Asked him out - should I take this as rejection?

[KatDubs261]

Hey everyone, so there is a guy I see fairly often who is quite shy and who I am fairly sure likes me. I've worked out that he is single although I don't know if he is dating.

I asked him to come to an event with me in a few days via Facebook. He replied that he would really liked to have come but already has plans. He then thanked me for the invite.

I'll see him in a couple of days and will just need to be ok about it. Does this sound like rejection or a 'not this time' to you?

You deserve a more enthusiastic guy. Would agree with dating others as well at the moment anyway..

It all sounds like the beginning of a romantic novel, ha ha,

OP never actually asked him out, romantically though right? If he is interested he may be thinking "Is she just being friendly? If I ask her out will I be that creepy guy who always misinterprets friendly gestures from women? Will that be sexual harassment then?"

Just ask him out on a date OP.
I asked a bloke out who I was sure fancied me but never did anything about it, we had mutual visits to places etc but no actual dates.
We've been together 25 years and our dynamic has always been fine.
He was just a bit shy and clueless.
Your bloke may say no but at least you will know either way.

I could just dress up as Sandy from Grease and sing him a song

I think Scott may be right. Ok, I'll ask him out! I've decided it's worth the short term pain of rejection.

I told him a week ago that I had a big show coming up last night and he remembered/wished me luck before His thoughtfulness is a big reason why I like him.

Good luck! Let us know what you say to him and how he responds! And yes, keep in mind that it took sandy and Danny in grease almost a year to get together too!

He's not into you, sorry OP.

If a guy really likes you he woul have definitely suggested something else. Guys dont throw away opportunities to spend time with women they find sexually attractive. They just dont.

Dont ask again- as people have said, the ball is now in his court.

I would wait until you go to the next event together it's only a few weeks away and you'll have plenty of time to talk one on one that would be a good time to tell him you're interested in more than friendship and find out if he is too good luck and keep us updated!

Don’t ask again. If the feeling was mutual you would absolutely know.

Leave it to him now.

Let him make the next move.

Could he be gay? Just putting this out there.

Don't think he is gay! His eyes are always on me in a group situation, even while talking with other people. When I catch him, he always looks away. When we talk, the way he looks at me makes me feel quite warm and special. Not been looked at in that way since my ex bf.

A woman's intuition is powerful. To be honest, I thought he was a nice guy and didn't really fancy him when we first met. But he really went out of his way for me, in a way he doesn't do with other people and that's when he really grew on me.

I'm not ruling anything out as people are complicated. We'll know the answer soon....

OP never actually asked him out, romantically though right

Err, yes, because this is real life not a rom com. In real life we all need a little plausible deniability - asking him to a ‘hobby event’ is a good halfway house, and one that both sexes are aware could have potential. Therefore if he was interested or had anything about him he would have jumped at the chance.

He sounds like a passenger in life.

I dunno, though. He told me he couldn't make it because he had plans. I then overheard him telling someone about his plans with friends the night before...so it wasn't an excuse.

At this point, he has asked me to let him know when the next event is, so we can go. So I will do that.

He doesn't seem like a passenger in life in other aspects, but I do now think he seems quite shy and inexperienced with women. I am not willing to do all the heavy lifting and I'm hoping he will meet me half-way. I intuitively feel he does like me, but it won't mean anything if no action is ever taken!

At this point, he has asked me to let him know when the next event is, so we can go

That could be ages away though. So, he's basically asking you to do all the running then? you have to suggest the next event aswell? what happens if he's not free then either? you keep running to him with ideas for going out?

Surely you can see this doesnt bode well? why didnt he suggest anything? its his turn now...

So the invitation was unclear, lesson learned, if you're really up to asking someone out you need now to be clear. Next time you see him say "that's a shame about the thing, but to be honest it was a sneaky way of trying to ask you out, but maybe you're not interested?" You've got to be confident and able to handle rejection. Men get more practice at this!

