Is anyone truly happy being single?

[Blushingm]

I hate it - I'm just so lonely and sad. I want someone who cares about me, hugs me just because and wants me

I split with exh over 3 years ago. 1 brief thing with a crazy unstable strange narcissist and another with someone I truly love but says we live too far apart to make things work (40 mins drive)

It feels sometimes if I disappeared no one would notice or care

I'm very lonely. I'm single.
To me I do put myself out there. Before I had kids I would never have chatted with people like I do now.
But still no one wants to hang out, everybody's busy or hangs out with someone else. Because of everyone seeming not being bothered my self esteem is pretty shot. I don't value myself. And yes I think I do look to others for value. clearly this doesn't work.
I think I'm a good person and a good friend. But no one's bothered.

Yes, happy. Glad to be on my own rather than in the bad relationship I was before. Haven't been involved with anyone since that ended 6 years ago.

fit4more why don't you leave him? For years I felt unable to leave my exh but 11 years on I have never ever regretted leaving him. You would get a lot of support on the relationship board if you posted there

To echo a pp there seems to be loads of happily single people on mn but I don’t know anyone irl that is! Also loads of single mums that are apparently so happy to be single mums which sometimes makes me feel crap for hating it. I’ve been single for 3 years and feel really lonely, hate that I have no one to talk to in the evenings and no one who cares about me. Can’t date though as I have young children and no child care so it will be this way for a long time but I do hate it!

I think it gets easier @SonataDentata

It's the ''sniffs'' of McRelationships and recentring afterwards that was tough imo, I left xh 12 years ago and have had roughly four McRelationships that went nowhere, lasting between 7 weeks and 4 months. Those were head wrecking. I gave up and found real peace finally there. I think I was just trying so hard because it's what you're supposed to do. You're ''supposed'' to try to not be single.

And yet if you settle in to it, it is not what prevents you from being happy!

I didn't even kiss anyone for six years, I was only in my late 20s / early 30s with a couple of total disasters behind me. I wasn't always happy... but I was comfortable and stable.

I've been single for about 16 years and am just, in the last 6 months or so, starting to get lonely.

I've been single since my husband died seven years ago. Of course I had the benefit of a very happy marriage for several decades, so it's not the same as being single when young. But I would never want to be in a live in relationship now. I'm don't want to adapt and compromise with someone equally set in their wants and needs as I am now!

Yes, sometimes I'm lonely and I need to put more work into friendships. But I like being alone most of the time. And it's a luxury to be able to be spontaneous and not have to factor in anyone else's opinion!

I would like more freedom but I recognise that a man would only make me feel the loss of my freedom MORE and I have been in that situation already. I think accepting the situation and the ages of my kids and that I'm 100% responsible for them has brought me contentment. It is what it is, for now. I will not rail against it. Not saying it's always perfect or easy or that I never miss out but being in a relationship definitely isn't perfect or the answer.

I think it depends on the life you have with family and friends. I’m never alone unless I want to be. I spend time with friends alone or with their families. I do things for charities and the community. I have friends I talk to in person or on text every day.

@MerryInthechelseahotel because I don’t want to not see my kids half the week. They’re still small. Plus I moved hours away from family and friends and I have no support system here. If I had somebody I could hang out with in the evening then I probably would. I left it too late. I should have left 10 years ago. It’s too late now. I’m old, fat, ugly and broken. Not seeing my kids half the week would just mean there’s no point in even existing. Plus he’d be bound to meet somebody perfect within about 3 weeks and I’d have that rubbed in my face for the rest of my life. Most days I can just about cope with the unhappiness/loneliness because the alternative is even more bleak.

@PumpkinP I hate having no one to talk to. I think it's really affected me. And no one who cares about me.

What's worse is when my child just doesn't want to connect with me which makes me feel even worse. And cos I feel so shit about myself it's hard to dig myself out and be positive

That’s how I feel purpleme12, I can go for weeks without speaking to anyone but my children, don’t have many friends and hardly any family, and the family I do have I don’t have the best relationship with. I haven’t spoken to another adult since Friday (unless you count staff at my children’s school or shop assistants!) no one calls me, if I died no one would notice for a long while put it that way.

I think I will be when I get used to it, of course I wish my husband was still here but he died. No way would I entertain the idea of another man moving in but I'm old, different when you're still young.

98% of the time, yeah.

I've never really been in anything longterm though so I don't know what I'm missing. Well...I guess I was in a sorta thing between 18 and 23 but he was a selfish prat and I never really knew where I stood with him so I don't miss much of that.

