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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU to be amazed how people find new partners

288 replies

PotteryLottery · 28/12/2019 11:49

A couple with teen kids split up and are both now with new people, within the year.

If that were me, I know I'd be single for some time, if not forever.

How do they do it???

OP posts:
selmabear · 28/12/2019 12:59

I was alone for 3 years. Wasnt looking, I met my now DP on a night out, we got talking and the rest is history.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 28/12/2019 13:03

A neighbour of mine is like this. Settles for the first man to show an interest, unfortunately at the detriment of her children.
I'm a single mum too and would never do this to my children.

Menora · 28/12/2019 13:04

Dating with small kids and dating with teens are completely different
I often don’t see my teenagers the whole weekend. Also most of my friends are married and have their own family. There is only so many weekends you spend with your dog/ferrying teenagers around before you begin to think hmm... maybe it would be nice to meet someone

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 28/12/2019 13:04

I’d been single for a couple of months after splitting from my ex but when I moved to a different part of the country for work, I met my DH on the first day in the new job. I definitely wasn’t looking for any relationship but we got chatting as he was showing me around and then took me to lunch. It turned out that we had shared interests and we've been together over 16 years now. DH had been single for 7 years before that (by choice) as he was a widower with older teens.

Many of my friends are on second marriages and I’d say they’re fussier second time around and definitely didn’t settle for just anyone.

RightOnTheEdge · 28/12/2019 13:05

I wonder sometimes how I would ever meet someone if I wanted to.
I'm a single mum with two primary age dc. I have no family where I live and get no help from their dad.
I just go to work do the school run and go home.
People ask me if I've met anyone "Ooh anyone new on the scene?" and I just think how?

I can't even imagine it to be honest, I don't think I've got the energy to think about another person and I'm happy the way things are, but I do worry about the dc growing up and hope I won't end up lonely in the future.

My sister is never single. As soon as one relationship ends she starts another. I've no idea where she meets them all.
For some reason she can't be on her own.
My cousin has, also been stuck with a man she can't stand for years rather than be alone.
I don't understand it.

plumpmom · 28/12/2019 13:05

I always wonder this. I have no idea how to find somebody else!!

Menora · 28/12/2019 13:06

You pretty much have to online date

NemophilistRebel · 28/12/2019 13:06

Rebound gone wrong? (As in worked out?)

NameChangeNugget · 28/12/2019 13:07

Every one has different wants, needs and expectations.

NemophilistRebel · 28/12/2019 13:08

As soon as I left my a suite ex I seemed to join online dating

Not for finding people but because I’d had 10 years of being told I was fat and ugly so was at my lowest of lows and thought I had nothing to lose

What it actually did was give me the biggest confidence boost of my life, realise my worth, chuck in the online dating and find someone who would be good enough

Pieceofpurplesky · 28/12/2019 13:14

I have three friends like this who have all hot in to new relationships in a short space of time. They have now all been with these new people for 3 years, 5 years and 7 years.

They all met online and therefore met people looking to be in a relationship. All met some weirdos first though (think dick
pics and lies). Then they met the decent man who was looking for a partner. I would say that none of my friends would have clicked with these men if they met them in a bar or elsewhere. However after a sea of online shit these men seemed amazing.
I think that all three have good relationships but none of them filled with passion. One has in my had sex twice with her partner. Another hates his kids. All three wanted to be in a relationship and be stable - interestingly all their exes were in relationships too.

I also have a friend who met her partner online and they are madly in love.

I am long time single and probably will be forever. So what do I know? My overall impression is that the desire to be in a couple is, for some, more important than being in love.

paintedpanda · 28/12/2019 13:15

I completely agree! I was single for 5 years after my split with exH before I met DP. Everyone said it would just happen but it never did. I didn't even know any single men before I met DP.

JacquesHammer · 28/12/2019 13:16

My overall impression is that the desire to be in a couple is, for some, more important than being in love

I agree. I think societal pressure is to blame.

Pieceofpurplesky · 28/12/2019 13:17

Totally jaques I am always being asked if I have met someone, if I have tried online, if I want to find someone. The answer is that I am ok on my own.

FruitcakeOfHate · 28/12/2019 13:21

Just read the Relationships board. A lot of it is very low standards and the feeling that being single is to be avoided at all costs, inability to be happy in one's own company and label everyone they date as a 'partner' 5 minutes into it.

Ronnie27 · 28/12/2019 13:23

I agree, it’s sometimes someone who has been on the scene for a long time as a “friend” while the marriage has been dead / ending. Then as soon as they are officially separated the coast is clear for this new person to pop up as the new partner.

Curiousmum69 · 28/12/2019 13:27

Sometimes marriages/relationships can be over long before the actual separation.

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/12/2019 13:29

Rock bottom low standards

ForalltheSaints · 28/12/2019 13:30

I'm sure that for many in this situation it is low standards, or at least lower standards than the OP.

Itsjustmee · 28/12/2019 13:30

My friends daughter split up with her boyfriend but they were still living together as they had a rental contract and couldn’t get out of it .
Within days both were on tinder with new dates and both had new partners within a month
I doubt if they even had time to change the bed sheets for the new partner to lie on 🥺

NemophilistRebel · 28/12/2019 13:31

By Mumsnet standard the sheets would have been changed at least 3 times Grin

NemophilistRebel · 28/12/2019 13:33

In my situation - relationship long since dead before ending officially

Wanted a pick me up and was inquisitive as to what was online.

Ended up falling for someone I had already known as friends .

To the outside world maybe people thought I had issues or low standards but I’m now remarried with children and my DH now is a 100% improvement

BentNeckLady · 28/12/2019 13:34

People aren’t very choosy it seem! I’ve got friends who go from one relationship to the next with barely time time for a sleep in between them 🤮

If anything were to happen to my marriage I’d stay perpetually single.

TheVanguardSix · 28/12/2019 13:35

I hear you OP. I think a lot of people settle and just have to be with someone. A lot of people are afraid of being alone. I think time alone after a relationship break-up is vital and an enormous part of healing. Online dating rushes people into relationships they really don’t need to be in yet.

FrivolousPancake · 28/12/2019 13:37

Just read the Relationships board. A lot of it is very low standards and the feeling that being single is to be avoided at all costs, inability to be happy in one's own company and label everyone they date as a 'partner' 5 minutes into it.

This with absolute bells on!

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