AIBU to be amazed how people find new partners

[PotteryLottery]

A couple with teen kids split up and are both now with new people, within the year.

If that were me, I know I'd be single for some time, if not forever.

How do they do it???

I do genuinely like sex but I don’t want to have ONS. Damn me and my brain I need some emotional connection 😂

Yeah, I am also very selective, and in many ways really eccentric, absolutely not mainstream at all. "Conventional" men find me horrifying and upsetting tbh.

I'm just a slut who loves getting to know/ being around folk. Stands to reason I end up in relationships most of the time. It just works out that way

I have got more mainstream with age, but god, I was a proper eccentric in times past

Such lovely freedom. These days even my house is beige!

Fuck off with your 'low standards' comments

I'm also not mainstream. I've been described as eccentric, as odd, as kookie, and as quirky. I don't look mainstream either, and my interests definitely aren't. I am though apparently attractive, I am slim, I do look after myself. I am shy, bored by small talk, not particularly easy to approach and I don't settle for or suffer fools. I've never been single for more than a few weeks. I've had 3 long relationships and I'm married.

I have friends who are stunning, attractive, sweet natured, and friendly who struggle to find or keep a relationship. why?

I sometimes think I've been lucky, that's all.

@Scarsthelot

*Doesnt make me superior. Neither being in a couple or being single makes you better.

But some people here are so smug with the competitive singleness

Imagine a thread saying 'people who are single are just saddos who cant get anyone's which is what the 'low standards' comments come across as.*

Yes exactly. I didn't think of this until you said it. Perhaps I should start a thread about how long-term single people are unrealistic and fussy, wanting to date their imaginary ideals instead of accepting real human beings, flaws and all. Suspect I'd get slammed for that somehow!

Some people do have low standards though. If that bothers you, maybe some introspection would be helpful.

Otherwise why would you assume the comment refers to all people in couples.

Define low standards. Who decided that some partners are not valid? Are some people in the world just not good enough to deserve to be in a relationship?

Are you trying to say that some of these posts aren't from people with their smug judgey pants on?

Some peopledohave low standards though. If that bothers you, maybe some introspection would be helpful

And some smug single arent smug at all. They hate it. They just cant get anybody interested enough in them. 🤷‍♀️

If course some people have low standards. Some single people have low standards for a shag.

The point is, speculating about why people arenr single for long and being derogatory about it, only seems to be ok one way. And of course any singles that pointed out its twattish behaviour, to do this, must need to look at themselves and realise they arent happy....by your logic.

I loved being single. I just love dp more. No need for self reflection. If me and DP split I would be more than happy single again.

I still think its piss poor single smugness, the fact that people want to talk down people they know makes me suspect the smugness is a cover up.

Who decided that some partners are not valid?

Well when they make their partners miserable yet are preferable to being alone. Ironically I know a couple like this who always commiserate with me being alone

Are some people in the world just not good enough to deserve to be in a relationship?

How did you get that? Everyone should be with a decent partner. Nobody should settle because the alternative is singledom.

The point is, speculating about why people arenr single for long and being derogatory about it, only seems to be ok one way

Derogatory or factual?

I am talking solely about people I know.

I often think this. XH was my first proper boyfriend. Now-DH is someone I already knew and our relationship changed over the years.

But I’ve never been eyed up, chatted up, asked out when out and about. Even when I was young and gorgeous. I think I give off ‘fuck you’ vibes, while everyone around me seems to be beating potential suitors off with a shitty stick.

It’s not that I want male attention, but it would be nice to know I’m not entirely repellent

@JacquesHammer
How can you be factual when it is your subjective opinion?

Define a 'decent' partner? Do we all have to abide by your preferences in partners now, lest you judge them not worthy?

I'm a single mum and don't know how people do it either. My ex met someone within weeks of splitting with me. My friend met someone the very weekend she split with her husband and he met her kids within days. I have been single for two years now, very selective and also wouldn't dream of introducing my kids to different men. But that seems to be the only way.

How can you be factual when it is your subjective opinion?

Because the couple of people in question have told me. It’s their opinion. Not mine.

Define a 'decent' partner?

Not a dick. It’s simple.

Do we all have to abide by your preferences in partners now, lest you judge them not worthy?

Yeah that’s what I said.

Suspect a teensy case of nerves being hit here. Oh dear.

I know so many people who have jumped into relationships quickly after a break up / divorce and soon learn to regret it.
Some people just can't be ok on their own.
I get this , but it seems a minefield.

I always wondered this too. Maybe it's why relationships don't work out because people move on too quickly.

It puzzles me as well. I used to know a couple of people that couldn't be alone for a second. They didn't cheat, but once they split from someone there would be a new partner on the scene within a month. Some people are just incapable of being alone. It does make me think in some cases that they've just taken the first person who comes along, and with some I've seen I'm sure that's the case.

For me if I ever split up with my husband I don't plan to ever repartner! I'll enjoy only having me to look after!!!!

We are social animals. Primates bond into pairs and groups, it's how we survived millennia. Surely the idea that folk can remain alone is way weirder

I fall into relationships easily. No sooner am I single then I find I'm attracted to someone. I think it's ok to have a little snog and 6 months later we're living together. I've had lots of 3 or 4 yr relationships. Usually that's how long it takes for the mask to well and truly come off then I think what the hell have I done and dump them. I plan to stay single for a long time when I get rid of the current arsehole

Mentally my marriage was over around 2 years before it actually was.

I dated reasonably quickly afterwards. Met my now husband within a year. Together nearly 7 years now.

You don't know how it'll be until it is.

I think people land somewhere between can never be on their own to can’t live or share with anyone.

The first lot are very compromising and socially interact well with people. The latter are not compromising and don’t easily share space physically and mentally.

The saddest relationship is one between two people at either extreme. I feel really sorry for those who really don’t to share or compromise but feel compelled to conform to a social norm of having another half. I feel even sorrier for those with them.

I think there are a lot of people in between who do things in their own time and their own way.

I think two people who need a partner or OH finding each other is fine. They are probably well matched.

Some people do have low standards though. If that bothers you, maybe some introspection would be helpful.

I have seen far lower standards on people over committed on keeping marriages going and someway they are not judged that badly.

I guess it is the curse of the single mother/divorced woman, someway people assume you are doing crap choices if you manage to have a happy life after splitting up.

rvby "Surely the idea that folk can remain alone is way weirder"

Yeah I don't especially disagree with that. In my life, I am the lone long term single person in a sea of married/ltr people. But I have two options:

1. Dating and all the scrutiny/embarrassment/disappointment/humiliation that entails, with no guarantees of any success and every chance of another/more heartbreak.
2. Get on with life as I am: mid-40s, perennially single, and accept that's my lot.

One is a lot easier, safer and reliable than the other. Yes it is shit to grow old with nobody loving you/to love, but it's less shit than the first option, so

I find relationships really hard work,.claustrophobic and effortful. I loved both my husbands but between marriages I was fine being single, it was wanting a child more than anything got me meeting dh. We were happy enough.

Since dh died I've had an insane sex drive and much prefer ONS, plus I have some longer term text sex buddies. I find it lovely how many not very interesting and not very good looking men are absolute dynamite in the sack. I hope I'm in that category too. But I guess to my family (well my.mother) I am resolutely single.