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Original poster

Asked him out - should I take this as rejection?

233 replies

KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:15

Hey everyone, so there is a guy I see fairly often who is quite shy and who I am fairly sure likes me. I've worked out that he is single although I don't know if he is dating.

I asked him to come to an event with me in a few days via Facebook. He replied that he would really liked to have come but already has plans. He then thanked me for the invite.

I'll see him in a couple of days and will just need to be ok about it. Does this sound like rejection or a 'not this time' to you?

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 19/01/2020 09:07

He's a Pisces. Notoriously lovely but shy. Keep trying, they make fab partners :)

Stillsexystillsingle · 19/01/2020 09:32

I dated a Pisces and I wish I'd married him in lots of ways. I had to ask him out , we'd known each other as friends for about two and a half years before I did and even been housemates for a year. In all that time he'd been interested in me and not dated anyone else, but he admitted to me after we got together he would never have had the confidence to ask me out so if I hadn't of asked him he would have just gone on admiring me from a distance. So yes, sometimes these things do go like it does in the romcoms!

blueshoes · 19/01/2020 10:21

I agree with jasminepearl.

I would find passivity a big turn off in a man. Be prepared to always be the one to do the running if you end up in any kind of relationship with him. He is already grooming you in that direction.

PS his star sign is NOT a valid excuse.

Stillsexystillsingle · 19/01/2020 11:14

Mine was fine with asking me out on dates and so on once we were in a relationship he wasn't lazy in the relationship it was just that he would never have made the first move. If you want to date someone you have to accept them as they are. This isn't typical male behaviour for sure but that doesn't mean these men don't have any value or anything to offer just because they don't conform to the stereotype

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 19/01/2020 12:15

Stillsexysingle - first I love your username Grin and thanks for your insights!

Years ago I dated a guy who was similarly clueless. No moves were being made so eventually I just kissed him and he said he had no idea I was interested! It was obvious and we were together a while after that.

If we do get together next time (at my initiation) I will say that I appreciate relationships to be reciprocal and would like it if he plans something next time. If he can't take the cue from that, there's no hope obviously.

Last week he told me how much he admires me and how he is impressed with the different things I do in life, as he isn't quite as brave! I think he's a fantastic person so I hope he doesn't think I'm out of his league.

OP posts:
MimiLaRue · 19/01/2020 15:46

Notoriously lovely but shy. Keep trying, they make fab partners

OMG no, my experience with Pisces men has been truly awful. Flaky, dreamy, changing their mind every 5 mins, indecisive, never taking affirmative action, leaving all the heavy lifting in the relationship to you etc

Do not want a Pisces man, ever.

MimiLaRue · 19/01/2020 15:49

If we do get together next time (at my initiation) I will say that I appreciate relationships to be reciprocal and would like it if he plans something next time. If he can't take the cue from that, there's no hope obviously

This is very wise, OP.

If you do initiate again and he is flaky, says he cant make it but again asks you to suggest stuff definitely dont. You shouldnt have to chase after a man who supposedly likes you. There should be at least "some" give and take.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 24/01/2020 15:24

Just came back to say that he asked me to have coffee with him, but then someone tagged alone with us!

We were coming to the end of an event with the rest if the group & he asked if I'd like to go and get a coffee and a sandwich at a cafe he knew. I said yes, so off the 2 of us went. But then another person from the group caught up with us! She also always stays with just us 2 at other events recently, which means I barely have time alone with him anymore. I like her but I was quite annoyed!

OP posts:
SHAR0N · 24/01/2020 16:09

Well it’s not like she can read your mind and know that you are trying to have time alone with him !

I’m sorry but he does sound a bit ineffectual. Shy or not, you given him plenty hints that you’d like to go on a date with him.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 24/01/2020 16:26

Does he not deserve some points for asking me to get coffee?

OP posts:
midwestcharm · 24/01/2020 16:42

I don't really get why you can't just ask him or send him a text asking if he fancies going on a date?
If he says no then you can move on.
If he says yes then have a date and take it from there.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 24/01/2020 16:53

Because it's not as simple as moving on. We are in the same friend group and will be for the foreseeable future.

Also a couple of people in the group made a big deal out of the fact we went off just the two of us! I think it is quite clear we wanted some alone time.

I will ask him within the next week Blush

OP posts:
StVincent · 24/01/2020 16:59

I think this is really sweet. Now would be the perfect time for a message saying “shame we didn’t have more of a chance to catch up [whenever it was you had coffee] - don’t suppose you’re around on Saturday and fancy a hot chocolate/tequila/proper chat/“ delete as appropriate

flipperdoda · 24/01/2020 17:14

I think it's sweet too. I like the suggestion from StVincent !

StVincent · 24/01/2020 17:41

If he’s shy he may not be giving counter suggestions because he doesn’t think you would be interested in the likes of him!

ApolloTenne · 24/01/2020 17:52

Totally agree with @StVincent, I this would be a perfect opportunity to message him over the weekend and ask if he wants to meet up again and have a proper catch up, without someone inviting themselves along! Otherwise, it sounds as though this hanger-on is going to be a regular occurrence at your group events!

blueshoes · 24/01/2020 21:48

The coffee is progress. Baby steps. I wouldn't email him again to ask him out. He needs to step up and show he has courage and conviction.

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 24/01/2020 22:12

He did ask me to go for a coffee, blueshoes.

He did also ask me to let him know when the next event night was on that I wanted to go to, so I really don't see any reason not to do that/tell him the dates?

OP posts:
StVincent · 25/01/2020 10:40

No, just go for it! Don’t be embarrassed

Talkingmouse · 25/01/2020 11:25

Come on, it has been long enough. Just go for it now! ie reply ‘...the next event night is on the Xth from 6 till 9, shall us 2 go for dinner afterwards?’

Januarydays · 25/01/2020 11:31

You deserve someone who’s making more effort especially at the start

flipperdoda · 25/01/2020 14:42

You deserve someone who’s making more effort especially at the start

As far as I can see, they've made about the same level of effort. Both invited to an event which fell through, he also invited her to coffee, etc.

How come he has to put in more effort than her?

I think you should ask him more obviously OP, and in a way that it's not tagging on from a group thing so nobody else can accidentally third wheel you!

Stillsexystillsingle · 26/01/2020 11:25

It'll happen when it's meant to happen you're spending more time together so things are progressing. I hate that too the way everyone likes to have a laugh when single people are seen speaking to each other and speculate and turn the smallest clues that two people might be interested in each other into such a big deal, when the two of you are feeling each other out you don't need that kind of attention especially when you're already shy!

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 20/02/2020 18:17

Just came back to say a friendship has grown and he has made an effort to create some alone time with me. But but I've lost hope a bit because:

I was talking about a hobby I've started. He got excited about it as he apparently shares the same hobby. He then suggested we should get a group together and start doing it it more often. That was the perfect situation for him to say we go together?

The more I get to know him, the more I see how lovely, hilarious and also how awkward he is. I had just got the courage up to ask him out again but I feel a bit discouraged now.

OP posts:
Flavarings · 20/02/2020 18:25

Don't feel discouraged, ask again! Or adk for drinks/coffee afterwards?

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