Dom/sub relationships

[Difflifestyle]

Hi

Myself and my partner are in a D/S relationship, Male Dom, female sub.

This is a lifestyle choice, not just the bedroom antics, harks back to early traditions, men being men, women being women etc. We are both committed and consenting to this.

We are interested to know, if one of your family or friends told you they were doing this what would your reaction be?

It would depend if they were both happy I wouldn't judge

If you were booth genuinely happy I’d leave you to it.

I’d be at the level of internalised mysogeny though.

No one else needs to know, it's odd to talk about it with people not in the same lifestyle, you will just look like a sex obsessed weirdo. It sounds like you've fallen hook line and sinker for a 'Dom' who is actually just a controlling man who realised this lifestyle is a great way to get women to agree to their own subjugation.

That's not a D/s relationship. If it's full-time, it's a Master/slave relationship. I'm undecided that a relationship of this kind can be healthy - but you do have the potential to learn a lot.

It wouldn't bother me unless it affected me (probably selfish of me). I am not sure how it works but if for example we were going to go on a night out and plans couldn't be made until you had asked permission then that would.annoy me.and I I would probably just stop including you.

It’s pretty accepted in my social circle, so nobody would really be interested or care.

I recently (when drunk, and partly because I thought she’d already worked it out) let slip to my mum that boyfriend and I have an open relationship. Turns out she didn’t know, but took it in her stride, albeit in a bit of a perplexed way; but as my parents have always said to me about anything, they’d rather I was happy than conventional, which probably accounts for them not being horrified.

I’m not sure anyone really needs to know about a D/s relationship though. Unless you have a burning desire to be walked through the streets by your DH on a leash, then it really is a contained lifestyle, even if not confined to sex. You just do you.

I couldn’t respect a man who needed this level of control.

I would wonder if it was always something you wanted or whether you had met a deeply controlling mysogenist who had forced you into a master/slave relationship

If it is also outside the house and bedroom I would find it quite unsettling to see

This isnt about him just taking my power or me giving it him, its what I want and about trust both ways.

Although of course worried what friends and family think though.

Puds Subs actually have more control than the Doms.

Yawn.

Why do you need to tell your friends? Does it affect them?
If one of my friends told me I wouldn't mind. As long as she was happy

Why would your friends and family even know?

Anyway, everybody judges everyone else, you can't avoid it. Every relationship is different. I judge women who do all the housework. Of course that's not really of any concern to those women, my opinion doesn't affect them.

Don't share what you don't need to share if you care about what people think of you.

if one of your family or friends told you they were doing this what would your reaction be?

I'd tell them I don't want to hear about anyone's sex life and ask them why the fuck they think any wants to know/ they want others to know?!

Although of course worried what friends and family think though

Why tell your family about your sex life? Why?!

In the bedroom I don't care what you do
But outside of that.
I would pity you.
I would despise him.

Relationships should be about mutual trust and respect.

Its not about telling them about our sex lives, but the dynamic that exists in our relationship, that I want decisions to be made by him, there is no financial control etc. But things like appearance, etc.

A friends commented she had noticed I had changed my style, and my answer its to please him, made her question me.

Its not about telling them about our sex lives, but the dynamic that exists in our relationship

Bullshit.

I would say if you are going to have kids it’s a very very bad example. Is there there not enough sexist stuff going on naturally in the world without adding to it?!

Because it’s a full on thing I suspect he’s unable to deal with a woman who is his equal and uses this d/s thing to control you out of the bedroom and have a little house slave who waits on his hand and foot.

I don’t think it’s a good dynamic for children to see.

Are you living this as a lifestyle outside your sex life? As in, are you thinking of being permanently collared, or something along those lines? In which case, does the dynamic need explanation to your friends and family, because otherwise it would be confusing/look abusive?

If that's the case, then I guess you have to come out at some point. I'm quite submissive, but veer more switch. But I'm definitely not submissive outside of my sex life, and would struggle with a 24/7 master/slave dynamic. I kind of get why some people would like it, but for me it's very much a sexual thing not anything else.

For me, it means I really don't need to talk about it with anyone, unless we have having a specific sex-based conversation (which does happen, and not infrequently...my friends are pretty open).

If a friend relative was involved in this, I'd be deeply concerned. Someone who gets enjoyment from hurting someone is unhinged.

This is a lifestyle choice, not just the bedroom antics, harks back to early traditions, men being men, women being women etc.

Are you conflating two completely separate things here?

• BDSM power exchange
• 'Traditional' submissives wives / misogynistic relationships

It's my understanding that the gender roles can be either way around in BDSM, so the woman could be the Dom and the man could be the Sub. In a 'traditional' misogynistic relationship it's only ever the one way around.