world to treat you like this.
You're an adult human being. You can see who you want.

Get rid of him and please take Attila's wise advice.

[messolini9]

@Skittlesandbeer
Seeings that good men here are a rareity skittles whey did you get through so many?

Probably 'cos they're just so ... moreish @Justaboy.

Why are ya askin'?
Is it jealously, or an amateur attempt at slut-shaming?

This thread doesn't need abuse-minimisers or eejits who feel entitled to question what women choose to do with their own bodies for their own pleasure.
Trot along now, there's nothing for you here.

[Justaboy]

Wow there are so many similar posts to this lately - how are men like this holding on to girlfriends - just dump him go on your holiday and meet a decent guy instead who trusts you and doesn't behave like a possessive dick! Don't bloody waste your 20s!

Yes noted that too! Why?.

Though it seems to me that it is more the woman holding onto a useless specimen?. When she could do better.

[tenlittlecygnets]

@justaboy and @beaglelover - please don't try to minimise his behaviour.

OP does not need to know the causes of his behaviour; she has only known this bloke for 6 months. She just needs to know the effect his behaviour is having on her. She owes him NOTHING.

[Merrz]

I think you know the answer yourself :(
You sound like a lovely girl, you deserve so much better. It will be easier to end it sooner rather than later.

[Lolly34h]

Are u with my ex? He love bombed me moved in quick and then turned into the most possessive person ever. I got pregnant and then he was physically abusive to my then 12 year old son. I asked him to leave he wouldn't so I told him he needed to go stay with his parents for a few nights. I took all his possessions to his parents and I've never looked back. He denies my dd his is and maintains I cheated throughout the relationship. He cheated not me.
Dont stay with someone like this hes never gonna change it will only get worse.

[sanitygirl]

Dump him!

[Justaboy]

Probably 'cos they're just so ... moreish

Seems the other way round form what I read here and elsewhere!

[thekaiserswife]

Quite a few red flags here! Biggest one is him moving in so quickly. Please get rid of him.

[PerfectPretender]

Dump him, that's what you do. He's not allowed to control your life.

[Justaboy]

@justaboy and @beaglelover - please don't try to minimise his behaviour

I would have thought, hoped, she's have got that message very loud and clear I'm more wondering why it happenes no mimising its perfectly clear that he's a bad 'un..

[bengalcat]

Life’s challenging enough at times without the added dampener of someone who you’ve termed jealous and possessive . Move on and have a great holiday with your real friends .

[FlowerArranger]

@BeagleLover
Are you for real?

This guy is jealous, possessive and controlling.
He is a cocklodger.
The OP admits that she has low self esteem and her previous relationship was abusive.

How many red flags do you need?

[Nanny0gg]

@BeagleLover
I may have missed something here,

Yep

but could he just be upset he’s missing out=

Ah Diddums.

You say when you invited him he couldn’t come because he couldn’t afford it, not that he didn’t want to. Could you not have financially helped him so he could have come?

Why the hell should she?

Be interesting to know if he's actually paying his way generally.

[Oakmaiden]

Yeah. I wish someone had told me, when I was young, that a jealous and possessive boyfriend is not a sign of how deeply he cares for you - it is a sign that he is controlling and abusive.

[NeckPainChairSearch]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me

The first line of your first post says it all, OP.

He will destroy what's left of your self-esteem. You don't have kids. It's a newish relationship. Go NOW. It's literally the easiest time to do it than it will ever be.

[NeckPainChairSearch]

even his family seem to justify his actions which makes me feel like i'm just overthinking/reacting

...and doesn't THAT bode well for the future if you throw your lot in with him? A controlling, jealous, possessive cocklodger with a family that will take his side no matter what.

RUN.

[Emilysr194]

@BeagleLover this trip has been planned since before we got together, I let him know straight away, it is a big trip, to new zealand, i have saved and saved and used all of my bonus to go on this trip. i am not in any position financially to cover for my boyfriend. i have already bought him a holiday for his birthday so its not a case of not having any holidays with me.

[messolini9]

Could you not have financially helped him so he could have come?

Tell you what. @BeagleLover - YOU give him the money.
But not to go on holiday with OP.

You can have him, & after a few days, you will understand why a jealous, possessive, controlling, abusive, skint cocklodger does not need ANY further enablement or appeasement.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Just curious, is he paying half the rent and other expenses?

[messolini9]

@Emilysr194, are you also being financially abused?
Who is on your tenancy agreement or mortgage deeds?
Who pays the rent/mortgage & bills?
i have already bought him a holiday for his birthday so its not a case of not having any holidays with me.

And what has he done for YOU lately, apart from moving in & shutting you down?

[Mayomaynot]

LTB

You deserve better.

[NeckPainChairSearch]

OP, why not end this relationship before your trip, so you can literally be at the other side of the world, having a brilliant time, knowing you're not coming home to a controlling, jealous, possessive twat?

Make good decisions for yourself.

[Wingedserpentfliesbynight]

Luck has nothing to do with it, there are a ton of good men and women out there to date.
This one is not good, split now.
Maybe think about a bit of counselling for yourself if you have self esteem issues? Go with your mates, dump this disrespectful man and move on with your life.

[Wingedserpentfliesbynight]

Oh wow - just saw where you'e off to - that's fantastic, will give you lots of headspace. Do you have time to split up with him before you go???? So you can return to a fresh start?