My Boyfriend is angry I'm going on holiday without him

[Emilysr194]

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person, he doesn't like men talking to me. I'm going away for 2 weeks to see my best friend (Female) who is away travelling. My gay best friend (Male) is going with me. Any time i mention the holiday he gets mad, refuses to talk about it, told me i am using all my holiday so i can't go away with him. I invited him along but he couldn't afford it.
Am I the bad guy here or is he being overly jealous? And what do I do?

this is not the behaviour of someone who understands and experiences a concept of "love"

he has some kind of jealous, possessive selfishness combined with enjoyment of the erotic side of a relationship which he is calling "love" but has no similarity to the real thing.

when you love someone you want them to be happy and are totally fine with them doing stuff that makes them happy without you (such as seeing friends etc)

this man does not love you. get rid.

My boyfriend is a pretty jealous and possessive person,

Do you not think you could do better than a boyfriend with these awful attributes? What is the point of such a relationship? Being in a relationship should enhance your life rather than resemble being in prison.

This situation is not going to get better. It's going to get a whole lot worse. Dump him now

I suppose I've never had that much luck with men. i was engaged to a physically abusive man and he left me, i didn't even leave him. I can already hear myself defending him though i know i shouldn't. his personality just switches within seconds of something not going his way.

Why are you with him op?

You may find it helpful to do the freedom program and learn about abusive men in relationships.

You know that this is abuse and manipulation dont you?

Every time he is displeased, he’ll make your life miserable til you learn that he gets everything his way and you don’t matter.
Don’t stay with him.

He'll live. Go on your holiday. If you come back and he leaves, its a win win situation if you ask me.

Get out. This isn't a healthy relationship.

Dump the loser then get on the Freedom Programme before you get into another abusive relationship

So if he was invited but couldn't afford what were you supposed to do?!

Please don't let him spoil what sounds like a lovely trip away. If he l really loved you, in the true sense of the word, he'd wave you off and tell you to have a lovely time.

If you give in to this then you'll always be giving in to him. Do the Freedom programme.

How long have you been with him? How old are you?

And why are you putting up with him?

DTMFA

(dump the mother-fucker already.

Have a great holiday

He won’t change, he’s trying to manipulate you and guilt you. That’s who he is, that’s what your relationship is. Get rid of him him before you end up isolated from your friends.

He won’t change

He will, he'll get worse.

You should be with someone who loves you and is happy for you and supportive of you.

LTB

And get counselling and go on the Freedom programme. Don't date again until you've sorted yourself.

And have a fabulous holiday!

I am 25. we've been together since august but it has moved very quickly and he is living with me. i suppose i have very little self esteem and he seemed ideal in the beginning. all the ugly extras came out later on, even his family seem to justify his actions which makes me feel like i'm just overthinking/reacting.

It won’t get better. Jealousy and possessiveness are awful traits.

Emily

re your comment:-
"I suppose I've never had that much luck with men".

You've been in an abusive relationship and now you're in another one. Your boundaries, already messed up by previous abuse, have been further lowered by this individual who also targeted you.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Look at this through counselling and unlearn all the crap you have learnt about relationships to date.

Please ditch this bloke today (end the relationship by text and then block him) and then enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid (do this programme in person). In the meantime do not date at all till you have completed this programme. Love your own self for a change, it is clear you do not and that makes you far more vulnerable to such predatory types.

He's preparing to close down your options and take over your life. You know what to do, so do it. Get out of this any way you can. I'm hoping that wherever you're living is either yours or in your name. But no matter, end this now. Then have a break from men and gather yourself together, taking steps to recognise that you are worth so much more.

What status does he have in your home; is he named on any rental or tenancy agreement?. He has basically leeched off you and continues to do so at your expense.

Make your 26th year on this planet a lot happier by following all the counsel made in this thread to the letter.

his personality just switches within seconds of something not going his way

This is a chilling sentence, OP. You must not get used to appeasing his self-centred and controlling demands.

You are much better off on your own, with your friends and holidays etc, than with this man. Please leave to protect your rights, personality and possibly, eventually, your safety.

Dump him. Don't date anyone else until you do the freedom programme, which should help prevent you getting into more of these abusive relationships.

The holiday is only part of you bigger problem. Don't stay with a guy like that