Asked him out - should I take this as rejection?

[KatDubs261]

Hey everyone, so there is a guy I see fairly often who is quite shy and who I am fairly sure likes me. I've worked out that he is single although I don't know if he is dating.

I asked him to come to an event with me in a few days via Facebook. He replied that he would really liked to have come but already has plans. He then thanked me for the invite.

I'll see him in a couple of days and will just need to be ok about it. Does this sound like rejection or a 'not this time' to you?

Oh he got in touch in tonight and said he saw the events we were looking at going to are cancelled but we should do something else once we know the lie of the land?

I would give him one more chance but if he does it again, cut your losses completely xx

Yes he is single. I don't know if he's dating, if he is he doesn't talk about them and he describes his social life with family and friends quite openly with me.

He is clear interested to some extent imo either he wouldn't have got in touch again saying he still wants to do something. But I want some serious intent/effort from the person I am going to be with. I don't want to settle for anything less/scraps.

I am 28 now and feel there is a pattern with dating guys in their 20s who have no desire to settle down? Maybe I should aim for a bit older.

He still wants to do something because he sees you as a friend.

OP, I would ask him if he would like to go on a date with you. After all this time you are wondering how he is feeling and what his intentions are because it's not clear. He may be wondering the same too? Or not?
But you won't know until you ask him directly, "would you like to go on a date with me?"
Then you will know either way.

He won’t improve OP.

A great book came out in the 90’s called, ‘He’s Just Not Into You’. Worth a read,
It changed my dating life.

There was a great line in Sex in the City when one of the girls had your conundrum - a guy had taken her out but when she’d suggested coming back for coffee he’d refused. All the girls had been making excuses for him - he likes you but he’s shy/tired etc. Another guy just laughed and sad the immortal line; ‘he’s just not into you. If a man likes a woman it doesn’t matter if he’s going to be inaugurated as the president of the United States the next morning, he’s comin’ up’.

Not that you’ve got this far with mr mixed message but you get the picture.

He sounds so annoying. If you really want to continue trying to pursue him, maybe try being indifferent and uninterested in him instead. Maybe he's one of these guys who sees a lack of interest from a woman as worthy of chase and effort and as soon as you start to press him he backs off.

Shane Watson the journalist not the cricketeer wrote an amazing piece ( funny but spot on ) in the Sunday Times some years back about "He's Just Not That Into You"
I have tried to find it since and even wrote to the Sunday Times to try and get a copy of the article but to no avail.
It was either in the Style mag or the Sunday Times mag.

If someone on here could do a link or knows Shane Watson journalist it would be great.

I haven't read the whole thread but wanted to sympathise as I'm having similar issues with a male friend I'm attracted to. We are still getting to know each other as friends and he has previously expressed interest in attending a regular event in our hometown. We first met about 6 months ago and 'hit it off' quickly but we haven't really seen each other in the last 3 months for various reasons. We sometimes chat on Facebook and I've invited him out twice on there - once to one of the events and then for a walk/coffee. He doesn't reply to these invites, but if I wait a few weeks and change the subject, he replies quickly and says "Hey! How are you?" etc. We are both intending to attend our Meetup group in about 10 days' time so I think I will have to be direct about wanting to spend more time with him.

He is also a shy guy and has been single for about a year. He hasn't mentioned dating anyone but I guess it's not something he feels he has to talk about. Until he ignored my invites I was almost certain he was into me. Our personalities and interests are similar and the conversations always flow easily when we go to our Meetup group. We smile and laugh together a lot!