Is anyone truly happy being single?

[Blushingm]

I hate it - I'm just so lonely and sad. I want someone who cares about me, hugs me just because and wants me

I split with exh over 3 years ago. 1 brief thing with a crazy unstable strange narcissist and another with someone I truly love but says we live too far apart to make things work (40 mins drive)

It feels sometimes if I disappeared no one would notice or care

I’ve been single for 6 years following an horrific divorce that I didn’t want (ex left for OW). In that time I’ve had some lovely dates and have also had a FWB for five years but in truth, it took me so long to recover from the trauma that I decided it was better for me to concentrate on me and particularly my kids. I have massive trust issues and don’t honestly think I could trust anybody again. After all this time I most certainly wouldn’t want to live with someone again either, I like and value my own space. I have an 8 year old DS with ASD who lives at home. His father has let him down so badly. The OW is vile to him. I wouldn’t want to risk anybody unsettling our happy home and his stability. My eldest has left home but I love her adult company when she returns to visit. So on balance, I am happy being single although I do occasionally feel lonely (especially at this time of year) but I have no desire to change things currently.

@hellsbellsmelons that’s a very good point. I, and the friends I refer to are all in our 40’s...

Single for 5 years and absolutely fine with it. Well, I'm in the middle of a 'fling' atm, but no intention to take it to the 'serious' level.

I'm an introvert, love being alone, never feel lonely and always always (since my teens) found romantic relationships to be vastly overrated. Sex too. Yep, all is fun, games and butterflies in the beginning, the 'honeymoon' stage, new and exciting. You put your best face on, he puts his best face on. After that - it's the same. Boring, mundane, hard work. 'Where's my socks?' and 'put your dirty laundry away, ffs!' hard work. Always the same. I want to go there/do that - he wants to go elsewhere/do different, so lets compromise like two grown up adults should and find a happy middle. Except no one's really happy with that 'middle'. Same talks, same sex, same jokes, same everything. And all of a sudden his cute little quirks start to grate and those teeny tiny imperfections start to repulse you, and you just want him to fuck off forever and leave you alone with a good book and a glass of whisky.

It's boring. Boring. Boring. Not worth it. For what? 'Doing things together'? I'm perfectly capable of doing everything I want on my own. 'Sharing'? I'm not much of a sharer, to be honest. And I have a lifelong friend for that (also single). He has my back, knows me and understands me better than anyone else. Sex? Gets fucking boring with the same man after a couple of years anyway. So why then?

"single men as a collective dont seem to be as lonely. "

I disagree very strongly. The single men I know are very lonely. The only plus I can see is that they can more easily go to the pub on their own and chat to other lonely men at the bar. Women tend to have to join clubs and societies.

"The loneliness of being single isnt 100% from being single. It is partly from being excluded at times from the couple stuff, the mixed company, weekends... so it is important to make SINGLE friends"

My friends are mainly single - I seek out single friends on purpose and if there are couples in the group, it will always be a mix of couples and singles. Plus, nobody in my family or acquaintances makes me feel bad about being single.
However, I'm still lonely. Friendships just aren't the same.

"Someone said above that they don’t know ANYONE in real life that’s happy bring single. That surprises me - of course I know a few people that would love to be in a relationship but most my single friends are genuinely extremely happy."

I'm one of the people who said that. I don't mean that all my single friends are particularly sad, just that they would all like to meet someone. Not all are actively looking in the sense of being on dating sites, but all want to have a special person.

A good friend of mine only realised recently how sad I am about it, so maybe some people just hide it well.

I am. I have about as much desire for a relationship as I have for a dose of the Bubonic Plague. I have no interest in getting into another relationship and I don't feel at all lonely.

"the friends I refer to are all in our 40’s..."

I'm in my 40s too. I don't see why it's suddenly easier to be single in your 40s. I would actually say it gets harder as you get older.

so maybe some people just hide it well

And of course some people are genuinely happy and not hiding anything.

And of course some people are genuinely happy and not hiding anything.

This. Some of us are genuinely content with being single. I'm someone who needs a lot of space. A relationship wouldn't suit me at all and I have no interest in one.

I've been single for 7 years. No dates, no FWB... most of the time I'm happy but every now and then I worry how happy I'll be when DD leaves home and I'm truly alone. Then I give my head a wobble. My life changed so quickly when she arrived; I have to have faith that it will change just as quickly when she leaves!

I see this as a phase of my life. I actually don't even know if I want a relationship. The longest relationship I've ever had was 2 and a half years. I've never had a good, loving, equal relationship. So I guess I don't know what I'm missing?!

