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Original poster

AIBU to be amazed how people find new partners

288 replies

PotteryLottery · 28/12/2019 11:49

A couple with teen kids split up and are both now with new people, within the year.

If that were me, I know I'd be single for some time, if not forever.

How do they do it???

OP posts:
Chihaha · 28/12/2019 11:51

I wonder this constantly. Are some people just designed to be serially monogamous?

MozzchopsThirty · 28/12/2019 11:54

Maybe you don't know until you're in that situation
Maybe they're lonely?

Lots reasons

BaronessBomburst · 28/12/2019 11:56

You'd be single because of the children, or single because you can't imagine going into another relationship so quickly?

herbsmokedchicken · 28/12/2019 11:59

I always wonder this, not in terms of how they moved on so fast or anything, just how they find someone else so fast. There’s not a huge dating pool here but I know loads of people who have met new people very quickly whereas I was single for years before meeting exDP and god knows when I’ll manage to land someone else! I’m assuming the issue is with me, not them, but how do they do it! I was thinking this just yesterday actually. Where are they finding these people?

managedmis · 28/12/2019 12:00

Low standards?

DeeZastris · 28/12/2019 12:00

Some people seem to bounce back really quickly. I’m not sure I could be arsed with it.

Peoplearemiserable · 28/12/2019 12:01

I don’t understand people that jump from relationship to relationship either. Especially when they have kids and ship the next partner (stranger) straight into their homes. Some people just can’t bear to be alone and settle for anybody. My ex was exactly like this, every relationship was either back to back or overlapped. It’s a massive red flag to me now!

SouthernFreeez · 28/12/2019 12:01

I can't imagine meeting someone unless online as a single parent who is in an all female workplace. Online dating fills me with dread

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 28/12/2019 12:03

I’m a lone parent and have been single for almost 10 years. I simply cannot get out to meet people. I guess people who have a new partner quickly must be able to get out a lot.

mynameiswah · 28/12/2019 12:04

I've never understood it either. I was single for 8 years before I met my partner. If we were to break up now I know I would be single for a long while again.

TigerDater · 28/12/2019 12:08

I totally get this. Just where do you meet people??? But also, why just the one? I was monogamous with one man for 30 years, took two years to recover from separation/divorce then went online dating. I’m no longer monogamous, I have three lovers who each give me very different things. I can’t imagine having just one partner again, it feels fake to me. But I know plenty for whom it’s not fake and who are serial, jumping from one to the next. Each to their own I guess. It’s all a total and utter mystery to me.

Havetobamechangeforthisone · 28/12/2019 12:12

I think some people.just have incredibly low standards.

Or they are just so 'middle of the road' and mainstream that they have little about them that might clash with others.

Either way, I don't see it as being a positive thing.

formerbabe · 28/12/2019 12:15

Sometimes luck...sometimes low standards as a pp said.

Aja838 · 28/12/2019 12:19

We were not married, no kids, not dating for that long but my ex moved on in under a week 🙅‍♀️

SunshineAngel · 28/12/2019 12:21

If they jumped into new relationships straight away, it makes me wonder how long their relationship had been over for, and whether they were staying together "for the kids" until they were old enough to take care of themselves.. so they might have been talking to these new partners for much longer than people think.

MakeItRain · 28/12/2019 12:21

I think for some people being in a relationship is very important. I'm sure that must subconsciously affect their interactions with people they meet. I've been single for years and years and have no desire whatsoever to enter into another relationship. I'm sure that means I subconsciously give out no "interested" vibes or ever pick up on anyone's interest in me. I also work in a mostly female environment and don't get out much though, so I can't imagine sifting through a load of admirers even if I were up for a relationship. Grin

RedskyAtnight · 28/12/2019 12:25

I think it's down to personality. When I was in my teens/early twenties, there were definitely a split between those people who moved from relationship to relationship, and those who tended to be single for longer periods between relationships. This is the same thing, just a different stage of life!

lanbro · 28/12/2019 12:38

I find it incredible...I've been on my own for over 2 years now and I've no inclination to actively look for someone, quite happy doing my own thing. An acquaintance who split with her h of over 10 years, 3 dc, had moved a new bf in with her dc within a couple of months. Random man off tinder, not even someone she knew before. They're engaged despite her not even being divorced, and apparently he doesn't treat her very well. Can only presume she'd rather be with anyone than on her own, quite sad.

Having escaped from an emotionally abusive relationship there is no way on earth I'm rushing back into something new, my dc are still young and they are my priority. I spent the majority of my 20s single before I met xh, will likely be another decade anyway before I find someone I'm remotely interested in!

Original poster
PotteryLottery · 28/12/2019 12:44

It is the fact that they clicked with someone who was also looking.

What are the chances???

OP posts:
Cuppaand2biscuits · 28/12/2019 12:46

I always think that about people and the people I'm thinking of have young children. If you'd just got rid of one useless man the last thing you would want is another! But I suppose if you've been feeling undervalued and neglected then you might be searching for something special

Redcrayons · 28/12/2019 12:50

5 years for me, mostly for not having the time to get out and meet people. Last time I was single was 25 years ago, all my friends are married and I wouldn’t know where to start.

JacquesHammer · 28/12/2019 12:52

I’m single (by choice), have been for almost 6 years.

I get asked out pretty regularly - I guess people meet people in all manner of circumstances.

madcatladyforever · 28/12/2019 12:52

As someone else said low standards. I'm sure I could have a new relationship every week if I was on dating sites but I'm fussy.

nex18 · 28/12/2019 12:53

You know nothing about their relationships before they separated. Although my marriage ended in 2017, I know really that it was over for me in 2010, I was unhappy all those years. I had in reality been managing the house, kids, finances etc single handedly all that time because ex had gradually withdrawn from family life. So our split was emotional at the time but actually I had gone through a lot of the processing the end of my marriage before then.
I met someone a lot earlier than I imagined (after about 8 months) because an online date lead to more. I was really just planning to meet some people and get out of the house! I was definitely lucky!

TimetohittheroadJack · 28/12/2019 12:54

I met someone else about 6 months after leaving my husband. I was neither desperate, unhappy being single or had low standards. And my children did and still do remain my priority.

I met him in the pub when I was out on a hen night. He took my number and we dated (ie went out most Saturdays) for about a year before introducing each other to respective families.