Major Xmas dilemma!

[OdeToDiazepam]

What would you do in this situation?

Bf who lives down the road with 2 dc. I have 2 dc too.

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I have a number of issues with this. He has barely any furniture or stuff as he only recently moved in so the place is bare, dim and cold. The kitchens always a mess, there's bloody puppies as well so it's always a racket and smells.

Also I'd have to move a load of stuff over which I don't want to do, there's not enough chairs, I can't do my usual routine

Also I fear it'll be unfair with the kids as I get my dc a lot more, his dc pick on my youngest and are generally unpleasant at times.

Also I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money, I'm fine with not getting a present but I have to admit it's hard not to feel a little resentful funding masses of Xmas food and drink and dinner'

Tbh I'm miserable every time I'm there atm. Tonight I went over for dinner spent nearly two hours waiting on my own feeling ill in the cold and dark as he had a call to be given dinner massively late and a child's portion so I'm still hungry!

I want to do it at my dads, he can come over for Christmas dinner maybe for a bit on Christmas Eve. I'll be more relaxed I have everything I need and they won't be here too long as it's chaos with 4 kids and I find it very stressful!

There's no solution though I either make him happy but risk having a horrible stressful Christmas as I get really low when I get stressed or I piss him off and have him unhappy at me

His children are HIS responsibility. You are too kind but either pass presents on via a friend or leave them on doorstep if you really feel need to send them. But judging from his messages to you any contact with him will be emotional blackmail from his side and will guilt you into having more contact. Cut your losses. Take the advice given here and move on with your life. Block his number x

You said that his children’s grandfather (their mother’s dad) lives in your village. Do they have contact with him? Is he interested in their welfare?

No they have no contact with his ex wife or her family

Convenient. I'm out.

I bet he's SO annoyed that OP hasn't confronted him asking if he is a spy yet 😂

he's hinted at mysterious government contracts and things, privately educated etc

In my first year at Uni, I got involved with a total faker who sounded a lot like this. All turned out to be complete nonsense but I really got tangled up in it for a while.

Looking back, it was mostly because I wanted it to be true. Good for you in breaking it off, @OdeToDiazepam. Cold turkey, only way like ripping off a plaster.

Concentrate on your lovely DC. They deserve your love and attention. Enjoy.

He has shouted at you several times (my DH of years and years never has) and physically intimidated you. This should be enough for you to finish it.
On top of that you do not enjoy spending time with him. Why do it then???
End it, block him and get on with your life.
This is not a dilemma

Has anybody suggesting notifying Social Services, not just because the children are being neglected and he's clearly batshit mental from the spliffs , but because it sounds very much like he's abducted them from their mother?

MitziK yup. Also that why he won't use his bank cards, he doesn't want to be traced.

@mitzik
I’ve said SS and RSPCA several times

How old were the children when they were adopted? Why do her parents not want to see their grandchildren who live in same village and are suffering? X

From what I've been told I believe it was maybe 5 or 6 years ago but I'm not 100% on that.. I know it was years, but he said he only finalised the divorce this summer

He's never mentioned her having any kind of relationship or anything to do with them, that they don't have a mother basically

You’ve been well and truly suckered, hook line and sinker.

You also come across as being afraid of him if you feel you can not end things with him for fear of repercussions

Im sorry, I cant believe a word of this thread.

@toggenberg I'm beginning to think the same. If it really is true op please contact SS on Monday and report the fact that these poor children are in Uk with no sign of a mother or no contact with her family. I don't believe a word he has told you about anything.

So confused. Is this guy British?

What was your book about OP?

I strongly suggest you contact the American Embassy and tell them what you know about this man and his children.

Tell them full names, any aliases you know, and his last known address in the US.

Do you know what US bank his funds transferred from the time he lost your card? Your bank might tell you if you can't find this detail in your transaction history.

You can submit a tip online to the FBI at the site: tips.fbi.gov

I suspect he abducted the children and/or owes the IRS money. Either the IRS or the Mob. His money problems indicate that he doesn't want to be traced, and what he is saying about his ex? wife indicates he has written her out of the children's history and taken them. He is also likely hiding from her.

You should contact your local SS offices. The children are being neglected by their pothead father.

Leave the presents on his doorstep or have your dad walk over to drop them off. Or go with your dad. Don't go on your own.

You need to stop worrying about what people are going to say if you ask for help.

Could be trafficked children...

There's pictures of him with them going years back and lots of family on his side involved with them so that's unlikely

I write YA so no nothing like this

Pictures don't prove anything
His facebook doesn't prove anything

Pictures of him with them from years ago? Travelling around different countries?