I have good friends (although not enough) and great family (but not close by).

Am I happy being single? For now, yes.

All the people I know are in Relationships and I'd say 95% of them are unhappy about many aspects of their relationship or their partners. It makes me glad to be single. Lots of people associate being successful with being married or with a good partner. It's deemed weird to not want that or not have it. Like you are somehow faulty for not being coupled up. Something must be wrong with you if you don't have a man. I don't feel that my worth is tied up with being in a relationship. I don't need anyone in my life and feel complete by myself. Nothing is missing, I'm not lonely, and I don't have any of the crap that goes with relationships. I'm happy with who I am and with my own company. And best of all my ibs farts don't bother anyone

I was very happily single from 29-36. Married for 15 years and divorced earlier this year. The road is still a bit bumpy but I am so much happier on my own.

Being a single parent to an only child who rarely sees her dad means I don’t go out much socially.

I work full time with a great team and play tennis once or twice a week, I do other sporty things once or twice a week.

My life is as full as it needs to be.

I have got a lovely family, the most supportive parents in the world plus siblings. They are not close enough to see them more than twice a month but always there.

My life feels pretty full as a single person.

I've been single for over ten years. One brief six month relationship in that time. I'll never have a relationship again. The thought of it actually makes me feel anxious and sick. My ex H is an alcoholic with, in my opinion, a personality disorder. My life with him was utter hell and I am lucky I made it out in one piece. I don't ever want to compromise with another adult again and have to worry about their happiness and take on their problems as my own during life's ups and downs. I have two children though and I have wondered if I would feel different if I didn't have them.

Oh and I have a dog too. He's honestly the best companion I have ever had.

I wish I had a dog

I lost my dog fairly recently, I now have a cat! Couldn’t commit to another dog sadly right now with work.

I was. I'm just as happy in a relationship though.

Single life (as a single mum) was simple and uncomplicated if relentless and busy.

When I met my husband, I was happy. Other than a few short-term boyfriends and one serious-ish 3-year relationship, I had always been single (mid-30s).

Great career, freedom, financial stability, travel, friends, etc.

I always told him he didn’t ‘make me happy,’ he made me ‘happier.’ Which was the truth.

Eighteen years later we are having a trial separation, and I realise how completely I lost myself in marriage and children (plus other shit from my family life that I hadn’t realised).

Not afraid of being single. I liked it when I was and am sure I will in future.

It’s about being happy with myself, meeting my own needs (which another poster way up thread mentioned, and it’s not twee at all).

For those who are struggling with single life, I had a client in last week who had been divorced and single for 30 years. She is to be married again next year. She is 73 years old. She never expected it, but lived her life according to her own standards and aims toward fulfilment. She was a pleasure to meet.

Riggins - thinking I have to wait another 30 years is not really going to cheer me up.

Shadow on the sun- your post made me laugh! Couldn’t agree more. All relationships are dull to me after a couple of years. They morph from rampant sex staying up all night and nights out putting the world to rights to watching watching Holby fucking City with a bowl of crisps and a bottle of cheap plonk from the local co-op.

Single for 15 years here. I think I am happy. Sometimes I am lonely, but I find myself lonely for my mates not a man. I don’t think I want a relationship because it would just be back to wifework and constantly trying to manage him as well as me. A bit of regular sex would be nice, but it isn’t a driving ambition. So all in all, I’ll take the life I have over the life I could have had every time.

And there are some heartbreaking posters on here. There’s nothing I can say that will make anyone else happy, but please make the jump. Please do it. Even if you get one day of peace and calm, it will be worth it. No one is too old, too fat, too poor or too ground down not to be able to make it. We are women, we have it in us to do anything. Please believe.

I am happy, truly content, when single. Even though it’s horrible when relationships end, I can always get back on an even keel as I find that contentment in my own life rather than another person.

I’m happy single. I’m also happy when in the first year or so of a relationship. Not so happy once they’ve got boring or annoying and I am trying to disengage. Made the mistake once of marrying one and that was an error.

I've been single since 2011. I'm happy being single. I do get lonely, but that's for company not a relationship. I've made a lot of sacrifices in the last few years to get where I am today, but that's coming to an end soon and I'll be able to spend a lot more time on my friends and making new ones.

I veer one way then another on the subject of relationships. I suppose if I hit it off with someone it'd be nice, but I'm not too fussed. I can't see myself living with someone again, I want my home to be just mine not someone else's too.

I find myself randomly thinking how happy I am doing what I want when I want. I'd not give that up for anyone.