Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

thread [[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3779586-Dating-thread-178-where-we-launch-into-the-new-year-with-new-hopes]]

Checking in

Still no irons 🙄

Checking in....

Oops, messed up that one. Sorry.

So thanks to everyone who posted advice for me. I met someone I like, who seems to like me. But for the past few months up until now I've been extremely casually dating a few guys and wasn't sure how to handle the situation, if it does lead to anything with the person I like.

I'll probably balls it up anyway so feeling generally a bit uncertain.

Good luck to everyone going on a date tonight!! :)

dancemom Where are you looking for these irons?

@chochito I asked too many questions I think last time. For the casual irons just maybe don’t see them at all until you are more certain on the new man rather than telling them now.

Evening all - I think I have missed out nearly an entire thread! I will go back and read through, although I did read some posts.

Thank you for the new thread..
My update -
I have seen Mr Popcorn 4 times now, from mid Nov (I started OLD mid-Oct) - the last 3 times he has stayed, the sex has been great, we get on really well + I like him an a lot. He has told me he likes me a lot, too.
I have tried to have the conversation as to where we go from here - he lives 90 mins away, I am a FT teacher and have a teenage DD....and only EOW free - he is the sort of person I would want to spend my 10-20% free time with though His work is full on, too (needs to be within 30 mins of work for chunks of time) and he has his kids 50/50.
When I have asked about what we do next, he has said he doesn't know what to say - I think we are at an impasse due to distance etc.
I stopped seeing anyone else after we started sleeping together, he isn't dating anyone else, but we haven't 'properly' had that chat..
I don't want to put my life on hold much longer (we tried talking about it on Monday night - but no conclusion), have no idea how much longer to wait or whether to listen to what he is NOT saying, and wish him well.
I read bits of the last thread re avoidance types - some resonated with me too.
I have compared two messages - one saying goodbye etc, as there doesn't seem to be a solution and a second totally baring my heart and explaining how I see my future panning out, being able to move when DD leaves home in a couple of years and chose how/where I spend that next chunk of my life, not always being tied to where I am etc etc
I don't want to send either - I would like to fast forward and see what happens.

Oops - sorry for the essay!
Any thoughts/insights gratefully received.
It's hard work...

@Chochito
If it is any help, I chose to stop having other dates once I started having sex with Mr Popcorn as my emotions would have got tangled. With them, I just declined further dates and wished them well/happiness.

@Undecidedsofa oh that is a hard one. The thing is what works is different for different people. Some people would make your situation work, other people would decide quite soon that it's too difficult.

Sorry I'm no use at all. I think you need to properly discuss it together though, maybe in person or on the phone. See if you are on the same page.

How old are his DC?

Absolutely no irons going on for me at the minute.

Was supposed to be on a first date tonight with Mr Teacher . He seemed lovely until he decided to ghost me this morning. Why do people do that?! He seemed really keen and then just nothing!

Mr ArrogantExPolice has not been in touch for a week. I dont think he was the one for me. He never asked me a question about me or my life, just spoke about himself and is all about being adored on instagram from what I can seem. I want a man not a boy.

Signed up to eharmony last night and was very disappointed with the men in there. Going to ask for a refund! Sticking with POF, Bumble and a bit of Hinge for now unless anyone has any other recommendations?

Thank you @LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn
It is a lose/lose situation! It is hard as neither of us seem to want to give either answer
His DC are 11 and 14; my DD is 16....I have always planned to move/change job or area when she leaves school (I am a teacher) so if I were to meet someone worth relocating for, I would. I know he couldn't for quite while, which doesn't really bother me. It feels a bit 'full on' saying all that now to him though; equally we are at the point where we do need to make the decisions
AM I allowed to hide under the duvet and ignore it all ??

@Undecidedsofa. You’ve managed to see him about once a week is that not enough to keep the relationship going ? Maybe in. School holidays etc you could see each other a little more ? I met my current Main iron the end of Nov. Sometimes it was twixs a week but now we’ll have a gap Of 10 days with work and kids but althou it’s long I won’t give up on that

@TheresGotToBeMoreToLife
I have tried Bumble (really didn't get on well with that), Guardian Soulmates (lasted a week) and I am on Match now - I have been on there since mid October and had dates with 6 or 7 men, including Mr Popcorn who I met second half of Nov. It started off pretty full on and has tapered off although I still get messages - perhaps every 2 or 3 days ...I live in a small city, about 15 miles from a bigger city...

Thanks everyone. I haven't tried OLD, too scared.

If I sleep with this new guy and we continue together I definitely couldn't go out with anyone else. I just don't want to seem like an arse with the casual date guys nor do I want to look like an idiot if the one I like is also still casually dating (I don't think he is but it's far too early to ask outright).

I would hope so @Jane1978xx, although his work is an added complication - he is out of the country for just over 2 weeks in Jan and can be called out of the UK at other times, too..and when that happens he sees his kids when he is back, which leaves v limited time, which is when the distance issue kicks in.
I'd be happy every fortnight I think...and I have the bonus of holiday freedom.
It's good to hear others have longer-ish gaps, too.

urgh, posted too soon -
I think I am beginning to get feelings for him ( I know it's early on), hence it being in the forefront of my mind so much...like all of us, I don't want to get hurt again.

shitwithsugaron Tell us about your date tomorrow! Where are you going and what will you wear? I hope he lives up to expectations.

Hello 😁

I think you've decided. Burgundy will also match the wine.

@shitwithsugaron I love a shirt dress, slightly veering towards a discussion about fashion now but why does one have to be worn buttoned to the throat and the other not? I'm just interested in the dresses now 😂

@Chochito
If it's not the right time to ask him, could you hold off for a bit and see him a couple more times to gauge where he is at more so you could have that chat?

@shitwithsugaron
Good news re Mr List