Is anyone truly happy being single?

[Blushingm]

I hate it - I'm just so lonely and sad. I want someone who cares about me, hugs me just because and wants me

I split with exh over 3 years ago. 1 brief thing with a crazy unstable strange narcissist and another with someone I truly love but says we live too far apart to make things work (40 mins drive)

It feels sometimes if I disappeared no one would notice or care

Another one very happy being single. Single parent with very close family support network. I was married for ten years to a wonderful man--I just wasn't happy. Same for a couple of short term relationships since.
At this point in time, I am much happier being single. Although I wouldn't mind an FWB--I don't date currently.

I've been happily single for around five years. Have had a few people show an interest in that time but I genuinely prefer being alone. My friend on the other hand can't bear being single, she feels lonely and depressed, and as a result goes from one disastrous relationship to the next.

I agree @Lizzy1980

I find I choose being single over going on a date over and over. It's about choosing what makes me happy

Judging from this forum, a better question might be "is anyone truly happy being in a relationship".

I was single for many years before I met DH and was not all that happy. But the thing that made me unhappy really was not the lack of a partner to share things with etc but the way I was made to feel a bit odd for being single. For example: being made to sit on the 'singles' table at weddings and work Xmas parties (when everyone else was seated with friends and partners), being constantly asked whether I had a boyfriend yet (with pitying looks), colleagues attempts to set me up with men who had nothing in common with me other than being single, regularly being asked if I was gay (no issue if I was, but irritating that this is seen as the only reason a woman would not have a boyfriend), and the worst of all was when quite a few of my 'good friends' started to settle down and increasingly excluded me from activities, quite openly telling me 'we didn't ask you to come lovely, it was more of a couples thing' even when it was just a night in the pub the same as we had always had.

I think if I hadn't been treated as a bit odd, infantile and to be pitied because I was single I'd actually have rather enjoyed it!

Loads of people on MN are happy being single. NOBODY I know in real life is

This

I don't know any single people who aren't trying to meet someone.

I've been on both sides of this. For 10 years, accepting a few flings, I was single and utterly miserable about it, I craved a partner, I wanted to be loved and be part of something and all those things. It then happened, or so I thought. It turned from heaven to hell quite fast and left me stunned and broken, physically, financially, emotionally and mentally.
That was 4 years ago and 2 years ago I had a very short fling, but it didn't feel right, so I walked. Then something a bit longer and meaningful but again, it just didn't feel right. I can't even say why. Then I realised that I'm happy and content as I am now. My DD is 16, I work a lot but I do things I want to when I want to.
So I've been single and unhappy and single and happy, the difference this time is that I don't have a young child on my own now, I have far more freedom and a great relationship with DD.
I don't know if it's the bad relationship that changed my outlook or it'd have happened anyway.

Not sure about real life vs MN, but I'm sure my friends almost forgot I was single for years because I hardly ever mentioned it or complained about it.
So, happy single people in real life may well not register with you.

I think that if you're happy with yourself, it doesn't matter much if you're single or not.

Having said that, it can help of you have children and are single because you do get cuddles and interaction. Living alone and single must be harder.

the way I was made to feel a bit odd for being single. For example: being made to sit on the 'singles' table

Or, as at one wedding, the children's table...

Honestly I think the "happily single!" fall into 2 camps - those who have had many many years in a relationship and have had enough of all that for either good or bad reasons, and those who know they are attractive enough that they can have a new relationship/sex/fwb situation whenever they decide they want it.

Sadly if you don't fall into either of those camps then I think "happily single" isn't a thing really.

The problem with being single: -

1. People try and categorise you
2. People suggest you're not actually happy and hiding it very well
3. That people find it very difficult to understand because "none of my friends are happy" (ever thought you are the issue....?)
4. It is never treated as a valid choice, rather force of circumstance
5. People try and convert you (seriously some people are such Smug Marrieds its like a fucking cult)
6. People still judge people on whether they're in a couple - seriously why is getting married seen as the pinnacle of achievement?
7. You're never given conviction of your own thoughts "oh never say never, you just need to meet the right man".

People patronise and infantilise single people - I'm quite sure that is the reason why some single people feel unhappy, the sheer bloody pressure!

I am truly happy but I think that's because my time is taken up with my DD as well as work etc.

I wonder when I'm 50 and DD has buggered off to Uni if I'll feel differently. Presumably if it bothers me enough I'll actively try and do something about it.

