Boyfriends dad convicted of rape. Help

[Allison8]

My bf told me early in our relationship that his father has been in prison for years because he was convicted of dozens of rapes on an underage boy. he told me that his father was innocently convicted and gave several examples of why. I have suspected that my boyfriend has left things out from the story and found the judgment on the web. There I read ceveral things that makes me very sure that his father is guilty. he was also convicted of downloading pictures of naked children. He have also done other crimes in the past that he told me about. My bf and his dad have a very close relationship (best friends) and we see him all the time. Me and my bf have also talked about getting children in the future, but Im now scared of this. I have not told my bf I have read the judgment. What would you do?

No reason for you to tell any of this to your boyfriend. It isn't a debate club where he can argue. These are facts. He won't acknowledge them. So I don't know if a conversation would be productive.

@Allison8
Can you link to a news article/the judgement on the crime? It might help us to understand how clear cut the case is

Run for the hills!

Your boyfriend is behaving despicably to deny and lie about his father’s crimes. Why do you want to date someone who would do that?

What's your first language? If you type what you want to say in your first language then one of us will help translate if you like?

“I feel really uneasy getting to know your Dad, and I’ve been thinking about our future together and what it would mean if we had children. I know it’s really hard for you and I didn’t want to ask you for more details so I did some reading. From my position, and having read what I have, I don’t believe that he was innocent . I need to be honest with you. We can never have children if you maintain any relationship with your father’

Has he ever had any counselling?

Do you think he was also a victim of his father?

When you say ‘young adult’ do you mean like 18 or 19?

I am wondering if there is an advice line you can talk to.

Most people say have children.

I thought it was fairly clear that English wasn't your first language - don't worry about it and don't worry about posters nitpicking over your English. It's not really the issue here

I think you should calmly confront your BF as others have suggested. Not because I think it will make him come around to seeing his dad as the predator he is, but because I think it will help you to break things off and move on.

I think he will likely react very badly and be angry at you, ignoring the evidence. If he wanted to know the truth he could have looked into it, but he's chosen denial. He might even have been abused himself and this might be part of the denial and need for his dad to not be guilty, despite reality. Alternatively he know's he's guilty and doesn't disprove strongly enough to end contact...regardless of reasoning, I doubt in a 'me, your loving GF or your father, the convicted child rapist' convo he will choose you. It's just least then you know that you tried all you could and it was just never going to work out.

But yes, you should leave him if he doesn't choose you in that instance, and that's easy for those not in love with him to say, but like the situation with his father...it's sad truth, and uncomfortable, even painful, grieve it as much as you need, but that's the cold cruel reality.

OP: ‘having children’ is the usual phrase, and that’s the lack of logic in English, if we can ‘have’ them we should also be able to ‘get’ them.

Posters need to stop criticising your language, it isn’t the point if your post.

@74NewStreet lay off.

I Will not tell where Im from and link the judgment, Im sorry, but I dont want his family or friends to find and read this. Thats why im leaving some info out also.

We're 21.

I dont think hes a victim of his father no.

It's 'ein Kind bekommen' in German and if you transliterate it could be 'get a child' rather than 'have a baby'.

Is he your first or one of your first proper boyfriends?

He's my second proper.

Why are people mocking/focussing on OP's language when she is asking for help with a horrible and upsetting situation? Very unkind and unneccessary.

OP you need to talk to your BF. He will likely be defensive so give him time to consider what you say. Good luck.

The reason I havent left is because I dont know if he know what his father did. Its mostly his father that told him the lies. He tries so hard to love on, and that might be why he havent searched for the judgment himself. So I have hope that he will see him different if he read the evidence

Move on*

Of course you end it because your BF is a rape apologist.

I wouldn’t talk to him I’d dump him.
I honestly don’t understand why you wouldn’t.

There are 7.5 billion people in the world about half of them are men. Find one that isn’t an apologist for a paedophilic rapist.

This is too big of a risk to even consider a bringing children up in. I’d walk away

Its his father. He loves him. And he was a child when this happened, he grew up with his fathers lies.

He was a child when his father raped another child. If you have children there's no way you'd know whether your children were safe. Would you be prepared to take that risk?

If my mother were convicted of murder, when i was a child and brainwashed me to believe she wasnt quilty and came with evidence, I would probably believe her, because she is my mom. Its common

Yes you probably would but a new partner, who'd read the judgment, would see your mother for what she was and distance themselves from you for their own safety.

Hello OP. How long did he go away for his crimes and what age was your bf when he was released? He will be on a register now and will be for life. Do the rest of the family feel same way as your bf? I was abused by my step father when I was 6 to about 8. My mum blamed me and even continued to send my bother and me to his house for weekends after they split up. It destroyed the first 30 years of my life. Your bf will want his dad in his life if they are best of friends. Would you really be able to be in same room as a paedophile? Knowing what he did to young boys and the still saying he was innocent. Hes a dangerous predator. I hope your boyfriend wasnt a victim but either way it's too messy for you to hang around. You wont ever be happy and you'll be a wreck if you ever have children. Plus social services will be on your back. Break it off and move on with your life xx