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Original poster

Asked him out - should I take this as rejection?

233 replies

KatDubs261 · 12/01/2020 21:15

Hey everyone, so there is a guy I see fairly often who is quite shy and who I am fairly sure likes me. I've worked out that he is single although I don't know if he is dating.

I asked him to come to an event with me in a few days via Facebook. He replied that he would really liked to have come but already has plans. He then thanked me for the invite.

I'll see him in a couple of days and will just need to be ok about it. Does this sound like rejection or a 'not this time' to you?

OP posts:
Original poster
KatDubs261 · 20/02/2020 19:00

I am happy to ask again.

But now I have someone asking if he could be gay and could I have read it wrong....and that it making me feel discouraged!

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 20/02/2020 19:17

I think he may like you and the friend may like him. He's trying to get alone time with you (and you with him), but friend is blocking it.

You'll need to text him to meet away from the friend.

squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 19:19

I think you need to be brave and tell him that you like him 8n a romantic way, ask him on an obvious date like dinner and a movie.
You'll get your answer
He might just not be picking up on your subtle suggestions
Just come right out with it

squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 19:21

And definitely ditch your friend.

Dimpious · 20/02/2020 19:36

I've just read through the whole thread and so disappointed with your more recent update OP! I was rooting for you. Don't give up yet, my DH was so shy (turned beetroot several times a day in the first year or so of our relationship!) sending you be brave vibes, send a little message and ask him round to your so it's clear it's a you and his thing! I want the happy ending to this story for you! Smile

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 20/02/2020 21:09

Dimpious - yes he is often red while we're talking and sometimes finds looking me in the eye quite hard. Actually we are both a bundle of nerves but also really enjoy our time together!

But what do you think about the fact I mentioned a mutual hobby and he said we should get a group together? Even for a shy but interested guy, surely that was the perfect in?

OP posts:
squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 22:06

Honestly, I think that's because he's not sure whether you'd be comfortable spending time alone with him.
I think you need to be more clear

squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 22:07

You both sound very shy, but 9ne of you needs to take the lead. It's obvious he likes you a lot

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 20/02/2020 22:37

Squished grapes- i had never even thought of that, you might be right. The worst of it is, I am really not shy in other aspects of life, just with him!

What makes you think he likes me?

OP posts:
AskEvans · 20/02/2020 22:59

For goodness sakes! Squished grapes won't know if he wants to date you any more than the rest of us or even you know....only he knows...just ask him if he wants to go see a film or something so it's just the two of you!...i was less frustrated waiting to go into labour with my 4 days overdue baby than i am with this thread!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/02/2020 23:09

There's really no need for all this pressure and rush on OP. Some things develop best at their own pace, even if that is glacial. If you don't want to ask directly OP just wait for the next situation to arise where you can break off from the group naturally, and do it more subtly this time!

Do you think 3rd wheel friend likes him too?

squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 23:12

Oh the friend deffo likes him and knows that you two like each other, hence the tagging along.
It sounds as though he lies you from the lack of eye contact
You need to ask hi out on a date, before the friend does

squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 23:14

Ask him out, that is
By the eye contact thing, I mean as a general symptom of being nervous around you. I think the pair of you are too shy. One needs to make a move
Life is too short
Do it quick, before the friend does it

squishedgrapes · 20/02/2020 23:15

It's not a rush if you ask him on a date, surely 😂

FNuts · 20/02/2020 23:16

Blokes are simple creatures. He already has plans. Nothing to dwell on.

MyOtherProfile · 20/02/2020 23:19

Please just tell him you like him and ask if he feels the same!

stophuggingme · 20/02/2020 23:20

Don’t spend another month of your life agonising and overthinking.

Find a way that you are comfortable with to tell him you are attracted him.

If he doesn’t reciprocate then the initial disappointment will subside and at least you have certainty. Not knowing either way is just ridiculous

MyOtherProfile · 20/02/2020 23:20

@HundredMilesAnHour please tell us what happened with you and gym guy and the coffee date!

Original poster
KatDubs261 · 20/02/2020 23:31

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug- I'm ok with things moving slowly but I am more concerned that we fall into a mutual friend zone and that's the end of it

Yes I think the friend likes him but the friend IS taken! In quite a serious relationship it seems.

OP posts:
shivermetimbers77 · 20/02/2020 23:40

How about asking him to see a film one evening, then have drinks afterwards, flirt a bit... With shy guys you sometimes have to be very direct, so you may need to really spell out that you fancy him and don't want to be just friends.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/02/2020 23:43

She's potentially trying to stop you getting with him then even though she can't have him, that's not very nice!

PepsiLola · 20/02/2020 23:51

I think I would just message him and ask him out.

To be it wouldn't be worth another month questioning every contact.

Do something liked inviting him to yours for a takeaway/movie, something not hobby related at all to fall into that zone

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 00:09

Oh god this is a bit juvenile, sorry!

I’m exhausted reading it! I couldn’t deal with the hand wringing and drama and circling around each other!

Either ask him out straight and tell him you’re interested or leave it. It’s a bit too Bridget Jones at the moment!

Pandamoore · 21/02/2020 03:18

Good luck!

NightsOfCabiria · 21/02/2020 08:08

Oh god, I could never be with such a wilting wall flower.

As others have said, he’s a passenger in life and this passivity will be the tone of your entire relationship, should it ever get off the ground.

There’s nothing more depressing than forcing a man to show interest in you.

Sorry OP.