Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ok whew 😂

Guys like him give me the creeps big time. Just eeeeuuuww- he has his own business and you can tell he's in love with himself.

He looks a fair bit like Jamie Dornan- he's more of a twat than Christian Grey though

I have date 3 with Mr Joiner on Friday! Think we having a casual dinner and going to the cinema. We had a wobble on Monday with some crossed wires over texts but got it all sorted and I'm really looking forward to seeing him.
Have an unexpected child free night but date 3 is too early for me to invite him back - unfortunately 🙄

Hi, I’ve been lurking for a while but of a dating AIBU I’d like your opinion on.

Been seeing someone for around ten weeks. We’re taking things slow but do talk about the future a lot and have been away for the weekend together.

My Birthday is coming up, there was a possibility that I would be out of the country for it, however it’s been known to him since before Christmas that I most likely wouldn’t be going. Confirmed this weekend that I wouldn’t be going and asked him can we do something, he tells me that he’s going away that weekend as he’s been invited to a Super Bowl party (we’re in the UK) 🙄 I’ve told him that I’m upset by this but I just get back sorry.

I think it says a lot about how he really feels bout me and I’m ready to call it a day, but a little part of me wonders if I’m being over dramatic. What do you guys think?

If it's relevant, I have a strong fearful avoidant attachment style.

I think all the stats sound dubious selective or not; the points about men are irrelevant to a discussion about the harms and injustices experienced by women.

What really, really enthralls me about that whole conversation is that it is taking place on Tinder. Who knew such a thing was possible! I should get back on there and not match with anyone again.

@crazycatlady20 I agree with @JeSuisPrest that it's a question you don't have to apologise for asking. If it was me dating and sleeping with you, I'd feel upset if you were anxious that it wasn't clear where you stood with me and I'd understand it to be a reasonable question to ask after a couple of months. I do think based on my experience that two months is no time at all to know someone well but it should be possible to know whether you want to commit to the process of getting to know them without distraction, for sure.

ps. ta for new thread.

Hahahahaha @shit I'm sorely tempted, it's been a while! But I'm thinking long game ... however after a few glasses of wine all bets are off 😂

@HairyArsedMan this was my reply about the male suicide comment...

@shitwithsugaron 😂

@flirtingwith40 I think if he wasn't sure whether you'd even be in the country, then it's maybe a little unreasonable to expect him to keep the weekend free on the off chance.

Can you do something the weekend before or after as a compromise?

Just started talking to a new iron and I feel like I'm interrogating the poor man. It just seems to be me asking the questions! How do I get him to ask me something?

@flirtingwith40 I think he might have planned that one well ahead of Christmas maybe ? I know I have had a few things in the calendar through to Spring since November. However, none of them especially occupy me for the whole weekend i.e: from Fri pm to Sun pm, and if there was a clash with something that was pretty fixed and unavoidable, I'd try to see if something could be done around that.

As it's your birthday and you probably want to spend the whole weekend together so maybe do it the weekend after ? Surprised your date hasn't suggested this though.

@HairyArsedMan @Sunshineandflipflops he hasn't suggested doing something on a different day / weekend. In fact all he has said is "I don't know what to say other than I've obviously fucked up"

@flirtingwith40 He may be taken aback by how upset you are. People have different feelings about birthdays. I'm not fussed about mine usually, though it was lovely to get a thoughtful surprise birthday card from someone special last year. We couldn't actually celebrate it together until a week or two later as I recall and that was just as good to me. Maybe just say it can't be helped and suggest another time and see if he tries to make up for it ?

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn He have anything to say to that ? It's so funny, him effectively trying to say feminism is sexist because it hasn't got male issues on the agenda. How did you even get to this though ? Did he start picking up on something you wrote on your profile ? Or vice versa ?

@HairyArsedMan so it started because during a conversation about sex when he mentioned choking in a bdsm context I said it's something I'd never do and imo it's misogynistic. He then asked me if I was a feminist and I said I was. Feminist that is- not anti-men. Some men don't seem to understand that being a feminist is not about being anti-men.

He's just completely 🤮🤮🤮 and the only reason I've not unmatched is curiosity. I'm also always keen to learn more about what I should be avoiding quite frankly.

@TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana going back to your question about height, I can’t speak for all men but there’s certainly a perception among a lot that having a partner over 6ft is a physical attribute that many women desire, but which we can do little to change - in a way, it’s seen as a mirror of the cliche that men prefer women who are a dress size 10. So it’s something you’re going to put on your profile (same way you would likely put your body shape on yours) as it’s something you know people expect to see. But getting asked about it on a date could well elicit a grumpy reaction the same way a guy asking for your dress size likely would.

how has this moved on so much??
Thanks for new thread..
I have been randomly blocked on Match today by someone I was chatting to quite happily til Monday, then I checked his profile today...just logged on, now blocked?? I don't understand..

I have a date with Mr Movies on Friday night
One with Mr Vegetarian on Tuesday night and hopefully one next weekend with Mr Spa.
I was never going to do the multiple dating thing...oops..

I look at height because I'm 5 foot 10 and prefer men around my height/taller.

@undecidedsofa - I had the same last week. Having a really good conversation then messages stopped and when I checked he had disappeared so I'm assuming I've been blocked! I was really disappointed because I thought it was going really well!

Also, I'm 5 foot 10 so I want a man over 6 foot so I can wear my really pretty heels! Not a deal breaker if they are shorter, my stbxh and a current iron (Mr Wine) are both my height. Stbxh was bothered so I usually wore flat shoes, Mr Wine doesn't seem bothered though.

checking in!

Oh god I've just matched with someone on tinder who has super liked me and he has more than a touch of Alex Turner about him! Looks hippieish and fun, my type. Messaged him... no reply yet 😬

Good luck, Leave.

I used to want only taller men - it wasn't until after I'd been chatting with Mr G for a few days that I'd realised he didn't put his height in his profile (this usually means shorter than 5'8 or so ime), so the night before our first date I jokingly asked him his height so I could plan my outfit. He is an inch shorter than me but it really made no difference in the end. I'm glad I didn't know at first, or I would have missed out on someone really special. I appreciate we all have our tastes but for me I've realised I was being too specific for no good reason.

Well he's messaged back so let's see...

I'm now wondering how tall he is 😂 I'm 5ft4 so it's quite easy for me to find taller guys 😂

Mr walking is a bit dull, shit I’m now on drink 3, I’m far too polite!!!

I don’t mind height

Mr Clean is pretty quiet today. He did say a couple times earlier how busy he was at work and he was working late. To be fair I have also been working late this evening so I didn’t want to distract him. I really like this one 💤