Boyfriends dad convicted of rape. Help

[Allison8]

My bf told me early in our relationship that his father has been in prison for years because he was convicted of dozens of rapes on an underage boy. he told me that his father was innocently convicted and gave several examples of why. I have suspected that my boyfriend has left things out from the story and found the judgment on the web. There I read ceveral things that makes me very sure that his father is guilty. he was also convicted of downloading pictures of naked children. He have also done other crimes in the past that he told me about. My bf and his dad have a very close relationship (best friends) and we see him all the time. Me and my bf have also talked about getting children in the future, but Im now scared of this. I have not told my bf I have read the judgment. What would you do?

I feel so sorry for you, Wingingitsince1973.

He was in prison for 3-4 years. My bf was 16 when he was out I think.

Okay, another thing. If I was about to leave him no matter what. Should I tell him about the judgment first? That would be a lot for him, he would probably get severe depression. But I feel like he should know the truth no matter what

No. He's in denial. If he wanted to know the details he'd look for it himself but then he would have to give up this false story of his Dad's innocent which he stubbornly clings to.

Your focus should be on getting out and closing down all forms of communication so you don't get sucked in by the inevitable emotional blackmail.

Leaving him, and telling him why, is the only sensible thing to do.

The info is easy to access: he can decide whether or not to do that himself.

The truth is available to him just like it was to you. Why do you think it’s your place to direct him to it?

Could you suggest to your boyfriend that you want to discuss this together with a counselor. I

Your DP does know the truth. His father is a convicted paedophile. Simple as that. He wasn't released due to a miscarriage of justice , he is likely to have been released early from his sentence and on parole. I can only assume your DP family believe he is 'innocent too' given your DP view. However it does sound like your partner hid facts from you too to ensure you bought into the narrative.

I would tell him the truth.
We can’t know how far he is consciously covering for his Dad, how much in trauma and denial, how far he has been manipulated and brainwashed.

You had a right to look for the court evidence, I don’t know what is to be gained or lost by not telling him the truth if what you know.

Yes, if it forces him to look the truth in the eye it will be upsetting. But if the truth remains hidden much much worse things could happen in the future.

There’s no way he’s be in prison for only 3-4 years for those crimes.

OP your partner knows what the judgement says. He chooses not to believe it despite this awful conviction. That is his right of course but it’s not reality.
Staying with him will significantly affect your life. If you have children they won’t be permitted any contact with this man. You will also probably have to supervise your partner with any children 24 hours per day because he cannot safeguard them. If you allow his father contact your children would be taken. This is an impossible situation. If you stay I think you’ll regret it forever.
What your partner believes about his father is his choice but in law (and in truth) he is a paedophile and a dangerous predator.
You might also face the horror of your community knowing there is a paedophile in your family, this would impact on your personal safety and may emotionally harm your children.
You are still so young. It hurts but I would not stay. You have so much life to live. Don’t throw it away on this relationship. Do you really want social services and the threat of your children being taken away for the rest of your life. I work in child protection and this does happen. Truly

Are you sure you read the judgement right as 3-4 years doesn’t dictate to multiple rapes? I work with sex offenders and they get a lot more for a hell of a lot less than rape

3-4 years in prison suggests 5-6 year sentence which is too low for multiple child rapes

I dont know why he was only in prison for 3-4 years. There were no direct evidence, which might be why. But they did find photos of other kids that was downloaded. He also told the police he got erect from watching those. The victim told a very detailed story and I cant believe it to be untrue. The victims parents also told the police he kind of admitted it on the phone.

I also dont live in the us. I believe the sentence here is shorter

Sounds like he was convicted for photos alone. Which in itself it a horrible crime.

Sentencing guidelines don’t go by evidence. He’s either guilty or he isn’t. They can’t convict and then give a lower sentence because evidence is weak. He simply can’t have been convicted of rape if your sentence is accurate

It's possible he's pursued a relationship with you because you're a foreigner - who he thought wouldn't find out about his dad as easily as a native English speaker from the same area. Everyone from.his area would know about his dad; and his family will be tainted by it, rightly or wrongly.

He probably would have had trouble finding a girlfriend if they or their family knew about his dad; would you want your daughter/sister etc to get into a relationship with a convicted child rapist's son??

Then you're v young too.

Both of those make me worry for you as, no offence, you could be quite vulnerable.

Your bf is either deluded (and as others have said, has chosen not to find out what his dad really did) or dishonest.

Either way he's not a safe person to have kids with.

He's close to his dad and doesn't believe he committed his crimes; he'll never protect any kids. He'd a really really high risk prospect. You're so so young; please find someone else to settle with and have a family with. This will be nothing but trouble.

I bet local girls wouldnt touch him if they knew about his dad etc.

Allison sorry, are you saying you are not in the U.K? And the conviction and imprisonment was not in the UK?

It would be over for me I'm afraid. I can't be part of a family like that.

He was convicted of raping an underaged person (the lowest here is 3yrs) and for child pornography (lowest 2 months). He might have gotten the mildest sentence, I dont know why though.

Thank you for helping

I dont live in the uk and me and my bf Are from the same country. We dont have a lot of forums where i live cus its a small country.

And also, no the conviction and imprisonment was not in the uk but in the country i live in.

Absolutely what @AltogetherAndrews said. My friend is currently going through a very stressful and upsetting court battle with her in-laws in similar circumstances. Get out while you can.

And also, no the conviction and imprisonment was not in the uk but in the country i live in

Thanks Allison, so his crimes can’t necessarily judged by UK sentencing levels.