This is going to sound a bit random/bonkers but is he a Capricorn? If he is, read up about Capricorn men and all will become clear. If he's not a Capricorn, he's probably just shy and crap with women. That's annoying but he sounds like a good guy so maybe it's worth persevering until your patience runs out.

He's a Pisces, so about a month behind Capricorn!

He is a good guy and I know he cares about me. He makes it very clear by doing me favours and taking a lot of interest in my life. I feel like he is trying to impress me then it goes nowhere.

Mimi - I understand what you're saying and I think you have a point. However I have a feeling he thinks I am just asking him to come to shared hobby things only- not realising I just want to spend time with him in whatever capacity!

If he says no to the event for whatever reason I will have no issue saying ok the ball is in your court now as I've asked you more than once. Be that might not happen. We"ll see.

Why don't you give it one last try and ask him to meet you one-on-one? Just for a coffee or something simple. That way it's clear it's not a group thing. Tell him you want to get to know him better. Maybe it will help you get your answer.

I've been crushing on a guy at my gym for a while and started to think maybe he might like me too. But he's SO reserved. He doesn't lack confidence but he keeps himself to himself. Most days he literally doesn't speak to anyone at the gym. He arrives, he works out, he leaves. It's taken a while forever but now he talks to me (and only me!). He's even started waiting for me to finish up so we can walk out together and then we end up standing out on the street in the dark and cold having a chat. Despite the snail's pace progress, I am totally smitten. In the past I've invited him to group gym drinks/events and just got a sheepish shake of the head. Very bad for my fragile ego.

Anyway, last night, as we were standing outside on the street again, in the dark and cold and wind, with me still in my sweaty gym kit with soaking wet (sweaty!) hair, and he was chatting away to me, I finally lost patience and asked him if he drank. He said no. So I asked him if drinks coffee. He said yes. So I asked him if he'd like to come out for coffee with me some time and looked him in the eyes and said that I find him really interesting fancy him like crazy. He said yes to coffee and he suggested tomorrow (Sun). So now we're doing a gym class together and going out for our first ever coffee. I think it's actually a date. No idea what came over me but someone had to get a bloody grip on the situation! So if I can do it, you can!!!

not realising I just want to spend time with him in whatever capacity!

But if he likes you back, he should jump at the chance of spending time with you- thats what I think is odd. If its just because he's shy, you handed it to him on a plate and he still didnt take it. Now he wants you to suggest something else.

I just dont think you should get into a pattern of making all the effort here, whilst he makes none. Firstly, thats a bad precedent to set for any relationship and secondly, any desire he feels is not going to have a chance to grow if he knows you are there all the time suggesting things to do. He won't feel any sense of urgency or responsibility to make it happen because he knows you will.

From everything you’ve said I’d say he definitely fancies you. But is painfully shy. Don’t wait for next month’s event...find an excuse to meet up this week and just go for it.

I think he's interested, but lacking in confidence and social skills, have you considered that he might have Asperger's or something like that? If you like him and want to pursue this don't stress about it if the two of you are experiencing communication difficulties that's neither of your faults just focus on spending time together and if a relationship is meant to develop between you it will in its own time

Yeah i've had that too @ChipsyChopsy.

I think it's when they like us a bit but not enough to ever want to act on it. And when they have other irons in the fire they like more.

What I did was to say straight up that i liked her. I know it sounds crazy but i felt i needed to be 100% clear for my own sanity. Otherwise this "does she like me, doesn't she understand?" thing would have driven me mad forever, probably. Maybe it's easier when it's two women as one of you has to step up eventually and there's no cliche as to whom.

The fact that she never said it back allowed me to move on with certainty, without FOMO.

I'd see this as a non-starter.

Whether you were clear it was a date or not, a man that was interested romantically would jump at the chance to spend time with you. I understand he was busy but he didn't follow up with another suggestion. He also has only made casual plans about joining you at future events.

Even if he is interested, I'd find the lack of him being able to follow through on it very unattractive, and an indicator of the dynamic any future relationship with him would have.