Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

@Chochito no I never meet anyone in real life

Thanks for the good wishes @LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn and no not at all - I’m saying I haven’t, not wouldn’t haha. Just don’t have the time/empty house/inclination so far 🤣 Plus I’m avoidant, remember?

@UtterSocks the empty house is a problem 😂 I've found back seats of cars very useful.... one lad I was seeing had a van which was perfect 😂

I love a first date snog! If I like him, I like him, and I want to find out how he kisses asap.

I kissed Mr G in a bar in our first date and it went very well....we ended up sleeping together. Never done that before, though.

He's back in the country in a couple of weeks and he wants to go do some sightseeing his first weekend. I'm going to drive over to him at least once or twice during the week so we can spend the evening together, too. The gaps between meeting up are hard; moreso now I've gotten so attached to him, but he's such a great person it's worth it.

Hmmm, dancemom, not sure what to suggest. I don't want to sound patronising or overly optimistic, and, as you know, I've never done OLD. But - and feel free to ignore - what about a casual coffee or quick drink with someone who you do chat to on one of the apps? Just to see if there's a spark. It must be hard via electronic profiles to feel whether you really click with someone.

My first dates have been in the day but I’ve usually had a snog.

Oooh Marl sounds good - fingers crossed he gets in touch to see you again. And that there is snoggage I think my first dates were about 50/50 snogging/not snogging. What did you wear in the end?

Undecided I live an hour and 45 minutes from Mr BC (he lives in the middle of bloody nowhere and I live in Zone 4 in London). I work and am out of the house 12 hours or more a day - he is more like 14 to 16 hours a day, plus overseas travel for work. Neither of us has dependant children though, but we have the usual life admin to do. We make it work, so I think you could, too. Mind you, I've never dated anyone who lived just round the corner!

shitwith the burgundy sounds nice - am excited for you!

@Sosounhappy. Do you mean he had some sort of ED (which may be nerves or something can be done) or his general actions and attitude - again may be nerves but he may not realise he was doing something you didn’t enjoy

Yes ED which he said is normal

Aha being stuck at home I paid a couple of quid to see who was in my Bumble beeline and half of them were from bloody London, WTAF? Do they just allow this despite your filters or what? I'm far too lazy and busy for that. Also I am trying to find the bit in my profile where I said "I like really ugly men who can't spell or use the correct form of 'there/their' and are fond of cliches". Nope, not there ...

Yeah ED is normal and common and it’s not a reflection on his desire for you. It’s not something i know a lot about other than that but If you are both willing to work on it then it shouldn’t be a deal breaker

@UtterSocks I think it’s the mans settings and not yours. I never had any luck on bumble at all 😂 not even one message back. But on PoF i did get a number of reasonable men

@BatshitCrazyWoman I think 1 hr 45 is more realistic than 90 mins for the travel time to Mr Popcorn, too.
How often do you and Mr BC. See each other?

Re first date snogging, I never have- would have liked to on a couple of occasions but it never happened, I guess because a next date hadn’t been arranged so there was uncertainty?
@UtterSocks, I didn’t get on with Bumble at all, and it paid no attention to the filters I put down either. I think it could be great if you live in a big city..?

And on Pof anyone I’ve ever spoke to, met or I am now ‘seeing’ weren’t matches or anything just people i messaged or messaged me

batshit pleather jeans, green blouse, lots of bangles!

I think when I started old last Feb I didn’t know what I wanted so sexted and dtd on date 1 with a few so this date felt..chaste. Maybe better though now I know I’m looking for something more like a proper relationship?

We will see. If he asks again I will see him but if he doesn’t I had a nice time and feel better about finishing Mr Big as I can fancy other people.

I need to walk into city centre to get my car. I might take a book and go grab some brunch on my own. You never know what could happen.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 glad you are feeling more relaxed today. He said he had a nice time and wanted to see you again. So I'm sure he will be in touch. And as you say it's a nice step away for you. Away from Mr Big.

On first date snogs, I have kissed all of those that I went on to have a second date with. In a bar/pub, outside the pub waiting for an Uber, by my car. Compatible kissing is an important ✔️ for me.

I'm thinking the momentum may go with mr smile now....I think I need someone who wants to plan things, not just see how things go and I need to feel a bit more liked.

I'm going back to swipe for now.

I'm at the edge of giving up on OLD. everyone just wants to text, I don't get it!

@CheesecakeAddict I feel the same.

Tired of talking on Snapchat too and nothing ever coming of it. I might be meeting the potential fwb tomorrow evening- I think he's more a potential fb tbf. He is really good looking and definitely what I'd be attracted to so it might work short term. I was thinking of having that kind of arrangement whilst looking for something more like a relationship. But what's the point. No one wants to talk,

Chatting to another guy on tinder but he is good looking and seems to be wanting more than just a shag so I'm wondering if he's catfish....

@bangheadhere40 that maybe is just his pace of life I wouldn’t give up on him if you like him based on him seeming not overly keen

Outfit sounds lovely Marl. And yes, who knows what will happen when you are enigmatically having brunch and reading ....!

At first I saw Mr BC once a week - now it's more like two as he works in central London so I can meet him after work. And we've been away for lots of weekends.

@cheesecake this is the main problem on old..I don't understand it.

I'm also not sure what to make of this. Remember Mr Straight, he messaged me saying he wants to meet me but he is scared of me not liking him and he doesn't want to ruin what we have, as I like him online, and he's scared I won't in person. He said that is what is holding him back.

I'm more into mr smile now, but maybe both aren't right!

Looks like I've got a date arranged to meet up with Miss Runner next week after work. And have been getting on well with another woman the last couple of days, but although she's been OLD for a while hasn't been on any dates as apparently most of the guys she has matched with are weird, so I don't want to rush into suggesting a coffee or drink but will ask her this weekend I think.

I also sent a short but fun message to Miss Confusing last night (I know, I know!) and she read and replied virtually straight away after receiving it. I'm going to take that as a good sign, and see if things progress but also will date other people and just see what happens.

As for kissing on a first date - it has happened a couple of times, but I'm a bit shy and usually wait until the moment seems right (which is probably too late!). My view is that I'd do more harm in going for a snog too early than too late, and as I'm looking for something long-term ideally, I'm happy to wait and be patient. I've definitely liked someone and not tried to snog them though, so just because a guy doesn't try to kiss you doesn't necessarily mean he isn't in to you (at least if it's me you're out with!)