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Is this inappropriate?

364 replies

justtheonenamechange · 25/11/2019 12:42

I've name changed for this as I didn't want it linked to my previous posts.

I've found the following text messages, which were written across several days during an activity week. The child is a girl in her mid-teens and the adult is a male in his 40s. The child attended the full week but the adult only attended the first few days. This is an exact transcript of the conversation, but with any identifying details taken out. Is the adult just being supportive/encouraging, or is this bordering on inappropriate? I would welcome any opinions please. Sorry it's quite long, but I didn't want to deliberately leave any of it out.

Adult:
If you look at the [place] I can see it from the [place]! Hope you enjoy the week. I knew you would love it, but I know you will miss me!!

Child:
I miss you already 😂. I hope I enjoy it, the jury is still out right now. Have a safe journey though 😊

Adult:
You will be asleep by now but possibly chatting away or shouting? Have a blast I miss [accommodation name] already 😉. Have fun, not too much I want you all to miss me!

Child:
[Accommodation name] is the best 😂. We‘ll have fun, but obviously we’ll miss you 😊.

Adult:
I know, my favourite [group] I guess!

Child:
I guess so 😂. You missed a great public soaking.

Adult:
Did you get footage?!
How was your theme night?
Had a very lonely boring day, just wondering how much fun I could have had 😞 with you.

Child:
Hiya, no. No footage, too busy hitting [name]. The theme night was good but very hot. You missed [name] dressed as a monk. I don’t think you’d have enjoyed [place] as it was hot. You are definitely missed 😕.

Adult:
Tomorrow looks lovely and hot. Another day where I watch my watch wondering what I’m missing. Enjoy the time it is the best time in my opinion. I miss you all.

Child:
Aww bless. I am trying to enjoy it, today was fun. We had the slip and slide out. We definitely miss you too.

Adult:
Did you get my wet willy in!
If not plenty of time left. Did I leave any credit in the canteen? If you don’t use it tell [name] to add it to the [charity name] fund. You should be asleep by now but I guess you are chatting away and about to get told to be quiet. I would not I would stand and listen!!

Child:
Yeah I did, haven’t had chance to use your credit, but I think we’ll use it on Friday. I thought you’d appreciate a little rule breaking 😂

Adult:
[Activity] rules like any are made to be broken and I can tell you most of them I have. I appreciate that and accept any punishment! Have a great time and I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you.

Child:
Ok. Well I probably should go as it’s [name] out tonight 😬. See you when we get back. Try not to miss us too much!

Adult:
That would be a challenge for me in the old days. Goodnight 😉

Adult:
How’s it going? How’s the weather?

Child:
The weather is boiling. The [activity] thing was 💩

Adult:
Should have jumped in. Or chucked [name] in?
Looks a bit cooler tomorrow. Enjoy the last few days...

Child:
I’d rather chuck him in.
Not long left now.
We went on a late night [activity] tonight.

Adult:
Enjoy your last night, don’t eat too much chocolate! Had a nice week? Say the first few days were the best!!

Child:
It was alright. I survived. There’s been loads of sick people today 😬. It’ll be a good night.

Adult:
Going back? If all goes to plan you may have to put up with me all week 😁. Who is ill?

Child:
I might come back.
[name] and [name].

Adult:
I will if you will.....
[name] is gay, but [name].....
Have a great last day, I love it there. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.

Child:
Fine I’ll go.
We’ll have a good time!
See you tomorrow.

Adult:
Yeh. You will not regret it. Only the backlash of a prank or plenty more. Don’t eat too much crap, you will feel sick, unless it’s all gone already. Until next year!!!

Child:
I won’t eat too much. Don’t worry 😂.
I think I can handle the backlash of a prank

Adult:
Sounds like it has been smashed already? Your with the right man then! Goodnight [accommodation name] 😘

Child:
We haven’t eaten anything yet. See you tomorrow. Good night ☺️

OP posts:
housebuyer101 · 25/11/2019 12:47

Is mid-teens over 16? If so, not inappropriate. If younger, it's just a bit weird.

ukgift2016 · 25/11/2019 12:48

Extremely inappropriate. Seems like the child is trying to remain casual and ignore the 'flirty' remarks but the adult is not letting up.

