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Original poster

Asked him out - should I take this as rejection?

233 replies

KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:15

Hey everyone, so there is a guy I see fairly often who is quite shy and who I am fairly sure likes me. I've worked out that he is single although I don't know if he is dating.

I asked him to come to an event with me in a few days via Facebook. He replied that he would really liked to have come but already has plans. He then thanked me for the invite.

I'll see him in a couple of days and will just need to be ok about it. Does this sound like rejection or a 'not this time' to you?

OP posts:
WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 12/01/2020 21:17

No it just sounds like he already had plans.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:19

Well the thing is I don't think I'd feel comfortable asking again in future now...

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 12/01/2020 21:22

It doesn’t sound good to me, but only because if it were me and I really wanted a date then I’d ha e immediately come back with a counter offer/offer other days when I was available instead of just saying ‘thanks, but no’.

CoffeeConnoiseur · 12/01/2020 21:24

The ball is in his court now.

You asked, he said no... he could have said "I can't but do you fancy a drink/coffee/cinema another day instead?"

I wouldn't ask him out again.

Savoretti · 12/01/2020 21:24

I agree with @herpes. I would have said I was busy but how about a drink on Friday or something....

GilbertMarkham · 12/01/2020 21:27

I wouldn't ask again in future tbh.

Your invite means that, if he wanted to, he could return an invite in future. The risk of rejection isn't there because he knows you wanted to go out with him so he could ask with confidence.

In fact if he wanted to (and is normal) he could have suggested an alternative when saying he couldn't make the thing you invited him to.

So I wouldn't ask again, you'd be chasing him. The ball is in his court (I hate that saying but it's relevant) .. if he wants to, he'll hit it back - if he doesn't, it's because be doesn't want to, for whatever reason.

user1493494961 · 12/01/2020 21:27

Don't ask again, if he's interested he'll ask you out for a drink or coffee.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:28

Yeah that's what I am thinking - there was no counter offer.

I was fairly sure he was into me, otherwise I wouldn't have went for it. Oh well :( I'll see him in person in a couple of days, so I guess I'll see what he says then.

But no, won't be asking him out again.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:33

The only thing that does sound hopeful is the fact said he would really liked to have come.

OP posts:
IM0GEN · 12/01/2020 21:41

He really wanted to have come he would have made a counter offer.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:51

I forgot to mention he initially asked me to something that was then completely cancelled a few weeks ago before xmas. I suppose I was trying to reciprocate in return.

But yeah. Feeling a bit sad. Will see what he says in person. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
Bluewater1 · 12/01/2020 21:53

Was it clear you were asking just him? As in a date?

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:56

Er....no I don't think so. We've been acquaintances in the same friend group that meets every couple of weeks for a few months. We too have grown particularly close.

I am already going to and event where there will be other people and asked if he'd like to come with me. I'm a bit scared to actually say date on case he rejects me and we are in the same group of friends.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 12/01/2020 22:05

I think you have opened up the topic now and if he is interested, he’ll invite you somewhere. I would leave it up to him now.

Stillsexystillsingle · 12/01/2020 22:13

I don't think you made it clear you were asking him on a date? He might have thought you were just inviting him along as a friend?

Stillsexystillsingle · 12/01/2020 22:14

Hence no counter offer

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 22:18

Well yeah he may have thought I was inviting him as a friend...but wouldn't he still be keen to come/make a counteroffer if he liked me?

Like sonjadog says, I have opened up the topic. Interested to see what he says about it in a couple of days.

OP posts:
letsjog · 12/01/2020 22:18

Another one for I don't think he could tell it was a date or not.
Especially if he's shy, coupled with the fact he invited you to something already which then got cancelled he could've thought you were just reciprocating.

BellatrixLestat · 12/01/2020 22:23

Did he tell you what his plans were?

This is just the way I do things so may not be the case here but when I don't want to go somewhere I simply say I have plans, no further detail. If I want to go but genuinely do have plans and can't go I will usually explain 'sorry I can't make it, I've arranged to for a meal with my friend' or something to that effect.

I would read that as a polite way of turning the invite down tbh.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 22:27

I agree. I don't think I made it clear it was a date at all. But...I was pretty sure he liked me! It's a mess because I'm generally confident but feel so shy around him because I like him so much.

He didn't expand on plans in the message but maybe that's because we'll see each other in a couple of days anyway. I'll see what he says then.

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 12/01/2020 22:50

I wouldn't give up quite yet! He had plans. They may have been plans he couldn't get out of, no matter how much he wanted to.

Keep being friendly and maybe a little flirty when you see him. If hes shy he will need a couple of nudges!

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 22:58

Thanks mamatao. By a couple of nudges, do you mean ask him again? Because I'm not sure I could! And want to feel it is more reciprocal.

He is very shy but so kind and polite to everyone. I remember when I started flirting with him he looked a bit startled but last week I started being a bit playful again and he started batting it back finally!

OP posts:
Sunflower20 · 12/01/2020 23:01

No counter offer doesn't mean much at all in my experience! It was also unclear that you meant a date, he probably doesn't even know how you feel. However I would hint and flirt heavily rather than asking him out again, unless you're positive that he likes you.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 23:07

I am fairly certain that he likes me. I mean...I would even go as far as saying I think the feelings are mutual. At first, I thought he was a nice guy but then over time I realised he was going out of his way for me and started to melt my heart. I feel like he has been hinting about his feelings but I am not sure now.

Being so shy I'm concerned subtle hints wont work on him. But really I need to see what he says this week and will report back! Thanks for the support.

OP posts:
Thinkingabout1t · 12/01/2020 23:25

Kat, he sounds like my DH when we first met. Funny and good-natured, so he seemed confident, but in reality was terribly shy. He genuinely didn’t realise when a woman was flirting or trying to ask him out. We would never have got anywhere without mutual friends smoothing our path.

Don’t give up on him. Maybe just be friendly, and accept if he invites you to anything. Be at places you know he’ll go to. If you have friends in common, join in group activities.

I’m encouraging you because I would hate to have missed out on the best relationship of my life! If you do go out with him and it doesn’t work, what have you lost?

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