Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@jane1974xx really happy for you.

I feel a lot more relaxed with mr builder than I have with anyone else. still have a slight tendency to overthink but only very slightly (my anxiousness and emotions about being exclusive recently was due to TOTM which arrived after months of being on a new contraceptive pill!) . even if he reads and doesnt reply to txts I feel like I know he will, and hes prob just busy or doing something else.

I feel like I'm having to hold back a bit tho as he feels he jumped in to his last relationship so wants to be sure and there nothing wrong with that. however I met his family, hes briefly met mine and spoke to my daughter on vid call a few times and we're prob gonna do something with the kids in the next few weeks. I think I'll just need to go with the flow, it's all heading in the right direction I guess so no point stressing. what do u think?

I'm also pretty rubbish with compliments and basically showing I like someone. I'm forever being told I'm hard to read.

Thanks guys. I've just been for a run and feel a bit better (it stopped me crying at least) and am going to pop to my friends for a cuppa after a lovely bath and coffee.

Glad you're feeling a bit better sunshine talk to MrAd though, problem shared and all that. And tbh it may make him feel a bit better that it's not just him with challenges in their life, he may worry that he's always dumping his issues on you

Great updates @shitwithsugaron @KermitRulesOk @Jane1978xx

@Marlboroandmalbec34 if it was me I would go and meet MrBig if the only thing it achieves is to know for definite that he can't offer you what you need. Not easy I know, but at least it will stop you second guessing whether you've made the right decision or not.

@UncorrectedDoormat I’m also rubbish at giving complements I have no idea what to say 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can say I had a great evening with you but I can’t do personal compliments. Also he calls me darling, gorgeous, sexy etc but what’s the male equivalent I’d feel like an idiot saying hi handsome 😂🤷🏼‍♀️.

@crazycatlady20 with meeting family and kids it far too early for me but it’s just go with the flow I think. Mr G has a daughter the same age as mine and I think if she made friends with her and that got took away she’d be more upset than a man coming and going so we will see

@crazycatlady20 on the message thing I’m a lot better now about it. He said he always checks his massages in case it’s his kids or ex about kids or mum but he isn’t ignoring the other messages it’s just a quick check then he replies when he’s got time.

Great update kermit I was wondering how you were getting on. Also jane and shitwith and glad you're feeling a bit brighter sunshine a run always helps to clear the mind a little.
I try to accept compliments graciously but it is difficult when you don't see what they see. Mr Y's favourite feature is probably the thing I have least confidence in but he came up with it on his own and out of nowhere. I think my ex made a big deal of complimenting things I didn't like to the point it felt insincere. I guess he was trying to build me up but almost had the opposite effect iyswim.
I love giving compliments though, when they come naturally of course, and will compliment MrY on his looks a lot, he's a beauty
Any term of affection goes for me jane just whatever feels right at the time. I have said handsome and often use darling. Whatever you like to use, I suspect its quite a personal thing!

I think I also struggle with compliments because my ex was a negger. "I still love your body even after all those changes since having my beautiful changes"....um, thanks?

*children

I am an annoying compliment giver. One of those who chase women down the street to say “love your handbag” etc. Mr Big said recently he had noticed a big change in me with receiving compliments. I used to deflect them or misconstrue them. So if he (or anyone) said “ your hair looks great curly” I would respond “you mean compared to my normal awful hair” I think The Freedom Programme really helped me stop disliking myself. Now I say “thanks, I’m taking it” 😁

ant I’m scared! Proper bricking it. Update to share but will wait for new thread I think as page 40 often gets lost

@marlboroandmalbec34. That’s me with compliments , if
Someone says I look nice I’ll say do I usually not 🤦‍♀️

@Marlboroandmalbec34 when are you meeting him? or has this already happened

@jane1978xx I know what u mean about it being soon but in a way it doesnt feel like it. confuses me slightly compared to what hes saying re taking it slowly. itll just be all as friends anyway and dont think itll be a regular thing but who knows.

I feel like maybe he wants to jump in but his head is saying no and thats why it's a bit mixed.

We are all so similar! I am rubbish at receiving compliments! Mr BC is giving me plenty of practice lol I was with my exh for 30 years and received 2 compliments from him, if that. He was good at chipping away at any confidence I did have and now I make self-depracating comments about myself all the time - basically saying something bad about myself before anyone else can 😕 I've also talked this over with my counsellor.

Marls I hope you're okay.

Some lovely updates here 😃

@crazycatlady20 too soon is all relative to you and your situation. I am still married and haven’t been separated long which Is another factor. As long as you are doing what’s right for you.

You sound so lovely Marlbs. If you are ever in London will you let me know?

Mr Music upped the ante with a sexual interest quiz so I sent him the bdsm quiz. We are very aligned.

Tmi alert
This week is ovulation week. Its a good thing I'm not meeting him tonight because I'm 👹. And the 👹 may outweigh the 🤓

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3804201-Dating-thread-182-keeping-our-irons-warm-by-the-fireplace

182 is open

And bye-bye 181

See ya!

Adios

Au revoir

Arrivederci