AIBU to be amazed how people find new partners

[PotteryLottery]

A couple with teen kids split up and are both now with new people, within the year.

If that were me, I know I'd be single for some time, if not forever.

How do they do it???

I went through a phase of telling friends I really wanted to meet someone and a few took me up on the challenge, but then they never actually thought of anyone who would work for me! It seems odd - someone has to know someone!!

The friend/relative of friends route works brilliantly in 20s and 30s, not at all in your 50s. In fact most of my married female friends have effectively dropped me from mixed sex occasions, presumably because they think I can’t keep my hands off their gorgeous husbands 😂😂😂

TigerDater... I have noticed the same, when I was younger my friends took me in as a little pet as I was on my own, from my 40s onwards... I’m not sure if I am a bad influence for the wives in the eyes of the husbands but I’m sure that a good few that got a bit wary of having me around

Now thinking of that, I suppose asking friends to find you a boyfriend works also better on your 20s because you are more adaptable and willing to take risks. When I met my exH it wasn’t a problem that we were Working in different countries... last time looking, my OLD settings
were “less than 15 miles away“

idiot yes, I think the husbands are a bit worried that I’ll give their wives ideas; as it was me who called time on my useless husband, they don’t want to be next for the heave-ho!

Yeh i can confirm that that doesnt work!! When you're young, there's always a single friend on both sides.

the exception to this rule that it doesnt work past 40 is if you are extremely attractive, people want to help if you would have found somebody anyway. I noticed that when there was another single mum friend of mine who was frequently told dave/steve/mike will be there on his own so please come!!

I noticed a similar phenomenon when i was unemployed; the desire to offer to network/ ask favours/ask their husband and generally be extremely helpful to a very prettywoman with recent experience, relevant qualifations and no money worries was amazing! I noticed this Thing, where people fall over themsrlves to help thosr those who will do it with or without their help. Fewers offers of help to more ordinary women trying to get back to workplace after longish gap, or with no degree, more distant past experience, no contacts.. She gets no help!

I found a job. I found a man to date there actually. (Not a partner and never will be but a "fuck buddy").

i just agree that telling people i was open to being set up did not work at all. Oh yes, i forgot, one friend did tell me about a single man she worked with. He was ten years older and looked really haggard, badly groomed and set in his ways.

Altho i know he must have had some redeeming features if she counted him as a friend. And he had a job...

Anyway, i declined that set up. And nobody ever tried again as i was so ungrateful i guess!

If I was willing to "let go" of my independence, willing to let a man move in with me, prepared to be in a 1950's style relationship with me the woman catering to my man I would have had several be relationship's, probably been engaged, married and divorced at least three times over the last 10 years.

C’mon, in these times of gender equality if you leave your husband, the last thing you do is getting another person that doesn’t pull his weight around the house.

I have not seen a single man expecting that for ages, but then, I am not dating 20 year olds just out of mummy’s house.

@NurseButtercup that is so true! Anybody can have a man if they just accept that!!

I've been single for years, if Mr Perfect For Me landed on my sofa by magic I'd have a relationship. But it's so far down the list of my priorities that I put zero effort into meeting someone.

I wonder if people who meet nice people quickly are very sorted emotionally, physically, financially with lots of confidence?

People can fall into stereotypical categories, e.g. chauvinistic man and submissive woman, but I don't think that's so common anymore. On OLD at the first suggestion of inequality I would block and if it came up in dating I would walk away.

I didn't need to give up independence to find a partner, but I did need to meet lots of single men over years to find one I liked. I think that's fair enough, the right person will not magically drop out of the air. Maybe it helped that I found dating fun and like meeting new people.

That independence thing... I never let go of my independence, not when I was married, not as a divorced woman. Interestingly, it is that independence that self sufficient men seem to find more attractive.

OP, I think these sorts of people put themselves right out there and make themselves available. I read a lot of threads, try the dating one, where the woman are literally back on the horse in about 5minutes, then meet the love of their life and so on, meeting their kids really quickly. They don't waste any time moping and really don't want to be single. If you don't want to be single, you have to put yourself out there like that.