Or, as at one wedding, the children's table..

That's terrible!!! (And funny, sorry)

Were you the only adult at the children's table?!

Formerbabe, I could be in a relationship if I wanted to. I genuinely prefer being single. I've had lots of relationships in the past, some bad, some great but I have always been at my happiest when I'm on my own. I am lucky though because I come from a large, close family who all live locally and I have a great network of friends, maybe I would feel differently if this wasn't the case

@Lizzy1980

I have no idea why you directed your comment to me.

*Loads of people on MN are happy being single. NOBODY I know in real life is

This

I don't know any single people who aren't trying to meet someone.*

@formerbabe ~ we'll have to meet up for a coffee , then you'll have met someone

I was commenting on my own social circle and friends, not denying that happy single people exist.

I'm happy being single in the sense it is a million times better than being with my exh of 10 years.

I am fine on my own, I can support myself financially and am doing a decent enough job of raising my girls. I'm happy and don't need anyone or anything.

But. I am acutely aware that I've never experienced a truly loving, healthy and life enhancing relationship. My 10 year marriage was awful and I wasn't loved.

So although I'm fine on my own, I won't lie, it makes really sad to think I could get through life without ever having experienced being loved .

Were you the only adult at the children's table?!

No, there was another cousin and also a patent of one of the children. But we were it of the 10 at the table.

@blushingm, I'm sorry that you are feeling so low but what does truly happy mean?
I've been single now for over 10 years. I wouldn't call it a choice as such, its how my life has panned out up to now. I've had relationships, mostly they were good, none were abusive, in most I was the higher earner and house owner.
Do I leap out of bed every morning singing about how happy I am to be single? Does every coupled up person leap out of bed every day truly happy.
No, like most people I expect I fall out of bed and get on with my life, in which in my case I happen to be single.
For the most part yes I'm happy, maybe content is a better word. I'm happy that I have a nice home, nothing special but its mine, and I only have 2 years to go on the mortgage. I'm happy that following surgery earlier this year I'm now back to good health. I'm happy that my son is doing well at school. I'm happy that I seem to have revived my ailing goldfish. I'm happy that I have fantastic friends. I'm happy pottering on my allottment. The things I'm not so happy about would not be any different if I had a partner. I have a decent enough job, but its boring and I've had better jobs, I could do with losing some weight, 60 is too close for comfort, I worry about my son's future ( he has some disabilities) my mum is getting on but we don't live close by so its difficult. But on balance I have a good life and I'm happy with it.

What you can't do is flick a switch and become happy overnight,
I've been in your position, in my mid 30s after my 10year + relationship broke up. It was a slow build up to being content with what I have. I realised that what I most wanted was to be a mum, so I made that happen.
Now I am just me, and me happens to be single, it doesnt define me its just part of me.
@JacquesHammer post is spot on, its just that now I'm old enough not to care.
So yes you can be happy being single, but its no more a given than thinking you will be happy just because you have a relationship

I was commenting on my own social circle and friends, not denying that happy single people exist.

It's implied though, isn't it?

It's implied though, isn't it?

No, they obviously do exist.

I think a lot of happily single people are those who have previously had relationships and/or have fwbs so their life isn't devoid of affection.

However, I struggle to believe that there are happy single people who have gone through their whole life never having experienced a relationship...but I'm happy to be corrected.

What do you think people read when pps say "it's only on MN, I don't know any in real life"?
What do you think that contributes to a discussion other than doubting what people say on MN? Or, if you want to be clear, then say what you mean - is it that it's a rare thing? Or that your friends have it harder than the rest? What?

My answer is - I don't know.
I have been single 9 years (almost 10), that's a long time. When I seperated from my husband, I remember life being busy adjusting to a new life for the first 2 years. I started dating and was so naive. I learnt lots about myself and others along the way. There have been times when I have felt so lonely but I think other things contribute to loneliness not just being single. Lack of friends, disliking a job, no hobbies, being a single parent. I have changed alot - kept the home, become a nurse, have 3 amazing dd's who are beautiful company, a few (Not many) new friends, but most of all confidence in me. That makes me happy.
I think I'm ok. I have learnt and still learning to be. I do miss little things, trips to the cinema to watch a '15', meals out, and sex, I definitely miss sex.
So, yes I think I am 😊