Is anyone truly happy being single?

[Blushingm]

I hate it - I'm just so lonely and sad. I want someone who cares about me, hugs me just because and wants me

I split with exh over 3 years ago. 1 brief thing with a crazy unstable strange narcissist and another with someone I truly love but says we live too far apart to make things work (40 mins drive)

It feels sometimes if I disappeared no one would notice or care

Me six years never have another partner

"I don't know any single people who aren't trying to meet someone."

Not everyone I know is actively trying to meet someone - I myself don't DO anything - but they all WOULD LIKE to meet someone.

""none of my friends are happy" (ever thought you are the issue....?)"

What?? I make my friends unhappy about being single?! What are you on about?

"What do you think people read when pps say "it's only on MN, I don't know any in real life"?
What do you think that contributes to a discussion other than doubting what people say on MN? Or, if you want to be clear, then say what you mean - is it that it's a rare thing? Or that your friends have it harder than the rest? What?"

It's not for me to say why MN is full of happy singles and my real life isn't it. I don't really know why that's the case. Could be because they are mothers so not living as a single person household. Could be for the reasons others have suggested, that they've been in bad relationships or that they could find a relationship very easily if they wanted to. Who knows what the difference is?

12 years single. Happy and content. No previous relationship trauma, never had my heart broken, always been the one to end my relationships, just prefer being on my own. I do have a child, supportive family, a few close friends and a job I love. I might change my mind one day but I really can't see it.

It's not for me to say why MN is full of happy singles and my real life isn't it. I don't really know why that's the case.

Probably something to do with your friendships being in double or single figures and Mumsnet having users in the millions?

I don't want to meet someone. I'm done with compromising and tiptoeing around or putting up with someone else's preferences. I've done my time, been married three times (and a few more longish relationships) and I don't mind accommodating my friends and my kids, but I'll be buggered if I'll smile and grit my teeth through yet another man's snoring/laughing at farts/saying 'yes, but../ etc etc etc.

This is my time.

Zaphod- you put that beautifully— I think many of the happier single older women are those that have had love, had kids who are now older and probably could attract a semi decent bloke tommorrow if they do wanted but on balance they enjoy a night out with friends more, a holiday with friends more, and the occasional fling without the moaning, feeling obliged to go along with stuff, crappy habits etc. I know quite a few women like this, they have had long relationships that have ended and now prioritise a bit of fun, money to themselves and some space in their heads rather than desperately trying to attract a bloke.

@Gwenhwyfar I've been single for longer than I've been a mum, I haven't had any really awful relationships, most of them were long distance relationships or we never lived together.
Could I get a relationship easily if I really wanted one ? I don't know, I haven't tried, but I'm 55, short, round, menopausal and was never an oil painting, have a 15 year old with additional needs so I'm probably not the best 'catch'. I might do OK if I went after some of the old geezers down at the allotments but I'm not about to test that out.
So I'm not sure how I fit into your model.
Is it really so hard to accept that some people are just happy as they are for no particular reason other than that they are just happy as they are.
I don't see women in couples having to justify why they are happy.

I think all of us could get into a 'relationship' tomorrow if we wanted to, heck even tonight if we wanted to, that's not the issue, the question is how little are you willing to settle for, I'm not prepared to settle for less than someone I think could be my life partner, that's why I'm still single after 3 years, but there's constantly been at least one man or another chasing around after me in those 3 years, so you're never entirely on your own, it's picking one you could see yourself spending the next 50 years or so with that's the difficulty when so many of them seem to think women are just there to be used or controlled and I'm just so not about that life

i can't be arsed with other people's shit so single is good for me

I'm not happy but not unhappy either. Fundamentally I don't believe I have what it takes. I'm not interesting enough, nor am I attractive or slim.
I realise that is negative. I'm trying to break free from this mindset but it's so hard.

Even in my 'prime' my ex wouldn't have sex with me...Can't see why anyone would feel different now that ship has sailed.

Honestly, it's a punch in the gut, still, that I've reached 43 and I don't know what a health loving relationship looks or feels like.

I'm busy, with a decent social life, good job, lots of friends. I just don't see in me the qualities they do. I think they're wrong and so far, I'm proving myself right.

I've tried OLD and have not met anyone who is interested in 'me'. I've been told I'd crush them if we ever had sex (wanker) and others have moaned at me about their ex's. None of these went to a second date.

Those that appeared promising ended in the bedroom because they couldn't perform. I must be hideous.

Sorry for essay. I hope time will heal further (as well as all the counselling and personal development I've undertaken)

I agree with @ShadowOnTheSun, it just always gets boring. Once you figure this out......... it all seems like a pointless pursuit. To meet the one. The boring one. I realise I would be their boring one! but maybe I'm less boring on my own.

I'm happier being single than in a bad relationship. I don't think I'm happier single than I would be in a good relationship.

This

Single 4 years, would love to be in a relationship. Lonely and need some sex!!