I would report it.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 25/11/2019 12:49

It just screams grooming. Why does a grown man have to keep checking up on a girl and repeatedly telling her that he misses her and that bit about ‘just stand and listen’, regarding a bunch of teenagers chatting, yuck. He’s also trying to twist her sense of right and wrong with the comments regarding rule breaking. Horrible.

managedmis · 25/11/2019 12:49

Bit much

Overdueanamechange · 25/11/2019 12:51

I wouldn't like it. The tone seems innocent (assuming wet willy is a wet finger in the ear of course!) but all of this missing you stuff sounds like fishing. The child's part is innocent sounding, but the adult sounds clingy. It looks like the sort of conversation one of my dc would have with a close same age friend or immediate family member. Grooming perhaps?

totallyoutnumbered · 25/11/2019 12:51

That's all kind of wrong.Pretty sure there's a safeguarding issue here too. I'm sorry 😕

TheVanguardSix · 25/11/2019 12:55

That was incredibly uncomfortable, reading that.

Princessfaffalot · 25/11/2019 12:56

Those were the kind of messages my 33 year old maths tutor used to send me. I was 14 and he went on to sexually abuse me until I ended up pregnant.

Goodnightjude1 · 25/11/2019 12:57

Like PP said....I think the child is trying to ignore the flirty/inappropriate comments but the adult is pushing for more. With the constant asking if they’re being missed etc.
Creepy.

maras2 · 25/11/2019 12:57

housebuyer.Are you reading the same post as me? Confused
This is so inappropriate that it could be used as a template for grooming in safekeeping seminars.

TowelNumber42 · 25/11/2019 13:00

Grooming. No doubt.

HollowTalk · 25/11/2019 13:01

@maras2 is right - it's a template for grooming.

What's that about the wet willy, ffs?

You definitely need to report this. Is the girl your daughter? Hope to god the guy isn't your husband.

Ohnoherewego62 · 25/11/2019 13:01

Is this a teacher and pupil?????

crochetandshit · 25/11/2019 13:02

It's not bordering on inappropriate, it is completely unacceptable and grooming.

Is the man in his 40's your husband? Your childs teacher?

forkfun · 25/11/2019 13:02

Screams grooming. Entirely inappropriate! Please report. Sounds like the child is trying to keep it friendly. The adult is overstepping all sorts of boundaries.

As their parent I wouldn't dream of telling a child to not have too much fun, because I want them to miss me or to encourage breaking some rules or that rules should be bent. What do you think comes next? I can tell you - just one little hug. Just one kiss. No one needs to know. You are so special.

Maywedding · 25/11/2019 13:02

I couldn't face reading all of it. I'm really surprised there is even a question mark over this.
Whoever it is get the police involved asap.

RaininSummer · 25/11/2019 13:03

Very inappropriate and I only read the first third. The adult is either very lacking in simple safeguarding training or is indeed grooming.

puds11 · 25/11/2019 13:03

All kinds of wrong. How do you have the transcripts? Is this your child?

loveyoutothemoon · 25/11/2019 13:04

Definitely grooming, that's disturbing. Are you the man's wife or the daughter's mum?

PlasticPatty · 25/11/2019 13:04

That's way creepy.
Report.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 25/11/2019 13:05

I really hope you don’t work with young people, housebuyer101. I would be deeply concerned at your definition of appropriate behaviour.

minorwomenswhiplashlynne · 25/11/2019 13:05

There's a safeguarding issue there if this adult is in a position of responsibility and even if not, it's totally inappropriate and should be reported.

sableandI · 25/11/2019 13:07

Is he supposed to be protecting her? He sees her as he is taking about keys. Sounds like he's grooming her and it's totally inappropriate.

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2019 13:10

What's their relationship to each other please? This is key.

Quartz2208 · 25/11/2019 13:10

its not bordering on inappropriate it is totally inappropriate. It makes for difficult reading.

If this is your daughter please please report the adult it is grooming and crossing boundaries galore

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