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Original poster

Boyfriends dad convicted of rape. Help

216 replies

Allison8 · 14/01/2020 17:30

My bf told me early in our relationship that his father has been in prison for years because he was convicted of dozens of rapes on an underage boy. he told me that his father was innocently convicted and gave several examples of why. I have suspected that my boyfriend has left things out from the story and found the judgment on the web. There I read ceveral things that makes me very sure that his father is guilty. he was also convicted of downloading pictures of naked children. He have also done other crimes in the past that he told me about. My bf and his dad have a very close relationship (best friends) and we see him all the time. Me and my bf have also talked about getting children in the future, but Im now scared of this. I have not told my bf I have read the judgment. What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 22:32

@Hoppinggreen after I read the judgment yes. I read it about 2 weeks ago, havent seen him since. And I feel disgusted thinking about him. My boyfriend believes he's not guilty, because he was there the whole time the rapes shoulve happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 22:41

@YasssKween ny boyfriend is not supporting these actions, because he dont believe he has done it. Thats the problem.. If he believed his father was guilty and still supported him id get out imidiately. But he believe this kid (who were poor) did this for the money. And my boyfriend saus he were in the same room when about all the rapes shoulve happen, so he says its not true

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74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 22:42

What money?

aroundtheworldyet · 15/01/2020 22:44

How old are you both and how long ago did this happen? How old was he when he was with his dad at the time of the rapes

And what does he say about downloading the images?

Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 22:50

@74NewStreet He got money (for support) after winning the trial.

@aroundtheworldyet we're 21. This started about 9 years ago. So my boyfriend were about 12.

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Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 22:51

And he says he believes his father might have clicked on something by accident..

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chuck7 · 15/01/2020 22:54

Do not bring a child into this

MsAnnThropic · 15/01/2020 22:56

Run for the fucking hills.

aroundtheworldyet · 15/01/2020 22:59

He can’t remember where he was at 12
That’s stupid. His dad has just convinced him he was with him.
Along the lines of “Jim That date was went we went fishing” it’s really easy to persuade someone.

But on a serious note. He’s in MAJOR denial.

You have to leave him. If you bring a child into this then there’s virtually no doubt that your child will be abused

Then what? You think you won’t ever let your child be alone in a room with this man? What if you die? Who’s the main carer
What he leaves you and it’s 50/50
What if you want to leave him but you can’t because you’re so afraid that your kids will be abused.

It’s time to grow up. If you stay with this man your life will be a living hell.

You’ll never persuade him.

Whatsacill · 15/01/2020 23:02

I was thinking what @KundaliniRising said OP. He could promise you the earth but if you split up on his contact time you might not know where any DC are or who they were with... they would be so vulnerable - could you live like that?

Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:08

I couldn't live with him believing his father isnt guilty and get children, no. I would have to not get children with him, wait until one of us want children and then break up (which is stupid) or break up now. I really do see why I should break up, it's just extemely hard because everything else in our relationship is perfect. I hate that his dad is ruining it all

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YasssKween · 15/01/2020 23:10

And he says he believes his father might have clicked on something by accident.

So your boyfriend believes that his dad didn't attack anyone but was framed for dozens of instances of rape AND happened to accidentally click on presumably images or videos of another adult man sexually assaulting a child? Really?

IMO he is being wilfully ignorant. It's really, really, really difficult to get prison time for these kinds of offences without an extremely solid case.

Are you going to sit down with him and go through the judgement details together to discuss this like adults? You are about to make a life changing decision as to whether you want to be with him or not. A huge, adult decision. But you can't sit down and tell him you've read it then discuss the contents?

If you have a child with him and split up, that man will very likely have access to your child at some point. Without you there to supervise.

I couldn't even cope with someone who had done such terrible things to children looking at my child if I knew what they'd done. Let alone spending time with them.

You're too young and it sounds like too naive to deal with this situation healthily. Please don't give yourself a problem you'll need to tackle for the rest of your life.

aroundtheworldyet · 15/01/2020 23:11

It’s hard very hard.
But you’ll be ok in the long run.

Make a list of all of your hopes and dreams for the future. If you can’t achieve any of those with him then he’s simply not the right person for you. You can love someone and them not be the right person for you.

YasssKween · 15/01/2020 23:11

But they did find photos of other kids that was downloaded. He also told the police he got erect from watching those

He's admitted this. Even if this was the absolute minimum he did (which it very clearly from his sentence isn't) how can your boyfriend want this man to be not just a father he is close to but his BEST FRIEND. Bloody hell.

aroundtheworldyet · 15/01/2020 23:13

Undoubtedly the son hasn’t read the judgment
Though saying that. How does anyone read a judgment? It’s not just online

Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:14

Have children* cannot seem to learn

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Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:22

@aroundtheworldyet I found it on the web, it was pretty hard to find it. It was kind of anonymous, no names, specifil places and spcific date of births on those involved. But it's a serious web site.

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74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 23:23

No names, places or dates of birth. Right.

Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:26

@YasssKween the images were children half naked in sexual positions. They were the mildest images you could get arrested for. So I'm not sure my boyfriend take that too seriously..

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Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:27

@74NewStreet what do you mean by that?

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74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 23:28

No, nobody would take that too seriously Hmm. Ffs...

Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:30

It's really upsetting. But he believe his father did it by accident first and foremost.

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Thestrangestthing · 15/01/2020 23:34

Honestly people, can we just realise that not everyone who posts on MN has English as their first language.

Leave him op. If he can't see his father for what he is, there will be too many problems in the future wmif you do have children.

Original poster
Allison8 · 15/01/2020 23:38

Yeah @74NewStreet I'm pretty sick of you mocking my english to be honest.

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YasssKween · 15/01/2020 23:39

the images were children half naked in sexual positions. They were the mildest images you could get arrested for. So I'm not sure my boyfriend take that too seriously..

Fucking hell. You are on the absolute cusp of writing about this as if you're minimising it too. I'm out.