I don't need counselling as a PP posted or need a partner to valid who I am. I have a great life, amazing friends and wonderful family.

Just want a partner. Not to live with though! No way :)

@JacquesHammer puts exactly how I feel now with this -

The problem with being single: -

1. People try and categorise you
2. People suggest you're not actually happy and hiding it very well
3. That people find it very difficult to understand because "none of my friends are happy" (ever thought you are the issue....?)
4. It is never treated as a valid choice, rather force of circumstance
5. People try and convert you (seriously some people are such Smug Marrieds its like a fucking cult)
6. People still judge people on whether they're in a couple - seriously why is getting married seen as the pinnacle of achievement?
7. You're never given conviction of your own thoughts "oh never say never, you just need to meet the right man".

People patronise and infantilise single people - I'm quite sure that is the reason why some single people feel unhappy, the sheer bloody pressure!

I can understand the friends I had back when I was miserably single having doubts that I'm truly happy single now, but funnily enough it's not those friends I get the above crap from, especially the second one.
It's just such a closed mindset, that you're somehow trying to be edgy or different by saying you like being single, when you just do! I'm on my own probably 75% of the time, I work nights as a lone worker, DD is 16 and off here there and everywhere, I spend a lot of time alone and rather than getting used to it and putting up with it, I really struggle with too much interaction with other people. I am not sure how I'd cope with living with someone else and having to accommodate them too, I do it at work, at a reduced capacity admittedly, but I honestly don't think I could come home and have to keep doing it. I get drained and confused if I don't get enough time by myself. I'm not sure how I'd feel if I didn't have my dogs, they're just sort of there, company but not demanding, I provide what they need and enjoy it.
Maybe I'm just wierd 🤷

I am genuine happy being single. I live with my children and animals and although I have men interested in me cannot imagine that having one live with us would work.
I’m fully aware that when the DCs leave home I may feel differently but will deal with that when the time comes.
I am still enjoying the rosy glow of having escaped a controlling abuser and not confident that I would see all the warning signs of another one, but I am truly happy single.

"I think all of us could get into a 'relationship' tomorrow if we wanted to, heck even tonight if we wanted to, that's not the issue"

Well, it is an issue for a lot of people. I couldn't get into a relationship tomorrow!

"Probably something to do with your friendships being in double or single figures and Mumsnet having users in the millions?"

Well no because it's to do with proportions isn't it. There aren't millions commenting on this thread.

"but there's constantly been at least one man or another chasing around after me in those 3 years,"

Lucky you. That must be why you call yourself sexy in your username. It's not the case for everyone. I haven't been asked out in many years. Some friends do online dating, but can go a long time without a date that goes onto a second date.

"but there's constantly been at least one man or another chasing around after me in those 3 years,"

I think that's a large part of the issue too. The accepted narrative seems to be "all women have men chasing/sniffing around at all times, any woman can be in a relationship tomorrow if they choose to."
If you're not someone that has ever been true for, like me, then it just layers on an extra level of "you are a failure at being a woman. ALL women have this, what's so wrong with you that you don't?".

The accepted narrative seems to be "all women have men chasing/sniffing around at all times, any woman can be in a relationship tomorrow if they choose to."

But then the other narrative is “oh you’re only single because you can’t get a man”.

Fact is, if you’re single people never believe a word you say anyway

I was using the word 'relationship' in inverted commas as a polite euphemism for a shag I do honestly believe any of us could get that without too much difficulty especially in these days of dating and sex apps but it's like I said how little are you willing to settle for, personally one night stands don't appeal to me at all, nor the fwb scenario, nor being a mistress, or the third wheel in an open relationship, or any of these other scenarios these f**kwits come up with which are about treating women like they somehow deserve less than the real thing

Personally i think FWB will be the way a lot of future relationships will go, as women are becoming more independent and less willing to stay committed to someone who doesn't rock their world anymore.
Its a slow change though and certainly not one men really want to happen as a few more might find themselves doing their own washing!

I'm genuinely happy being single and have been for a long time. I'm definitely not looking for anyone at all.

I've always been very much someone who is happy in her own company and as an introvert find too much "people time" really exhausting. I've lived alone for nearly 10 years now and love the freedom to live how I want to do without compromise.

There are times when I look at other people's relationships and wish I had the same security and someone in my corner that they have BUT that comes with a caveat that I would almost have to be a different type of a person to be able to be able to have that kind of a relationship. It's hard to explain. I think I'm just a "loner", always have been, and all in all find being single suits me best.

If that's what women want @Torres10 that's great I can totally get why it would be for some, personally I want love and I'm not prepared to settle for anything less after live in LTRs with a narcissist in my twenties and an emotionally unavailable man in my thirties I do feel like I'm about twenty years too late to this party ha ha but I still see no reason why I shouldn't be able to get and have what I want in a relationship, I attract a lot of narcissists but they get swiftly kicked to the kerb nowadays I'm not wasting any more of my time on that bs