This thread is so interesting. So many experiences resonate with me
It would be more true for me to say that I am mostly happy, content being single with occasional moments of wanting to share experiences with.
However, this is now about 5 years post divorce. I did go through a grieving process for a long time, and felt very desolate at times
This is very much true for me. I'm 6 years separated, and after a brief period of relief when my abusive marriage ended, I experienced such loneliness, and real desolation. It was compounded by having 3 very small children at the time, struggling to find work and having no family support. Also, it's really quite unusual where I am to be separated / divorce (Ireland, and tho it's now not that unusual, divorce rates are pretty low & in my area, pretty rare. All very homogenous, families of 2 parents + 3 kids type of thing!) and I felt so isolated.
People had no idea & said the stupidest things (I still remember a school mum saying, at my first Christmas post-separation, when it was going to be me & kids only for Christmas & she knew this, 'Lucky you. Be great to watch what you want on TV & not share the remote' 😐)
Now several years later, in many ways, things are way better. I've a job I love, work full-time & am incredibly busy, between that and everything the kids do. I was finally able to go to counselling, and that's been enormously helpful in rebuilding my shattered self-esteem, stopping me wasting energy on my ex, and validating my experience so I can move on.
Because I'm so busy, I don't even think about a relationship. I don't socialise as I've no time, but I get my adult interaction through work, mainly, my relationships with family and I do a lot of exercise. I harboured dreams of magically meeting someone who I could have that relationship with that I craved in my marriage. But now I realise, my kids come first; they've been very badly let down by their father (who's only vaguely involved & does no actual parenting) and they need me.
But I know I've shut down a whole part of me 😰 and I don't let myself think about it but if I do, I feel very sad. I can't see myself ever having another relationship. I met my husband when I was 20, I'd had one 3 year relationship before that. My marriage (which was abusive and very unhappy) ended when I was 37, I'm now 43. I'm sad for me, that I lost such a portion of my life, and can't have the relationship I had wanted.
@isthismylifenow you hit the nail on the head. When I get a bear hug from my youngest, I realise the lack of physical contact & human touch in my life. I used to find that unbearable; I don't allow myself think of it now. 😰
I loved reading that you unexpectedly met someone great. That's fantastic. I occasionally like to think that might happen me, but I don't really let myself think it, as it's too painful, and really too improbable.
I'm just not interested in casual sex (never was, just not me, always been about relationships), anyway no opportunity for it! I couldn't imagine a FWB scenario. I'd love someone to see the other side of me tho; I'm always being told 'but you're gorgeous, how come you haven't met someone'. I don't know about gorgeous but yes, I'm happy with my appearance, like my clothes, make up etc & usually feel good about myself. But to me there's no correlation between that & a relationship. I can't imagine that broken part of me ever being able to trust, open up, be intimate with someone again.
So... I'm broadly happy being single. But it's very conditional, and involves suppression of what I really want.
(Sorry so long. But felt good to type it out!)