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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

999 replies

Chochito · 03/01/2020 21:15

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

OP posts:
TigsytheTiger · 10/01/2020 16:58

@bangheadhere40 not a huge red flag, maybe an amber one to watch?

We've all got so many barriers, and past experiences that rightly so, in many ways there are lots of boundaries and expectations around the correct way to do things/say things but there are always exceptions - I think it's a combination of factors that wave red flags rather than just one thing. He could just have been overcome with emotion and blurted it out Smile

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/01/2020 16:58

Remind me how long it's been bang? Not sure I believe in love at first sight - I think that's lust 😕

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/01/2020 17:00

Hmmm not sure it's love, but he may well really like you!

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:02

Met him 3 times...we get on so well. He has been married and had lots of ltr so seems sensible enough. Just a little scared, but I think he is serious.

shitwithsugaron · 10/01/2020 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/01/2020 17:18

shitwith don't tell her anything! I wouldn't dream of saying anything like that to my adult DC!

Menora I'm also 'charming' - it's very helpful to get along with people and my job depends on it!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/01/2020 17:19

Snazzy I agree with the others - how many times have you cancelled him? He'll give up asking eventually - either go and meet him or stop chatting to him and let him move on.

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:21

@snazzy it was me who has had this done, and it is horrible, please don't leas him on.

SnazzyLump · 10/01/2020 17:21

I suggested meeting halfway, he says he cant afford the train. Yes its definitely the travel I am a nervous driver and the thought of driving puts me off, I think I'm trying talk myself out of it and obviously maybe nervous too! We get on so well and I'm just being an idiot

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 10/01/2020 17:22

bangshead well I am massively guarded but to me after 3 dates would be a red flag. You don’t know each other. You have been very wobbly about Mr Straight. Don’t be pressured lovely

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:25

@marlborough thanks, I didn't say it back as I don't love him. I fancy him and like him but not love. I am a little guarded, especially when people say things too early.

Menora · 10/01/2020 17:26

Mr Smile is going very fast! I would just go careful. It is lust!

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:27

@menora I know it's lust..I'm quite rational though. Should I tell him it's just lust?

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:28

He's quite sensible though...I'm not doubting he thinks he is in love with me.

TigerDater · 10/01/2020 17:34

banghead the fact he’s had ‘lots’ of ltr kind of amplifies the amber flag for me - possibly a classic falls fast/ends quick kind of guy? Have you DTD yet!

TigerDater · 10/01/2020 17:34

Sorry, not shouting, that should have been ? not !

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:36

Well no was married 11 years and 2 ltr I think since split 10 years ago.

No not dtd !

unambiguousbeard · 10/01/2020 17:36

@bangheadhere40 I would be running for the hills but then I was in a relationship where we both only felt safe enough to say the l word when it ended.

What if you tell him it's lust?

PerfectPretender · 10/01/2020 17:36

It really depends. I'll be honest, Mr G blurted out his feelings very early on - about six weeks after we first started chatting. I guess the whole dynamics of our situation lends itself to fast forwarding a bit. It freaked me out a bit and I pretended I didn't hear him Blush But his actions remained respectful and guided entirely by my place/comfort level. I spoke to him on the phone after that night (BlushBlush) and said I wasn't ready to return the sentiment and I was worried how that would make him feel, would things be awkward, etc. He said his feelings weren't dependent on my reciprocation, and he wouldn't say it again until I was ready. (He actually blurted it out again the last time we were together but I was ready to say it back so that was nice)

I think he is just the sort of person who is comfortable with himself, knows himself, and isn't afraid to express his emotions. I have been very observant of his behaviour and checked in a few times with my friends to get their pov, and the prevailing view was that he wasn't love bombing, he just sorta fell head over heels. I never expected it, I still don't really know what to do with that, the responsibility of someone else's feelings is quite overwhelming, but I just take it one day at a time and enjoy being with someone who is smitten with me. He's a good man, and I'm happy. I try to remain cautious in many respects, but we can't really know anyone fully, can we? Relationships are a bit of a gamble.

@bangheadhere40 I'd keep a close eye on his behaviour, let some trusted friends know what's going on, and see what happens.

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:37

I don't know much apart from he was married for 11years split 10 years ago and had 2 relationships since.

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:38

@perfect sounds similar, he wasn't wanting me to say it back but is very kind and respectful

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:39

And he knows what he wants I think, I quite like his direct ness but also worried about love bombing

unambiguousbeard · 10/01/2020 17:40

I am en route to see mr Unsuitable to get some work done. It's weird doing the journey to his place. And it'll be weird visiting. I am determined not toDTD. There's no point as I don't want a relationship with him. I actually want us to be friends if we can. I love him but I don't know in what capacity. I'd like to always know him. Although when he meets someone new who knows...

Also we can't DTD as he doesn't have the means to shower... 😁 for those who remember

bangheadhere40 · 10/01/2020 17:41

And we've only really kissed so far...and a bit if fondling but nothing more

shitwithsugaron · 10/01/2020 17:43

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