Dom/sub relationships

[Difflifestyle]

Hi

Myself and my partner are in a D/S relationship, Male Dom, female sub.

This is a lifestyle choice, not just the bedroom antics, harks back to early traditions, men being men, women being women etc. We are both committed and consenting to this.

We are interested to know, if one of your family or friends told you they were doing this what would your reaction be?

No, that's why I said 'hypothesise'

I definitely associated sex with pain/restraint. Not because I was abused, but because I learnt to masturbate (without really knowing what that was) using water jets in a pool, imagining I was a princess being tortured. I was 7/8. I guess something to triggered me to do that but no idea what. No abuse or anything. I think it’s part wired into me.

I can definitely have ‘vanilla’ sex - but I really enjoy BDSM play as well, and take a primarily submissive role. I am not particularly submissive in real life. I find it hard to explain what wha turns me in about it. I quite like pain, and I like the sense of being restrained, and the trust involved is a turn on.

IT definitely can be a front for abuse, and I think that’s even more the case post 50 shades where everyone is exploring it to spice up relationships...but learning about it from those books which are jist glamourising an abusive relationship. But I know two people who have been in abusive relationships without any kink whatsoever so I don’t necessarily think one necessitates the other and my experience of helping by helping leave her relationship is that recognising something as abuse is not necessarily easier in the absence of a kink.

What I do know is that I repressed my kinks for a long time out of shame and shame from my ex, and I’m a whole heap happier now I don’t...

@CursedDiamond

I'm very similar. I had thoughts about this kind of thing from a very young age. Grew up pre-internet and experienced no abuse, so I certainly believe it's an inherent disposition. And I don't appreciate being shamed over it either. My sex life shouldn't be anyone else's concern.

cursed OMG and me. And I have never experienced any abuse.

@thebluestocking I am really sorry if you felt shamed over it. That wasn't my intention - I was speaking my mind more in response to the fact you had also spoken your mind, and that you had talked about things like it being taboo to want a dominant man now in compared with the past, which I disagreed with. Not intending to shame anyone, and so again I am sorry if my post went too far.

As to inherent disposition, I understand what you have said, but people have changed how they felt about it over the course of their lives.

@solpetyie

Not at all! I don't mind questions about it at all. I understand people will be curious.

A friends commented she had noticed I had changed my style, and my answer its to please him, made her question me.

This is so attention seeking of you 😂

The whole thing strikes me as you being someone who wants to do the "OMG we are soooo kinky, if anyone ever found out I can't imagine what they'd think"

I'll tell you what they'd think... meh and why is she telling us about their kinks?

I'll let you in on a secret too, many people (not all but many) have kinks, they just don't feel the need to share them with friends and family.

If you're genuinely enjoying it between you then there isn't a reason to bleat on about it to other people.

Sometimes you aren't as interesting as you think you are

Why do you want to subjugate your wishes and desires to your h's? Why give up control over money, decisions - like where you go on holiday?- and what you wear? Won't it make you a full person with no opinions if your own? Genuine question.

What would you do if your h asked you to wear something you didn't like? Or made a decision you disagreed with?

You have a brain and a mind of your own - why not use them?

I know this thread's over a year old, but...
What an unbelievable amount of ignorance and intolerance on this thread. Everyone using words like misogyny is just deluded and ignorant, and because they won't try to understand what they're talking about, they turn to condemnation instead.

To answer the original question, I think you should predominantly talk to people within the community as it prevents things like this thread, but I imagine some of your nearest and dearest will notice a few behavioural traits and so it might be important to explain to them that a D/s relationship is in no way an abusive relationship and that you're both happy. This is especially important if they ever saw bruises or grazes; the last thing you want is a witch-hunt against your husband/partner

@J99NCL

I know this thread's over a year old, but... What an unbelievable amount of ignorance and intolerance on this thread. Everyone using words like misogyny is just deluded and ignorant, and because they won't try to understand what they're talking about, they turn to condemnation instead.

To answer the original question, I think you should predominantly talk to people within the community as it prevents things like this thread, but I imagine some of your nearest and dearest will notice a few behavioural traits and so it might be important to explain to them that a D/s relationship is in no way an abusive relationship and that you're both happy. This is especially important if they ever saw bruises or grazes; the last thing you want is a witch-hunt against your husband/partner

Totally agree.

I’m married to a younger man, I’m 35 he’s 29. When we met I was v experienced, I was his first.

We had lots of fun exploring sexually, and ended up in a Dom/sub situation through natural exploration.

I love the control he has over me sexually, we had experimented with swinging etc and part of that gave him the chance to control who I had sex with or played with etc, and also what I wore. He’d never force me to go against my will etc.

Sexually I find that a huge turn on, and wouldn’t ant it any other way.

Outside of sex, we are equal. Totally financially independent (i earn less than him but my savings/assets are considerably more), he is a total gentleman and amazing guy in every way. Just because we have and enjoy very kinky sex doesn’t mean he’s anything else.

Do what makes you happy, nobody else matters

back to early traditions, men being men, women being women

This is generally over simplistic, clichéd bullshit, you know.

Medieval women worked on building sites and did apprenticeships.

Women ruled some ancient civilisations.

Half of victorian women worked outside the home.

Women worked in the fields, esp at harvest time.

I could go on.

People like you like some 50s fake stereotype and it's untrue and dysfunctional.

It a reflection of some vulnerability avd immaturity in yourself, not how women are or were.

@FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou

Pretend to catch religion then nobody will bat an eyelid.

If your whole life is a big foreplay roleplay then FGS don't tell me, I don't want to know I'm a participant.

Tbh, if you said any of this to me irl, I'd smile, nod and giggle to myself about how embarrassed you'll be in a few months time when you've got this out of your system and you realise how much stupid personal shit you overshared when they take the piss out of you for choosing your own lunch after you've dumped your bf.

This!