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Original poster

Major Xmas dilemma!

590 replies

OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:03

What would you do in this situation?

Bf who lives down the road with 2 dc. I have 2 dc too.

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I have a number of issues with this. He has barely any furniture or stuff as he only recently moved in so the place is bare, dim and cold. The kitchens always a mess, there's bloody puppies as well so it's always a racket and smells.

Also I'd have to move a load of stuff over which I don't want to do, there's not enough chairs, I can't do my usual routine

Also I fear it'll be unfair with the kids as I get my dc a lot more, his dc pick on my youngest and are generally unpleasant at times.

Also I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money, I'm fine with not getting a present but I have to admit it's hard not to feel a little resentful funding masses of Xmas food and drink and dinner'

Tbh I'm miserable every time I'm there atm. Tonight I went over for dinner spent nearly two hours waiting on my own feeling ill in the cold and dark as he had a call to be given dinner massively late and a child's portion so I'm still hungry!

I want to do it at my dads, he can come over for Christmas dinner maybe for a bit on Christmas Eve. I'll be more relaxed I have everything I need and they won't be here too long as it's chaos with 4 kids and I find it very stressful!

There's no solution though I either make him happy but risk having a horrible stressful Christmas as I get really low when I get stressed or I piss him off and have him unhappy at me

OP posts:
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Sassypants82 · 19/12/2019 21:06

Do you live with your Dad or have your own place?

GnomeDePlume · 19/12/2019 21:06

I hate to ask but what exactly are any of you getting out of this relationship?

category12 · 19/12/2019 21:06

Maybe reconsider why you're with him at all.

What exactly are you getting out of the relationship?

Why does he call the shots?

pog100 · 19/12/2019 21:08

Just do what you want for god's sake. Why the hell do something that neither you nor your kids will enjoy. I think you need to think about why you would even want to please him in this way!

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:08

I live with my dad while I'm saving for a mortgage yes

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:08

I don't know, we love each other? But it's very new with all the children together and him being so close all the time, it's been years since I've been in a proper relationship like this I'm used to being on my own

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:10

Well I feel bad leaving him on his own with the kids, moneys very tight so there's not a great deal of food, I guess I feel a bit guilty if I do that,

He wants to be at his because he can't stay the night at my dads and he really wants to do Christmas morning together and Christmas in general I get that because I'm working every other day around it but i can't see how it'll be enjoyable for me with the stress of his place

But then I think is it just me being difficult and ungrateful

OP posts:
DonaldTrumpsChopper · 19/12/2019 21:11

It doesn't sound much fun. My first thought would be, why are you with him? I would definitely have Christmas with your Dad.

category12 · 19/12/2019 21:11

It's massively unreasonable of him to expect you and your dc to go over there, provide the food and cheer, in an uncomfortable environment where your youngest gets bullied.

Grow a pair, OP. Say no.

adhdme2019 · 19/12/2019 21:12

Ehhh that would be a no Hmm

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 19/12/2019 21:12

Please do what makes you and your children happy

MrsGrindah · 19/12/2019 21:12

This isn’t love it’s endurance

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/12/2019 21:13

What are you getting out of this?

It’s more like a disaster from the start rather than a relationship.

Just how low is your relationship bar here?. This sounds utter misery not just for you but for your kids too. His children pick on yours and he is tight with money also. Is this really what you want?. Why are you settling for this?

tribpot · 19/12/2019 21:14

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money,

Join the dots.

My guess is that he's manipulating you into buying more presents for his kids (or shifting over some of the ones you've bought for yours) as you won't want the four of them getting different amounts if they're all together on Christmas morning.

What on earth is the point of this relationship? It sounds awful.

I'd tell him to do one and then have a happy Christmas with your dad and your own children.

frazzledasarock · 19/12/2019 21:16

He wants you to go to his because you then fund and presumably do all the donkey work to make a lovely Christmas for humble and his children.

Whilst you and your children hate it, are miserable, use up more money than you would otherwise, your poor children are picked on by his.

What’s so lovable about him?

inthekitchensink · 19/12/2019 21:18

No, no, no, that doesn’t work. If you feel so inclined perhaps an afternoon walk together but mostly he sounds worth removing yourself from and fast. If you think you’re being difficult and ungrateful then you need to do some work on your self esteem as a matter of urgency, because that’s just not the strong, no nonsense woman I’m sure you want your kids to see you emulate?

AdaColeman · 19/12/2019 21:21

Have Christmas at your Dad"s place in comfort.

Think about who is contributing most to your relationship with the BF, who is the giver and who is the taker. Ask yourself what you are getting out of it all, not much by the sound of it.

Chottie · 19/12/2019 21:22

Please spend Christmas with your father.

TBH your BF doesn't sound a kind or caring man. For me, the bullying of my DC would be the final straw, I would not subject them to that. Let your DC have Christmas with their DM and their DGF.

Ragwort · 19/12/2019 21:22

He sounds awful. Shock

No one should ‘insist’ where you stay on Christmas Eve, presumably he only wants you there because you will provide the food (& sex ? Hmm).

Do yourself a favour and bin him, and get yourself some self respect for Christmas.

ladygracie · 19/12/2019 21:22

What would your children like best?

OceanSunFish · 19/12/2019 21:24

Please don't do it OP. If his DC pick on your DC, it could ruin Christmas for him/her Sad

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:25

Well, the money situation is temporary.

From his point of view he wants to spend as much time with us as possible as he very much wants to be a family and do Christmas together

I'm with him because he's always treated me well, it's not extreme with his kids it's just kid stuff but it's still not ideal

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:27

Well.. i don't know this is what I mean I've got myself into an absolute mess Sad

If I do it at my dads he's going to be really unhappy, I won't see him that much just a few hours each day really

I say to him if it was just him or just one kid it'd be a bit different but as it is it's double the numbers and a lot of chaos and stress

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:27

He would help cook so it's not like he'd expect me to do everything but I don't enjoy being at his house very much

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:28

Even them coming just for Christmas afternoon I'm worried about arguments with the kids and toys getting broken, bring enough food and the mess as well

See that makes me feel like a horrible person

It makes me feel horrible to say that to him too as I'm basically saying no I don't want to spend time with you because of the children and all the chaos

OP posts:
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