Have you ever had an affair?

[GoldieGoldie]

This is a really personal question I know.

There is somebody at my work who I have chemistry with. I think about him all the time and look forward to bumping into him. And I think he feels the same.

But I would never act on these feelings as I know it would be stupid.

Has anyone ever acted upon feelings like these? I'm just interested to hear from experience.

Yes I have DC.

You have a crush, that's all. It happens and it will pass. Reality is rarely as wonderful as fantasy.

However you say you are still in your twenties but have a partner whom you love. Maybe you were not ready to settle down with one person, only you can tell. Grass is always greener etc, though.

Stop this NOW. It will get exponentially harder from here on in.

Avoid him at work. Keep busy at home. It WILL pass.

That’s harder then if you have dc.

Keep a low contact and wait for it to pass. Don’t have an affair.

No, never have, never would.

No, because people who cheat are stealing their unwitting partner's life. If you want someone else then woman up, end your relationship and look for someone new.

Wanting to have your loving relationship and family whilst behind their backs getting your kicks from someone else is just despicable,

There are some really holier than thou idiots on this thread. It is a legitimate question. The OP is only human and guess what humans are attracted to one another. Plus polyamory is a thing so get a life.

Anyway, Have I had an affair? Not physical, no, emotional yes. It was awful. Devastated me more than my husband who was very understanding. It’s lust, not love and you’ll get over it

To be honest, OP, my affair broke up my marriage in my twenties and although I wish I hadn't had the affair, the marriage wasn't right for me. I took on too much, too fast, and I'm glad I got out of it. He was a lovely man, but that's not enough.

Devastated me more than my husband who was very understanding.

I think you may be kidding yourself. Your DH was the victim, not you.

You have a crush/infatuation with someone. Think of it as a bit of fun. It will pass. No I've never had an affair and never would. I think it's a vile thing to do.

Don’t do it. It’ll destroy you and all who love you

No. I've fancied a couple of guys since being with DH, but I know that what I have with him is too good to risk losing it.

Crushes are fun. Recognise it for what it is, enjoy the tingles, don't act on it, let it pass.
I had more than one crush during my 20 year relationship and enjoyed them thoroughly, even told my partner about them and he would make fun of me.

In the end, he had a crush that turned into an affair and that destroyed my life and nearly killed me. As has already been said, don't be weak. If your relationship is over, end it. Then you can shag whoever you want.

I had an affair. I married young and was unhappy and felt trapped. It has caused a lot of upset and I now get constant abuse and grief from my ex because of what I did. Don't do it op. If you want to split up, split up.

Yes I left my husband after a six week affair with a family friend. We have been married 25 years now and are very happy. I lost some close friends over it but am happier now. I just knew I wanted to be with him , my marriage was ok just a bit meh!

Great idea if you want to destroy a part of somebody forever.

It’ll destroy you and all who love you

Needlessly dramatic. Half of all marriages end in divorce. For whatever reason it happens, it doesn't destroy you and everyone you love.

@longsigh why didn't you leave your husband then if your marriage was 'meh'? Were you afraid to be on your own and single? How did your husband feel about your affair with the family friend?

No. You are experiencing a crush. It will pass. It just may take some time. In the meantime don't act on it without leaving your partner first. Keep away from your crush and never let on.

Oooobetty Laziness , security, I suppose- I could list a whole host of reasons but ultimately yes, I should have left before. My husband recovered quite quickly and remarried soon after I did.

Yes, with someone who works at a place I visit regularly. I’ve been married 20+ years but probably only spent roughly 10 of those years together due to DH’s job. I’m bored, lonely, peri-menopausal with no self esteem so the OM’s smooth chat and attention was too great to ignore and I fell for it. It’s pretty much over now and I’m heartbroken even though I can now see OM is actually a massive prick and I am just one in a long line of others. The attention he gave me tailed off very quickly and he would only contact me when no-one else was available but I still went trotting off to him thinking he actually wanted me, when I was always just a shag to him. I’m really bloody miserable now and wish I’d never set eyes on him. If you can muster up any shred of strength or dignity OP - don’t do it. I had zero self worth before, now I have even less than zero and feel like absolute shit 😩😩

@thedancingbear my husband was the victim, yes. However he was also very understanding that the way he’d treated me had led to me finding affection elsewhere. Affairs are often not black and white. Trust me, my guilt far outweighed what he experienced and he was desperate for me to forgive myself so we could move on.

@florencejune , I’m so sorry you’re feeling the way you do. You’ll be fine and will get through this

No but my ex did. The pain of that betrayal is like nothing else I've experienced. It is horrific. Posters saying their partner "understood" are clearly minimising for their own selfish reasons.
I have moved on now. STBXH is still consumed with guilt and self-loathing.

Ruining your family for a bit of dick?

If you’re unhappy discuss this with your husband.