Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

@bangheadhere40 unless you're both happy to be virtual penpals, then just meet up - what's the point of doing it otherwise? :)

It is a little scary meeting someone if you have decided you like them already, but it's also part of the excitement - what about if you do like him in person? That to me makes it seem that he's a little lacking in confidence.

@cat, this went on for weeks, we have been chatting. I asked to meet up loads but he wouldn't so I gave up and have started to meet other people.

I have explained you need to meet someone, but he is terrified apparently and scared of ruining the online thing we have.

I've always said I am confident I will like him in person, he said it's a huge gamble.

Can I join in please?
I’ve been on PoF and met someone this week for a drink. He looked sod all like his profile picture, and he’d definitely lied about his height because I was a good 3 inches taller than him. The profile picture must have been 10 years old.
I’m 50, is there any use me looking on PoF or am I best to (pay) and join another site like match? In my age group they either look way older than me, or are way out of my league

@bangheadhere40 it sounds harsh, but meeting someone in real life isn't really that scary so if he's so terrified of that, then it doesn't say much for his overall self-confidence.

If you're happy with a virtual friend then it's down to you entirely, but this "online thing" you have is just in his head.

@Mylifestartstoday. There seem to be a lot of good looking men around the age 50 mark on tinder.

@bangheadhere40 you either need to meet him or block and move on. It’s scary meeting people in the way a job interview or something like that is but as a lot of us have said before you are getting nothing from an online chat apart from maybe feeling flattered

@Jane1978xx i thought tinder was just for casual hookups?

@cat true, glad you have dates set up too.

I am going to take others advice with Mr Smile and not chase at all from now on, if he can't be bothered to plan stuff then I'm certainly not going to.

@Mylifestartstoday I've just signed up to PoF and as a guy I really don't like it, so probably won't be on there for long. Far too many spammers. No one I know who does OLD uses it either. Everyone I know has used Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and Happn.

I think most people try Tinder, in addition to other apps so that's always a good one to join first.

I find the same - the women I get matched with are mostly not my type, but keep at it - all it takes is finding that one person.

@jane mr straight says he does want to and he will sort something out. I'm not holding my breath.

@mylife I would recommend tinder over pof

@Undecidedsofa I do live in a massive city ... just not London! I must have already rejected all the Bumble men within a 60 mile radius!

@Jane1978xx POF was the first site I used and I was absolutely overwhelmed by messages from creeps (some really quite disturbing ones and a lot of cringe 'hey sweetie/babe' nonsense.) I did end up with one date (Mr please admire this photo of my much younger ex) and two penpals but I found it both overwhelming and depressing. Maybe if I hid my profile I could try again but there were still a load of Potato Heads.

@bangheadhere40 he sounds socially awkward... does he think you are just happy to message him forever? That's not really a thing is it? Mr Three was like that and I was starting to like him but kept telling myself it wasn't real unless we met. Then deleted him.

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn how do you spot a catfish? I have suspicious thoughts about ones who are unfeasibly handsome but 'want a serious relationship ' are American, or have very vague or no profile details. What else?

Regret binning Mr Dreads now but really, really didn't want anyone to invade my gym

I'm going to delete my Bumble Boost and it's Beeline of Bores and clean my kitchen....

@Mylifestartstoday why do they lie about height??? I mean so weird, like you won't notice when they stand up and come up to your chin? I'm short and don't care but seem to attract men who are 6 ft 5. Which would be ridiculous!

@Mylifestartstoday No it’s a range of people and they often write what they want and you can gauge from chat as well. Generally I’d they write about their career and interests they are looking for proper dating.

@uttersocks I always have my Pof on hidden and do a search or nearby and mesage people (they see you then) . So I get no messages off random people.

@Jane1978xx you are wilier than me by far! To be fair POF was my first attempt and I was very ill equipped to deal with it.

(I did look on GSM but as someone else said on here it was full of truly dreadful men who nevertheless all thought they deserved women 10 to 15 years younger than them)

Well in the name of equality, I've suggested meeting for a coffee/drink to someone I've been chatting to on Bumble for a few days, and get on well with and she's agreed - so just need to find a suitable date/location :)

So that's 1 confirmed date, 1 provisional and one invite - not bad for 2020 so far :)

As for cat fishing - I'm unfeasibly handsome (so my mother tells me ) but am genuinely looking for a long term relationship. I hope I've not been putting people off hahaha

I can understand people lying about their age, job, marriage status etc... as you could conceivably get away with that. But height? How on earth do they think they'd explain that one away?!?

@Mylifestartstoday there's no such thing as someone being out of your league!

@UtterSocks I'm on tinder and bumble- I wish tinder would give the option to verify like bumble cos that's helpful.

I automatically assume the really good looking ones with very little written and no instagram linked are catfish. It's very hard to spot at times though. I go careful with the conversations I have and always arrange meeting somewhere public as the worse that can happen is the expected person doesn't turn up.

I don't like giving out my number. I will sometimes give people my snapchat. Most guys have wanted a selfie quite quickly and have sent one back to confirm identity so I suppose Snapchat is useful.

@UtterSocks anyone I messaged always responded (I think I know my level if that makes sense). Down the convos dried up or we didn’t get on and others I met up with

Pleased you’re getting dates set up thecat

Thanks notcool I’m trying not to overthink.

bangshead really doesn’t say much for his self confidence does it? I would honestly move on. Even if he does finally arrange to meet and you do like each other he is miles away.

mylife I would also suggest tinder. Lots of people on there looking for relationships.

I deleted soulmates. I am free of dating and it feels like a weight off. I can get on with my life....I'll meet someone sooner or later but I'm not in the right headspace currently. Will stay on the thread though... I can't leave you lot ❤️

Oh and you can take bets as to how long I stay off the apps...

On PoF I’ve had loads of weird messages. I had someone wanting to be friends with benefits, I’m no looker, but he is deluded if he thinks that his profile picture will get him a FWB.

I don’t know why he lied about his height, but he’s definitely not as tall as he said, I even went back in his profile when he went to the toilet to double check and he should have been 2 inches taller than me when he was actually 2 inches shorter

I’ve not met a man yet who told the truth on height 😂 . They always ask me if I’m
Very tall as I’m the same height as them in a small heel. Nope 5 6 and a 2 inch heel so you are not 6 foot 😂

Height is my bug bear too, I'm 5'5", and if I wear a 3 inch heel we shouldn't be at eye level if you're 6ft!

Do they really believe they are the height they say or just hope you won't notice or mind. Relief floods through me if they are actually tall when we first meet ..... then it's the voice

Although to be fair I normally sift that first in a phone call and speaking of which I have one scheduled now ... fingers crossed