Dom/sub relationships

[Difflifestyle]

Hi

Myself and my partner are in a D/S relationship, Male Dom, female sub.

This is a lifestyle choice, not just the bedroom antics, harks back to early traditions, men being men, women being women etc. We are both committed and consenting to this.

We are interested to know, if one of your family or friends told you they were doing this what would your reaction be?

Your response to your friend was weird.

A friends commented she had noticed I had changed my style, and my answer its to please him, made her question me.

I would take that as either a plea for help or leading up to giving me tmi on her sex life. Most likely the former.

If all is well, as you claim, I'd expect your answer to have been I just decided I wanted this new style. After all, that's true, the fact that your husband's opinion was a major influencer is not important: you live in a country where you can make your own choices about clothing, you chose to wear what your DH likes and you could choose to stop. So, imo your answer to her would come across as a plea for help.

I approached him, I want this equally, we have total respect and trust. I enjoy, all areas of this. It makes me feel happy.

But I think Im judged by asking what I want.

I'd be worried why they wanted to do this. I wouldn't be happy at all if the female was say, my niece. I'd worry why she wanted to make herself subservient and also that she would not be treated well.

Ffs, why do you feel the need to tell everyone how you are living your life and what you get up to in the bedroom.

When someone says, your hair is nice, you've changed it.....you say thanks. That's it. Just thanks. They're not asking for your life story 🙄. Nobody is interested.

I would also think that you were both weird and too focussed on sex.

Even if you say you want it. They issue is a man wanting to control you. Have you question why he wants to do that?

Are you able to stop this if you want?

If you have the choice to stop= this is just role play, a kink.

If you don't have a choice to stop= abusive relationship.

If it's something that you do all the time to please him - changing how you look, he makes the decisions, etc - then it is about control and not sex.

Most people's sex lives don't consume their entire day.

I'd assume you were both either sex obsessed or you were being abused or both.

If you don't want to be judged then don't tell anyone. And please don't give up your financial independence for this man.

Why do you want it? So you don't have to worry about anything or because you like to be controlled? Is him telling you what to wear etc an extension of your sex life or completely unrelated?

What would happen if you decided that actually you didn't want to do that anymore?

How is there no financial control if he makes all the decisions?
What happens if he tells you to cut your friends off?

Oh I didn't realise it was a whole lifestyle thing.

In that case I'd be worried about you as a friend. I'd wonder about your deeper psychology and what has happened to your self esteem to want to love like this.

I'd also probably distance myself because as a feminist and someone who cares about my friends I'd find it too hard to watch

Of course I can stop it, when I want, we have agreements in place, safe spaces to talk.

And no way would i give up financial independence and he wouldn't want me to.

Could you explain how it works day to day, hour to hour how it would differ from a non D/S relationship eg-

• eating
• chatting about what you are planning to do/have done with your day
• how much of your time is spent together
• when you want sex, do you suggest it? What if he suggests sex and you are not in the mood?

What is the BDSM power exchange, where subs get more power?

Disclaimer: I am being exceptionally nosy for no particular reason, because I am in a very nosy mood, and i know very little about all this - please don't answer anything unless you particularly want to.

So less D/S and more Surrendered Wife?

Honestly, I’d think you probably both need therapy. I’d be worried for you.

Makes me shudder to read about him telling you what to wear. I just couldn't imagine giving that much of my self over to another person. I thibk your friend was right to question

Pretend to catch religion then nobody will bat an eyelid.

If your whole life is a big foreplay roleplay then FGS don't tell me, I don't want to know I'm a participant.

Tbh, if you said any of this to me irl, I'd smile, nod and giggle to myself about how embarrassed you'll be in a few months time when you've got this out of your system and you realise how much stupid personal shit you overshared when they take the piss out of you for choosing your own lunch after you've dumped your bf.

Of course I can stop it, when I want, we have agreements in place, safe spaces to talk

Role play then.

I'm kinky and submissive in the bedroom but to be honest I do find it a bit odd when people claim to live "the lifestyle" 24/7.

I think Greyson Perry once said "Even if you meet at a fetish club you still end up walking around B&Q in matching fleeces"
I kind of think thats the way it should be!

If your whole life is a big foreplay roleplay

Yes!! This is what i find odd about it. Why make foreplay your entire life?! Exhausting.

I would pity you, potentially have little respect for either of you and be concerned he may be an abuser. Since as you say, this goes further than the bedroom.
If i'm being honest.

@Difflifestyle if it's not a full time thing (ie you have safe spaces) it is a sex thing and so you don't need to explain it to your friends

A friends commented she had noticed I had changed my style, and my answer its to please him, made her question me.

Did you tell her you're happy to do it because it's the lifestyle you want to lead?
I find it easier when people question my motivations and I mention dhs opinion that I'm trying it out because he likes it and I fancy a change, it's true because from what you've said, if you don't like it, you can go back and as true to dom/sub relationships as pps have said you in reality have the control because you're the one who sets those bounderies.

Personally I couldn't care less how someone lives as long as they are happy and doing no harm.

I couldn't be friends with you, sorry, everything you seem to believe I find dreadful, I probably wouldn't even like to meet your "partner" let alone befriend him

if it was just sex, that's different, each to their own, consenting adults and all that, but to me that's acceptable because it is a game, but a lifestyle, no

If you're both happy then get on with your lives. No need to drag anyone else into it.

Isn't this what's called a 'surrendered wife'? The wife hands over all control to the husband and leaves him to manage work, money, 'men's jobs' around the home, while she devotes her life to keeping him happy, providing a comfortable home, cooking etc. He also devotes himself to providing for his wife and family. A lot of trust is involved, and with the right personalities it could keep everyone happy. But it's not for most people.