Cant say I've given relationships that much thought between the age of 26 and now (31). I don't want kids so I don't have that pressure. Men just seem to bring an abundance of drama I find. Life is tough enough as is.

Lately I've been thinking I hope I find myself a nice hottie before my youth is up though, just for a bit of fun...but nice fun (as well as the nasty xD). There's no one about and that sometimes gets me down. But I would sooner have a few good mates about.

I dunno, just never really think about a long term partner, because nothing of the sort ever really materialised when I looked for it in the past. Just time wasters.

Lifes to short. Best just to be happy in yourself and whatever will be will be. Or wont. Whatever.

I have done single, happy relationships and unhappy relationships & all have pros and cons, but they are all just phases of life, and most of us experience them all at some point! I believe ( with age and wisdom!) that you can only be happy when you cultivate the relationship with yourself, no other person provides happiness on a plate forever, only you can do that.
Sorry that sounds really twee & it took me a while to figure this out and once I did it was life changing

Genuinely happy here as a serial single person! I have dated some nice men but ultimately can’t be bothered to pursue anything as I’m not sure I want to give up my total freedom. I admit it probably helps that I have several single friend of the same age though. Maybe I would feel differently if I was the only single person I knew...

Well I've been single for 10 years (no dates or sex) and I'm 34. My ex really destroyed me (even though i was unhappy in our relationship the last year) and i went completely off men (something i regret now).
I was ok single but i think that's because i was so focused on uni then, however the last four years I've felt like I've wanted a relationship and to extend my family yet would turn down men interested in me. Its because i feel uncomfortable with my weight gain (personal thing for me) and am on a mission to lose it.

Also now my daughter is a teen, doing her own thing and out with friends i feel very lonely and miss adult company, maybe because she was my company all these years lol.

I think I'm ok most of the time.
Both marriages started out happy but ended up miserable.

Relationships seem to make me wither. Men expect too much. Everything should revolve around them and I'm not willing to do that.

@BlameItOnTheVodka I really understand what you say about the weight gain. I have put on about 2 stone the last couple of years and I just feel so bleugh... (I blame it on the wine) I'm 46 and losing it feels tough .. but a mental obstacle to getting myself into the mindset of meeting anyone. It's a vicious cycle. I also have a teen who is starting to do more of her own thing and am getting a glimpse into the future.

I have been happily single for quite a few years but I wonder if part of me is just telling myself that, as relationships seem to be so complicated and hard work. Easier to be on your own. But like you op I am starting to 'miss' the really lovely things that a good relationship can bring. Also I find that whilst I'm never short of 'let's have a few drinks on Thursday night' type arrangements, at weekends married friends are always with each other's families . Dinner parties, weekends away etc. I have a couple of single friends and we seem to be feeling this more acutely than when the DCs were younger.

I've been single for about 4 years, and I love it. I never would have expected it, though.

I like having my own space that I share with my kids and I would have trouble allowing another person into that space now.

I don't feel like I am missing out on anything, my needs are met and I feel happy. It's possible that I could meet someone and fancy a relationship in the future, but it isn't something that I would prioritise or seek out.

Single for three years and I'm now in my mid forties my criteria for a relationship this time around is a man who genuinely loves me after being married to a narcissist in my twenties and engaged to an emotionally unavailable man in my thirties and I'm not prepared to settle for less however long it takes I've wasted too much of my life on these kinds of losers already!

I’m yet to figure out why, but I am happier on my own. Maybe because I don’t have to constantly put someone else’s needs into my equations? Dunno.
Equally, I enjoy being in a relationship that helps me grow, a secure environment in which I can be myself and still be loved.
I’ll just take life as it comes. Since my teens I have only ever been single for 6 months. I’m in my 40s now.

I can't say I'm happy being single and I do feel like I'm missing out on a lot that as an adult woman I should have every right to expect. I am happy not to be in an abusive situation though and that's not something I will ever tolerate again. The older you get the more you see things as they really are and the more you realise how many people are in really weird marriages and partnerships , I wouldn't want to be them, living a lie , I'd rather live my truth which is that I deserve real love and I won't accept anything less than that

"I’m never alone unless I want to be."

That's great, but I think that even if I were in your situation, I would still want to have a special person. The companionship of a boyfriend is different to the companionship of a friend.

How many friends do you see on a weekly basis by the way? Trying to figure out how many people you need to be friends with to have someone there whenever you want.